This will be a big week for us as Sarah heads back to Duke on Wednesday to meet with Dr. Riedel who specializes in sarcomas and chemotherapy. Even though the mass in her abdomen is not malignant, she will still be seen at the Duke Cancer Center since the same doctors who see cancer patients also see patients with desmoid tumors.
So by Wednesday afternoon, we should have a fairly finalized treatment plan which will be good to finally know since we started on this journey over a month without having any idea how it was all going to pan out.
I’ll have to admit that it’s been hard to know how to feel emotionally these days. Of course, we are beyond thrilled to have the words “no cancer” in our lives. And thank you to all of you who have left comments over the past few days rejoicing with us; we appreciate you so much.
And yet we are finding out that the treatment for desmoid tumors is often very much like the treatment for cancer. And so the joy of Sarah not having cancer feels diluted by the fact that she still may be facing some difficult treatment days ahead.
So part of me rejoices and part of me weeps . . . a complicated emotional place to be.
Yesterday morning during worship team rehearsal, I was singing a solo on a particular song by Matt Redman and the words hit just a little too close to home.
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Before I knew it my singing had turned to tears and my piano playing had turned to silence. The other two women on the team immediately put down their microphones and walked over to me–one on one side and one on the other– and began to pray for me, rubbing my back, offering me tissues, and offering me the comfort and the love of sisters who have walked down tough roads of their own.
I am so thankful for my church family–and also thankful for the Kleenex corporation.
Sarah and Gage took a trip to Mebane, NC Friday night to hang out at the family home of an old friend from her school, Regent University, where they met up with more of her college friends. There were three couples (as well as the parents and younger brother) and Sarah had fun introducing her fella to some of her favorite people from Regent. They played board games, talked, laughed, and had the best time. It was therapeutic for Sarah and Gage to have a chance to do something normal and non-medical with people their age. Plus, they went shopping in Raleigh the next day and found Gage’s wedding suit and shoes so that was a big deal!
And speaking of wedding suits, that reminds me that we haven’t shown the invitations yet! They want their wedding theme to incorporate things like world travel, the British, and all things vintage.
So we thought these invitations were just perfect, with the quirky travel theme. The two of them have quirky down to an art form.
Some of you have expressed an interest in getting something for their wedding. You can go to the website listed above to find their registry which they will be adding additional items to this week.
We’ll also be live-streaming the ceremony which I will give more info about as the date gets closer.
I’ll close with a few more engagement pictures that Gage’s brother, Nick, took several weeks ago. I thought it would be nice to start your Monday out with a smile.
We are so thankful for everyone who is walking this road with us. Your prayers and love are felt every moment of every day. I’m finding out as these difficult days go by that when words fail, tears speak.
I wrote a song a long time ago that says,
You listened to my heart
To my prayer without words
Made a way for my heart to be heard
And you listened, Lord, to the sound of my tears
Calling through the darkness for your love to draw near
You listened to my heart.
All the tears that fall when the shadows call
Have been gathered in your hands
You’re never unaware of unspoken prayer
Without a word you understand
You listen to my heart.
So much to say — thankful, yet understand why you have a mix of emotions. But I have to say those are the most beautiful engagement photos ever. It makes me smile!
Oh, wow! First things first. Those photos are beautiful, and the fourth one down with the happy couple laughing joyfully is certainly one to share with family for generations to come. Now that you’ve shared a bit about the wedding theme, I am so excited to see more! The invitation alone is very cool. I love the slightly offbeat, “nerdy” vibe (meant affectionately, of course – I myself am offbeat and nerdy). I think it’s pretty awesome that Sarah and Gage are comfortable doing their own thing. I’m also a youngish woman and I think there’s a lot of pressure to conform to an Instagram ideal wedding day, but this? This is way cooler. I love old and vintage things, choosing to live in an old apartment (it has a phone nook!!!) instead of one of the myriad newly constructed buildings in my city. Sarah’s style is so effortlessy cool and I’m looking forward to seeing her touch on the wedding decor.
Next, I can’t imagine the feelings that must be brought up for Sarah and all of you at having to return to the cancer center at Duke. While hearing “no cancer” is obviously an amazing blessing, it’s kind of bittersweet that she’s having to return to the oncology department anyway. I think she’s had enough oncology for all of us. Hopefully this foray will be her last and treatment will be as easy as chemo could possibly be. Thinking of all of you!
Meredith
P.S. Has Sarah read any of Connie Willis’s Oxford Time Travel books? They’re about a group of historians at Oxford University who travel back to their chosen period of study. They’re a lot of fun!
Meredith,
So glad you like the invitations; I love that they suit Sarah and Gage so well. How cool that you live in an old apartment with a phone nook. So much character in old buildings. I LOVE them!
The decorations will definitely be all vintage-y and not at all “normal” wedding decor.
Not sure if Sarah has heard of the Time Travel books or not. I’ll pass that title along; they sound great! She’s always looking for new books to read.
Oh, goodness…. I hurried from this post to Sarah’s and Gage’s wedding site, and I never came back to comment!
I so wish that they could just look forward to the wedding with nothing more important on their minds than what color placemats will be on the table. However, I know that they’ll walk through this trial with the same grace that Sarah has shown in all her other crises. She is the epitome of one who walks with the Lord.
I am continuing to pray for you all as you navigate this familiar and unfamiliar road. I’m grateful that none of this has taken God by surprise. He is already preparing the way. I love Sarah and Gage’s engagement pictures. It captures her perfectly!
Becky,
Praying for a safe, productive trip to Duke with good news and results.
I absolutely love the engagement pictures. The tender love, joy and happiness they share just shines. They make such a beautiful couple…truly a match made in heaven.
The invitations are quite unique, just like Sarah and Gage. Another perfect match. I really like them. Did you design them yourself?
Again, many prayers for all of you as you start these next miles of the journey we call life.
Prayers, blessings and hugs,
Linda in Pittsburgh
P.S. Have you found your mother of the bride dress yet?
Linda,
Nope, didn’t design the invites. They were on Shutterfly and we just added the information. We were really glad to find something that suited their theme so well.
Nope. No Mother of the Bride dress yet. Looking for the right fit, right color, right price–and comfortable! 🙂
Becky, I looked up Sarah’s type of tumor and I saw something I don’t think I heard you mention. Doctors may choose to monitor desmoid tumors without intervention because there is a chance that the tumor will stop growing and will not require treatment. Radiation and chemotherapy can shrink or halt the growth of desmoid tumors, but both of those treatments have unpleasant side effects. Sometimes extreme heat or cold is effective, and many desmoid tumors respond to non-invasive treatments such as anti-inflammatory drugs or hormones I hope the last two options have been mentioned to you. Prayers for Sarah and all of you.
Debbie,
Yes, we were aware of the “wait and see” plan of treatment. The last we heard though, that didn’t seem like it was going to be an option because the doctor last week described the tumor as being “locally aggressive” meaning it has already started to grow into other areas of the abdomen.
Active watching would certainly be a wonderful mode of treatment because of the lack of side effects (like zero!) but from what we can tell now, it’s not a matter of IF they are going to treat but when–whether before or after the wedding. And we are certainly hoping for afte if they feel it’s safe enough to wait that long.
I had never heard of that kind of tumor until the doctor mentioned it last week. Not exactly my favorite kind of reading but I’m like you–I want to know as much as possible! Thanks for sharing what you’ve learned.
Becky hopefully they can wait till the wedding. God has this in his timing. If they get to wait maybe anti-inflammatory drugs or hormones could help. Just a thought from when I read the article. Know you have the best doctors around. Take care, hope tomorrow is a good day.
Debbie,
Thanks so much for your comment compassion, and prayers. They mean so much.
Dear Becky, Thank you for sharing the immense difficulty of holding two competing thoughts at once, as one of your readers so appropriately put it. I hope it helps to know that walking those two roads at the same time is something that all of your readers share with you and your family. As usual, your photos were my favorite part of this blog, and these photos of Sarah and Gage were so wonderful they nearly popped off the page. Seeing their beautiful smiles during this time of “two roads” was especially heart-warming and was a reminder to us that they will not let their joy of this special time be stolen by other events. Becky, you are truly a gifted photographer and gifted writer, a winning combination that keeps your readers informed, entertained and inspired!
Fred,
First, let me say that I can’t take credit for those marvelous photos. All the engagement photos were taken by Gage’s brother, Nick. He’s very gifted, isn’t he? But since the writing was all mine, I can take half of your compliment. 🙂
Yes, I agree that it’s wonderful to see Gage’s and Sarah’s smiles shine through in the midst of everything going on around them. Joy in the storm certainly sums them up.
Hebrews 4:16 “Let us therefore come Boldly unto the Throne of Grace, that we may obtain Mercy, and find Grace to help in time of need” Father God, you tell us in your word to come to you Boldly in time of need. We lift up Sarah to you this day Praying Earnestly for complete healing of her physical health. Father God, you speak to us in Mark 11:24 saying that if we Believe, We Will Receive. We lift our Prayer up to you with Believing Hearts. Praying in the Mighty Name of Jesus
Love,
Cousin Gloria
Asheville, NC
Gloria,
Thank you for that wonderful verse; definitely a good one for this season!
WOW – the invitations are so perfectly Sarah & Gage! And what amazing engagement photos. How fun Gage & Sarah got to spend time this past weekend with couples in the same stage of life. And how comforting to have such an amazing church family (by the way, I love the song that brought you to tears). Prayers for peace with the plan received Wednesday.
Sue Ellen,
Peace with the plan. That’s a good way to put it. WhatEVER it turns out to be–we all need that peace.
Those invitations are PERFECT, and the photos are incredible! Sarah simply sparkles, and Gage’s love for her is so tenderly apparent. He will be there, no matter how bumpy the road, and it’s really heartwarming to realize that. Sarah looks like a fragile bird, but birds are TOUGH. Think about the hummingbird, that flies hundreds to THOUSANDS of miles each year. That’s our Sarah; able to make that journey every time. We will cover her in prayer every step of the way, and we’ll cover you, too, sweet Becky. Love you so much!
Pam,
What a beautiful analogy about the hummingbird flying so far each year. Ever so fragile but oh so strong. That is Sarah–making this journey through who know what’s to come.
Hugs to you and Chuck.
So happy that Sarah and Gage got some fun time in and love the invites – they seem perfectly fitting for Sarah and Gage! I know that the path ahead may be bumpy, but I also know that there is a strong contingent of people praying that the bumps be only pebbles. They are on the brink of an amazing life together!
Debbie,
Yes, a bump turning into a pebble would be a lovely thing, indeed. 🙂
Like you, I am excited to see the life the two of them are going to create together.
I was wondering too, if she doesn’t have cancer, why does she need to have chemo? But the Lord and the doctors have everything under control and want the best for the bride to be. What fantastic pictures – those are definitely keepers. (Sometimes there are pictures that are just okay and others will take the place of them), but these are golden – love the invitation – very Sarah!
Sharyn,
They can’t remove the tumor because of its size and location. Chemo (and radiation) may very well have to used to shrink it first.
Love the word “golden” for the photos. So true!!
These pictures are so joyful. They truly show how perfect they are for each other. I really love Sarah’s hair in these too!
I am so excited you will be live streaming the wedding. I do feel like I know you all!
Will continue praying for the medical challenges that lie ahead. And for the Bride and Groom to be as the wedding approaches(and mom and dad too!). Still so thankful it is not cancer!
Jill,
Joyful. Excited. Thankful. Love those words that popped out of your comment at me.
THANK YOU JESUS…FOR NO CANCER…FOR THIS BEAUTIFUL YOUNG COUPLE…FOR ALWAYS BEING FAITHFUL TO YOUR PROMISES…FOR LISTENING TO A MOTHER’S HEART……
Jojy,
Many great thankgsivings!
The pictures are great and the invitation is so cute.
Prayers continue for Sarah’s health and future treatment.
Sounds like she and Gage had a much needed fun weekend.
Phyllis,
Yes, she and Gage had such a great time. It was the perfect thing for them to spend time with friends and away from doctors.
Becky, I can only try to imagine the conflicting emotions you are feeling, from one end of the spectrum to the other. Praying that the treatment plan is tolerable and effective.
The invitations are really clever and unique. I love them! The pictures are super too. The happiness and joy on their faces and in their eyes says it all. Sarah is going to be a very beautiful bride!! I hope that I will be able to watch it…thank you Sarah and Gage for sharing your special day with all of us out here!
Lee Anne,
Your comment is beautiful, just like that close up black and white photo of Sarah and Gage!! And to further comment on your bird analogy, I can’t help but think of the verse that says “They never sow or reap; yet the Heavenly Father feeds them.” Just like the birds, Sarah will be “fed” and taken care of by our Heavenly Father!!
Donna,
That is one of my favorite verses and I also love the song, “His eye is on the sparrow, and I know He watches me.” (Or to add: He watches Sarah.)
Sorry Lee Anne, my comment should have been under Pam’s comment! But your comment is very nice too. I always love the encouragement and love you put into your comments!
Lee Anne,
Even if you don’t catch the actual live-streamed, it will stay up for a while so it can be watched later. And I’ll also try to imbed it here on the blog.
Thanks for the prayers for the treatment plan.
She is absolutely darling in those engagement pictures. I know your heart is hurting for her medical trials ahead, hugs to you. It is very very hard. I’m hoping that with the meeting on Wed and a PLAN finally, things will look a little bit better. On a happier note, the invitation is so decidedly Sarah and Gage. Love it!
Lesley,
“So decidedly Sarah and Gage.”
So true!
Love the invitation. So unique and fun. Prayers continue as you move forward.
Patti,
Glad you like the invite; we thought it summed everything up really well!
Thank you for sharing those beautiful truths in your song and the concept of, “He hears our tears.” Sigh… so glad He does. Sarah and Gage’s photos are adorable. Their joy and love in the midst of their hurt shines through. We love you all. ❤️🙏
Cheryl,
Thanks for your always wise and compassionate words. Can’t wait to see you soon!
I can’t imagine your thankfulness, your elation, your thanksgiving when you heard the words “No cancer”. I remember getting up each morning and checking in on your updates on Sarah and have gone back and read posts from back “when” and praying for Sarah every day. Then recently adding her to my prayer list again. We serve an awesome God and He isn’t finished with Sarah’s duties on this earth.
Don’t know if you remember that 15 years ago my husband was diagnosed with colon cancer. 12 surgeries, 25 chemo treatments, rehab and everything that you know go along with a cancer diagnosis and he is still with us. He has Fibromyalgia……..altho we have never reached a 5 year remission mark in those 15 years. Something always seems to come up. He had scans 3 weeks ago and the little PET scan light shown itself in his chest, They will keep an eye on it. If it begins to grow, then he’ll either have chemo to shrink it or he’ll go through his 13th surgery.
Then, at the same time, I was at the same cancer treatment center for a 2nd opinion for a mammogram, had some biopsies and will have followups every 2 months. You know how that story goes since you’ve been through it!
I am so happy to hear that Sarah is going to be OK. She has a wedding to plan, a wedding to be in and then she’ll be a wife. Her future is laid out for her. She just doesn’t know what it all holds right now. I will keep her in my prayers for a long time to come and wish you all the best. God bless each and every one of you.
Linda,
I cannot even imagine 12 surgeries and all those other treatments. Even though your husband was the one to go through it all, I know from experience that it’s almost as difficult for the loved one who is caring for them and worrying over them. You two make a great team and I am so thankful he’s been blessed with these many extra years. Let me know how the PET scan situation turns out as well as YOUR medical situation. Sometimes it all just feels like it’s a bit too much–but in the middle of it all, we know God is enough.
Oh my gosh! I am SO GLAD you’re going to livestream the wedding! I was hoping you would, but didn’t want to ask. 🙂 (My cousin lives in the UK, and he live-streamed his son’s wedding for those of us who couldn’t make the journey – so much fun!)
The invitation is adorable. 🙂
Stefanie,
Yes, we figured there would be a good number of people who would love to see it. And then later on, we’ll also have a professionally edited video to post as well.
I once had a really wonderful therapist say to me, “sometimes maturity means making room to hold two truths at once.” So yes, you celebrate that Sarah doesn’t have cancer AND, no, what’s ahead is no one’s choice for their newlywed days.
But to your cheerier point, it’s very exciting that the wedding will be live steamed. How lovely!
Ellen,
That was a very wise therapist; those words hold such truth!
Their invitation is so cool. Love a these other engagement pictures as well. I’m still praying for Sarah and her treatment.
Wendy,
Yep. Those invitations suit them perfectly! Thank you for the continued prayers.
fantastic invitation and fantastic engagement photos.
beautiful song…..
Mrs. Pam,
Glad you love the invites, the photos, and the song!
I’m so glad they were able to hang out with friends! Those wedding invitations are so beautiful! I love them!
Sarah
Yes, hanging out with friends was better medicine than anything Duke could offer!
Praying for Sarah, Gage and the Smith family. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if the tumor shrinks on it’s on. That’s what I am praying for.
Their engagements pictures are so good. The love just spills from them. They are going to have a wonderful life together.
Love and Hugs,
Joy,
Yes, we would be thrilled if the tumor shrank on its own. Nothing is outside the realm of possibility!
Those photos truly do a great job of capturing their love.
Beautiful.picture. An exciting time for Sarah and Gage.
Thank you, Faye!
The engagement pictures are wonderful, neither Sarah or Gage seem able to take a bad photo! I am also excited to watch their wedding from my home. Praying for peace and love in the days to come.
Cindy,
I agree. They are so photogenic. Glad you will get to watch the wedding from home–that will be special for you.
I can only imagine how difficult it must be knowing that Sarah has hard treatment days ahead. Will continue praying for her health and also for her to be able to feel and enjoy all of the joy and excitement leading up to the wedding. So many conflicting emotions at one time for Sarah and all who love her. Also, wow, such great pictures!
Sarah,
Joy and excitement mixed with worries and health challenges. An interesting road to be walking, for sure.
So glad you enjoyed those wonderful pictures.
Big strong hugs!
Guerrina,
Big thanks back!