On this eve of my daughter’s leaving, I am listening.
I am listening to the sounds in the bedroom above me–a drawer being opened, a suitcase being dragged, a box being shuffled.
And in the listening comes the knowing that the winds are picking up, the tides are shifting, and the times they are a-changin’.
Because what I am hearing on this Sunday afternoon are sounds that announce a childhood is being folded up and packed away. Sounds that announce a beloved daughter is sifting through her belongings, deciding which things to take and which things to leave behind. Deciding which things belong to the girl she once was and which things should accompany the woman she is becoming.
Jean and t-shirts. Leather sandals. A dress or two.
A computer. Text books. A Bible.
Plus a few small treasures that will help her remember the essence of home and the golden, olden days she is leaving behind.
Next Sunday afternoon at this time, there won’t be any noise above my head. There will be nothing but still, quiet, Sarah-less air. Nothing but the memories of a million moments that stitched together the growing up years of my little girl.
But today, on this pre-leaving Sunday afternoon, I sit quiet and ponder tomorrow. I sit quiet and ponder the fact that when Monday begins to stir, Sarah’s clothes and bags will be loaded up and carried to a new home, a new horizon, a new adventure.
And in half a blink,Steve and I will no longer be the primary influences in our daughter’s life. Other people will begin to speak into her life; other people will begin to shape her future. She will quickly be caught up in the swirl of a life that is strange and unaccustomed. Living quarters, roommates, friends, professors, classmates, church, job–all things new.
Saying goodbye to what has been.
She stood in the tech booth at church this morning after everyone had left and just cried. She whispered, “This is where I grew up, where I spent so many hours.”
But another tech booth, in another church, in another city will now become her habitat. She will bless another church with her gifts while she’s at college, and even more churches in the years following her graduation.
So it’s a good trade-off, I suppose.
A trade-off that is accompanied by the quiet closing of the dresser drawer. The determined dragging of the suitcase. The steady steps across the bedroom, each one taking her closer and closer to the good-bye. Trading the familiar for the foreign, the known for the new.
But never, ever trading the love we have given her for any other thing.
She will always be safe in our love, always able to come home to our love. She will always know that in all the newness, our well-worn love will never wear out.
And that knowledge will be enough to hold back her tears. And our tears. Some of the time.
But not always.
Because we will all cry. Not just tomorrow, but in the days and the weeks to come as adjustments are made, as a new normal is forged, as a beloved old way of life falls away
And I don’t love that.
But I do so love her. I do so love this daughter of my heart, this cherished child who has finally come to the end of her long runway and is next in line for take off.
Fasten your seat belt, Sweetheart.
Because after all that you’ve been through and all that you’ve faced . . .
Your wings are strong enough.
I’m thrilled beyond measure that Sarah is going away to college! Why? Because I’ve been reading her story since… Well, I don’t even remember when I “found” yall. Not.A.Clue. And she’s STILL HERE! Even though she’ll be THERE, she’s HERE! And that’s an awesome, amazing, wonderful thing!
My daughter moved out at 19 and came thisclose to moving back home at 23. Luckily, we dodged that bullet! We love LOVE our empty nest and are working on downsizing and moving to a smaller (MUCH smaller!) place next summer – going from 2,000sf to 850sf! We will have two bedrooms, though, so any time she (or my dad) need/want to visit, they can.
Best of luck to Sarah during this huge transition. And to you and Steve. It will all be OK. 🙂
Stefanie,
Yes, you have truly stuck around with us for a long, long time and we are grateful! And yes, we are also grateful that she is HERE even though she is THERE. A good way to put it. 🙂
You will love downsizing. Our 15 years spent in RV’s was very freeing; we didn’t buy stuff because we had no where to put it! A simple life is a good life.
Agree so much with simplicity! We participated in our neighborhood’s annual bazaar/flea market last weekend and got rid of a lot of stuff (including a stuffed/mounted deer head – who knew there was a market for those???), in addition to making a nice chunk-o-change. That $$$ will come in handy as we’re putting a new roof on our house this week… ouch.
Stefanie,
Getting rid of a mounted deer head is one of those things I would be HAPPY to say good-bye to. As you said, you never can tell what someone else is looking for!
Hugs. But it’s a good sad. I want mine off on their own. Some have returned in need of shelter from some storms and then the relaunch is seen in a whole other perspective, as a very good thing that you want to to have work.
You’ve had her a little longer than you did Nathan, and I think she’ll be back in a couple of years, as well as back for visits. It’s a sweet transition way that she has chosen. But still, hugs.
Cath,
Hard to believe there can be such a thing as a “good sad” but there really can be as I know you have also experienced.
Sounds like you and your kids have walked some winding roads together but I know it comforts them to know that shelter is available when needed but a relaunch is necessary as well.
Hugs to ALL of us moms during these times of transition.
My heart is so happy for Sarah. I have followed her life and celebrated her amazing milestones all the while missing my Sarah. My prayers are traveling with her as she turns the page and starts writing chapter in a book in which I feel blessed to read. God’s richest blessings on you all.
Lisa,
As were driving to Regent yesterday, I spent a lot of time thinking about the moms I know who had daughters who will never make that college journey; my heart just hurt for you all. Thank you, as always, for the way you have continued to rejoice with Sarah and her milestones. You have a huge heart!
Not sure where my first comment disappeared to, but I said something to the effect that you and Steve have more reason than most to need extra strength to send Sarah on her way. Her poise and maturity is such a tribute to you both. She has a wonderful journey ahead.
Liz,
Steve and I have definitely walked some long, hard roads with Sarah; saying goodbye and leaving her yesterday was a very strange feeling because she is no longer under our wing and our protection. I can’t wait to hear her stories!
I love that last sentence… kids who have beaten cancer are so strong and Sarah is going to wow them all! Can’t wait to see what her future holds!! God has big plans for her..
Tiffany,
Cancer strong. That would be a good t-shirt for Sarah. Thanks for your encouragement on our journey through the years.
?? ((Hugs)) You’ve trained her up in the way she should go. She is a delightful young woman who loves the Lord. Well done, Mama. I’m praying for you as you enter this new season of life.
Jessica,
Thank you for the hugs and the prayers. Good medicine for this mama heart tonight.
Good luck Sarah – and Mom and Dad as you enter this empty nest period. When I went off to MU some 43 years ago, my mom had to stay home as she had recently had major surgery and the trip would have been too hard on her. So my dad and 9 year old brother took me to college for the first time. I’m sure my mom sat at home and cried most of the time they were gone.
We were just talking about empty nests here at work. My friend has had her daughter, 3 year old granddaughter and 2 year old grandson living with her and her husband for the last month. Not to mention a dog and a cat. On August 4th, a new granddaughter was born and came home on August 6th. Her son-in-law got transferred to Seattle and her daughter was too far along in the pregnancy to go ahead and move so come Friday, the three grandkids and daughter will be joining her son-in-law in Seattle. My friend and her husband are flying with them on Friday and will stay a week before coming home to the empty house. I know there will be lots of tears shed when they go to the airport in a little less than 2 weeks to come back to Kansas.
Phyllis,
I feel bad for your mom, even all these years later, thinking of her having to stay home alone. I would have been absolutely heartsick to have missed that important trip.
Your friends have certainly had a lot of family stuff going on over these past few weeks. Wow!
Ps Question: What is Sarah wearing on her body the last hospital picture? I see an IV ad the feeding tube but what is the thing to the right?
Katrina,
That is the call button for the nurse.
Cripes! Tears ran as I was reading this. You have done a fantastic job of raising Sarah and she KNOWS where she can safely return and get all the comfort she may need on occasion. Sarah will do great at school and forging new friendships and work relationships. Good Luck to all of you!
Wendy,
Tears for you reading; tears for me writing!
Thanks for your encouragements!
Oh so sad, but you guys have done a great job raising such wonderful children who have now transitioned to adults! Now you can look forward to the return trips back to “the nest” which are always so much fun! Praying for an easy transition for all of you!!
Donna,
I am SO looking forward to that first return trip–only three weeks from now!
Becky, you guys couldn’t have done a better job raising Sarah. You have prepared her as much as it is possible for her transition to adulthood. She is a strong, talented, thoughtful person, and I know that she will continue to make you proud. Well done.
Stephen,
Your words mean so much, especially coming from one of Sarah’s all-time favorite teachers! Thank you for being so kind and I have to agree with you in your assessment of Sarah. I think she is pretty special.
Thanks again for taking the time to pass along such wonderful encouragement; it will mean a lot to her to read it.
Aww Becky… You said it so beautifully!! I am going through this too. A child leaves a momma cries at the goodbye slash growing up of a child. Its very hard to adjust but it has to be done. We have to let go. We love them as they grew and love them still as they leave and make a new life. But it’s so hard… Thankfully yours is leaving on a great note!! Mine not so much. I’ll keep your family in my prayers. Hugs from Zebulon!!
Catherine,
I’m sorry you’ve had some family complexities lately. There’s never a dull moment, is there? 🙂
Thanks so much for the prayers.
Jan,
Is this a phantom comment? 🙂
Wow, apparently! I forget what I wrote (but I’m sure it was brilliant), cough… cough… My eyes were just filled with tears as I read your entry. I know how I felt when my sons went off to college, moved to Texas and New York City, etc. And I think it’s harder for you, because…due to Sarah’s illness…you had to be so much more protective of her than most of us do of our children.
Of course she’ll be fine; of course she’ll have a wonderful time; of course she’ll learn a lot so she can have a job that she loves. But it still hurts like the dickens when our jobs are done!
Jan,
Well that’s why I was so sad when the comment wasn’t there because I knew it would be something fabulous! 🙂
And yes, having to quit a job I love DOES hurt like the dickens. I can tell you’ve “been there, done that” to express it so perfectly.
Tears of sadness and joy, gratefulness for all that was overcome and excited expectations new things to come.
So thankful God gave us tears and not one tear goes unnoticed/uncaught by Him.
Guerrina,
Tears, gratefulness, excitement. That sums up this day pretty well!
What a beautiful tribute to Sarah. To know that God has had His hand on her since she was born, and will continue to do so after leaving the nest. all of the pictures you have posted of her have told us much – of your love for her and she for you, Steve, Nathan, Megan and nephew and niece. Fly Sarah!
Sharyn,
Thank you for those words and your encouragement. Sarah is a pretty easy person to write a tribute about!
It is really so sad. But you are strong enough. No one tells you, when your babies are born, not to get too attached because in a couple of decades they will LEAVE. Hugs to you all.
Lesley,
I know. What IS it about our kids growing up and leaving?
Becky, What a wonderful post! So fitting for Sarah’s departure, but also for mine at the end of next month. Tears sliding down as I read it. Great courage is required in moments like this and you three are doing a fine job!
Cindy,
I know you have had so much transition in your life recently, as well. Hugs to you!
So beautiful. And yes, I’m crying with you. Fly safely sweet girl!
Big hugs for you all from Nebraska!
LeeAnne,
Lots of crying and flying going on today. 🙂
Incredible post, Beck. We are right there with you in spirit.
?, Deb & The Guys
Thanks, Deb. We feel your support always!
Praying for you all this morning. Fly safely, Sarah.
Janet,
Thanks so very much for the prayers this morning; we were certainly in need of them!
Sending you a giant hug this morning. I woke up praying for you and your family and I will pray for you throughout the day. Praying for peace and strength in this time of transition. Sarah’s wings are strong enough…. are so are yours.
* and so are yours (not “are”)
Jenna,
How sweet it is to know that you woke up praying for us; that means the world.
I didn’t think my wings were strong enough but we did get her dropped off and are back home. Now that adjustments begin!
Becky you have such a way with words. You and Steve have raised such amazing children that truly know that they will be in your hearts forever. I will be thinking about your family tomorrow as Sarah begins her new journey.
Mel,
Thanks for your encouragement about my writing. I do so love words and love this family I get to write about.
I also love my faithful readers. Thanks for being one of them!
Oh I teared up. And it was beautiful written
Katrina,
Lots of tearing up today! 🙂
from one Becky mama heart to another Becky mama heart. The lives she will continue to touch as much as the ones she has touched
Becky,
Glad to have another Becky mama heart out there!
Prayers for you today Becky. It’s such a hard chapter to finish … It’s like you are not ready for the next chapter to start, yet they are, and you have prepared them for all of it. This mama heart is feeling for your mama heart today, and all of my friends who are dropping off their children at colleges this week!
Karen,
Yes, this is definitely the week of trauma for all of the college parents! I guess the fact that is such an abrupt transition is what really gets to me. Thanks for your sweet words.
Beautiful.
Steve,
Thanks for your part in getting her ready for the flight.
So praying for each one as this new adventure becomes reality. Things will change as you know but not the love. May God wrap His loving arms around each one as you go forward with what He has in store. I will miss the pictures so Sarah needs to be sure to send some so that we can keep up with her. Love to all.
Ann,
Yes, I will miss taking the pictures of Sarah! I’ll grab as many from FB as I can. 🙂
It’s not easy letting your baby fly away but remember she always has your warm nest to fly home to …
CeCe,
Yes, this nest is definitely ready any time she wings her way back.
I never realized until it started happening, how hard it was to let them go! Our three who have gone (one more still in high school) are doing well…but it is still hard. We really like–as well as love–our kids and miss them so!
DeLynn,
Loving AND liking your kids is a great thing. You are blessed!
Sob. Sending you blessings as you all enter this next chapter. How bittersweet. How perfect.
Paige,
Glad I have someone to sob with me! 🙂