Tomorrow is Sarah’s 21st birthday!
Not only is it a landmark birthday, it is also the first birthday that will not be spent with her family. (She had decided she wanted to spend the first three weeks at college with no visits–she’ll come home over Labor Day.)
So here’s wishing our beloved college gal a lovely last day of being twenty. (Side note: Sarah is probably one of the few young women in American who is turning 21 without ever having been on a date!)
We had an early birthday celebration the Friday before she left. One of my favorite small gifts I found for her was this pack of Kleenex which says, “It’s all going to be okay-ish.”
That perfectly sums up how I’ve been feeling this week in her absence; trying to adjust and survive but basically just managing to be okay-ish.
I found a small carved piece of mahogany with the word “Fly” engraved on the front which I thought was perfect for this season of her life. On the back, I wrote the date and then Steve and I each wrote three words that we felt applied to her, along with a Bible verse reference.
Sarah put the piece on her desk in her dorm.
Sarah requested an Oreo Ice Cream Cake for her birthday. Since I was running low on time, Steve whipped it up for her. He did a great job, even festooning the top of it with a “21” made of mini chocolate chips. 
Of course, the birthday hat made its faithful appearance. (Sarah first wore it when she was about 4.) Since the hat was just sitting there on Sarah’s head doing nothing, I utilized it for a unique photographic perspective.
Twenty-one! Can you believe it?
The following afternoon, as we were keeping a watchful eye on the Pre-College Countdown, we decided to embark on a brief sojourn down to the waterfront to make a few last-minute memories.
(Note: Meagan’s mom, Sheri, gave me the green shirt while we were in FL, and I have just loved wearing it! We enjoy passing clothes back and forth.)
Steve and Sarah started their waterfront stroll off quite sedately but I knew that the sedateness would be short-lived.
I was right. It wasn’t long before Steve turned to Sarah and said, “Let’s skip!”
And skip they did, continuing their long tradition of skipping together in a variety of places and settings. (What you can’t see in the picture is a woman in a kayak just out of the frame. She was staring at them in a decidedly fascinated manner.)
They even talked to me into doing some somewhat sedate-ish skipping.
After all that skipping, we had to sit down for a rest.
And then it was back down the path toward home and the continuation of the countdown.
The next morning in our service, the church had a special prayer for the students who were leaving for college. Halfway through, I felt Sarah’s small hand reach out and grab mine. I held on tight, not wanting that moment to pass and disappear.
Speaking of church, there is a woman at our church named Misty who is the leader of the young women’s small group that Sarah has been a part of. Misty was sick on Sarah’s last Sunday and wasn’t able to say goodbye to her.
As Misty was driving to work Monday morning she was thinking about Sarah and rueing the fact that she hadn’t gotten a chance to see her before she left, She thought to herself, “As soon as I get to work, I am going to text Sarah and tell her good-bye.”
Right in the middle of that thought, she happened to glance at the car next to her at the light and who should be behind the wheel but Sarah, on her way to college!
Misty got Sarah’s attention and they rolled their windows down and shouted out “Bye! I love you!” as the light changed. Sarah had been driving along, feeling all emotional about leaving her friends and family behind and it meant the world for her to get that last, sweet glimpse of Misty–her friend and mentor,
I just love those kinds of happy happenstances in life.
Here are a few pictures Sarah has taken this week.
She was so delighted that the first Movie on the Lawn was our family favorite, The Princess Bride.
I talked with her on the phone an hour yesterday afternoon, and all in all, she sounds like she’s adjusting well. When you take an introvert who has had her own bedroom and bathroom for seven years and you stick her in a dorm room and on a campus with a bunch of complete strangers, it’s not an easy adjustment. But she seems to be doing very well and has only cried once in six days. (If it had been me, I would probably have cried twice a day–whether I needed to or not!)
Speaking of crying, I had quite a difficult time of it after she left. I’m not sure that I spoke more than two dozen full sentences to Steve the whole week. On Friday, my day off, I spent my entire day in my pajamas just being pitiful and mournful. I was starting to get the feeling that I wasn’t going to be able to successfully make the adjustment from Mom to . . . what? What is next for me? Who am I going to be now that twenty-seven years of active mom duty is over?
Steve was very loving and patient with me, fixed dinner one night and brought me flowers and a card that made me cry.
Yesterday, I started feeling more like I was getting a grip on things and today I am feeling pretty much back to normal. Or I guess I should say that I’m feeling pretty much back to my new normal–whatever that turns out to be.
It’s not been an easy time but it’s been tempered by the joy that Sarah is doing well and that she is in a really wonderful place.
To close, here are a few photos I took a couple of days before she left.
Only 12 days before she comes home for Labor Day Weekend . . . but who’s counting?
What about you? Are you an empty nester? If so, what advice do you have for other empty nesters who are just starting this chapter of their lives?
Happy Belated Birthday to Sara!! What a beautiful young woman she’s become. Hope she enjoys her time away at school, what an adventure that I’m sure she’ll love!
Robin,
She’s loving it so far! When she gets home tomorrow night, I’m sure we’ll hear a hundred (or two) stories!
My baby son graduated in June and promptly packed some clothes and camping gear and moved to Colorado with 8 of his friends. It would have been sad but a few weeks before graduation my oldest daughter and family (3 kids under 7) moved back in to the house so the little ones kept me very busy. At last they have their own home and I am so enjoying having my house back, and 3 out of 6 of my grandchildren close by. #7 will be here in March!
Sarah is a beautiful girl and her prince charming is out there, I bet God has the best plan!
Meg,
Peggy,
Sounds like your life has been a whirl of comings and goings. And with 7 grand children (by March) the happy whirl will just continue. Enjoy!
Happy belated birthday to Sarah! I hope it was a day filled with happy times. 🙂 Becky, counting the days is a practice that will not go away too quickly, if ever. I still find myself counting days to times spent with our children, grandchildren and other family. Absence truly does make the time together so much sweeter. 🙂
LeeAnne,
I think it’s the day-counting that increases the joy as the deadline gets closer and closer. 🙂 I’m thankful to have good things to anticipate in the Day Counting Department.
Happy Birthday Sarah!!!! I hope college equates to meeting people who become life long friends and a great degree of course! Also, on your wedding day please skip down the aisle with your dad. I think it would be the perfect entrance. Becky I have a long way to empty nester but your post makes me want to slow down time. Hope you adjust to the new normal and find exciting ways to fill the time. A book sounds perfect. I think your family’s story of faith and courage would resonate with all.
Rachel,
Wouldn’t that be so funny if they DID do some wedding day skipping? 🙂
I am right there with you wishing we could slow down time. If you blink just a time or two, your empty nest days will be upon you!
Happy belated birthday to Sarah!
As for empty-nesting – I love, Love, LOVE mine! Mike and I have been empty-nesters since Ab was 19 – so that’s six years! She moved out, got married a few years later, then went through a divorce. We put our (collective) foot down, that she was not moving back in. She found a place to stay, and has since found her way. She lives in a lovely apartment in a quiet, safe suburb and has a job that she loves…and that pays very well. She’s now saving for a house!
My advice, then, from the perspective of a mom of a “difficult” teen: celebrate! Enjoy your freedom to come/go as you please, eat what you want, do your chores uniterrupted, cultivate your hobbies!
p.s. I second Kari’s observation of the birthday hat. I about fell out when I first saw it. 🙂
Stefanie,
I know you are so proud of Ab for making her way as an adult and recovering and thriving, even after going through very tough circumstances. You did your job as parents well!
Yes, I can see that the empty nest has some appeal; I’m just working on finding my befuddled way through all the adjustments to get to that point!
Glad you liked the birthday hat picture; I have two Birthday Hat Perspective Fans. 🙂
Happy Belated Birthday Sarah. Sounds like you are adjusting well. Becky – I am sure that in time you will also. 🙂
Mel,
Yep, as days go by I’m feeling more and more normal-ish. And it helps that she’s coming home for a visit in 9 days! 🙂
Happy Birthday wishes to Sarah on her 21st! Umm, that photo of the birthday hat is a unique perspective, surprised no one else commented on it.
Regarding your previous post showing her dorm, I was surprised to see a full kitchen. That is a great idea and lends itself to much healthier eating!
Glad to hear you’re feeling a bit more okayish now!
Kari,
I know, right? That was a great photographic perspective! Thanks for noticing and commenting. 🙂
Sarah loves having that kitchen; one of her roommates love to cook and Sarah is a good dish-doer so they are going to have a healthy, yummy year!
Sarah was wise not to have visitors for 3 weeks. My freshman year was spent only 35 miles from home but we could not leave campus overnight for 6 weeks. It gave us time to adjust and learn each other. After that I came home on Friday nights for the football game and returned before midnight. When I transferred to Campbell it was further and I could not always come home on weekends. As a senior I had a car and did make the weekend trips. I moved back home after graduation to teach school and lived with my parents until I got married 31 years ago this week. Never regretted any of it. Sarah will be fine and I am so proud of her.
Ann,
Yes, I was glad Sarah made that choice to not come home and for us not to come see her although I have to admit it’s hard not seeing her on her birthday! Sounds like you make some good choices back in your college days; nice to be able to look back and not regret the things you did.
I know your parents must have enjoyed those bonus years when you came back home for awhile.
Happy birthday to Sarah! She and my nephew are just a day apart, he turned 21 yesterday. I can’t speak to empty nestedness (if that is a word) as I’m not married and never had any kids.
Phyllis,
If empty nestedness isn’t a word, I think it should be!
And a nephew (or neice) is the best thing to have in your life when you don’t have kids. Happy birthday to him, too!
Stay busy! visit friends, visit nursing home or shut ins in the evenings. I even cleaned out closets and drawers! The busier I was the less my mind was wrapped up in Momma worry and missing time.
Elizabeth,
Yes, I am thinking my drawers and closets are going to be much cleaner in the next few months. I am definitely going to try and put your “stay busy” advice to work because, as you said, it gives us less time to think about those faraway kids.
i lit a candle, and said a b-day prayer for Sarah this morning
Mrs. Pam,
You are so sweet. Thank you!
I totally understand. When we dropped our first off at college, I cried most all the way home (and I don’t cry very easily). I involved myself in house cleaning, which meant my house had not been that clean in years. My husband just smiled and tried to be understanding, and a couple of days later he went to the golf course, and HE felt the tears when his favorite golfing buddy wasn’t there! Then they come home for holidays, and you enjoy it and have to say “good bye” again. (Insert “sigh” here). But … as my husband reminded me, we have to look at it as a blessing that they grew up and are responsible enough to be on their own,and that’s part of our roles as parents. I keep that in mind with each new chapter … I don’t have to totally like it, but it’s a part of God’s plan for them … and who better to take care of them?! It will get better … I promise! Prayers for you!
Karen,
Thanks for sharing your story and letting me know I’m not alone with these feelings of forlornness. It’s just such an abrupt change; one day they’re here, the next day they’re not. The adjustment takes so much longer than the change itself.
I am happy about the visits home that are in the future but then, as you said, the good byes have to follow. Sigh. We’re gonna make it!
I hear you, I feel your pain. When we dropped off/settled in our Jonathan at NCU I cried, then sobbed as we left the Twin Cities. Made the mistake of looking at my husband and saw tears there as well. We actually missed our exit to come home, had to get out a map and ended up exploring a part of Wisconsin we hadn’t seen before. It took an extra hour to get home. I recognize the floating feeling you described. For me it is the silence in the house after they’ve left that is so “loud”. I feel it all over when they’ve been home for a visit and then go back to their home. I mope for awhile and then the new normal comes along. At the same time, there is joy and pride in seeing them meet the challenges that come along and then there’s that moment when you realize that your baby is a full grown adult, confident and responsible for big things, and the conversations you have are on a whole different level. Mom will always be Mom. Mom, can you give me that recipe? Mom, how long do you bake….what temp? Mom can you make ___ for dinner while we’re there? The call on Mother’s Day singing their own version of a Happy Mother’s Day song. Now is your time to explore, cherish their growth, and make more time for couple time. Remember what it was like before the children arrived? Now you are richer as a couple because of what you’ve shared over the years. It’s like a tale of two cities in a way. It is the best of times; it is the worst of times. A new season. What would you like to do? What dream have you put on hold? I’m contemplating starting a small photography business and being able to stay home more and sew and garden…..and visit the grandkids 😀
Karen,
Thank you for the richness and wisdom of your comment.
Your thoughts about the silence being everywhere are so poignant. I usually love silence but when silence comes from the absence of a child–well, not so much.
Isn’t that drive home from the college drop off such an unforgettable experience? Nothing can prepare you for putting the key in the ignition and driving away. Pride and pain, all mixed together in an indescribable mixture
Good luck on your photography business and kudos to you for finding the positive in a difficult time of adjustment. Thanks again for sharing your experience.
You and Sarah are both so beautiful Becky, not just in appearance but in spirit too.
This is such an exciting time for her and such a change for you. I can’t imagine what it must be like to actively mother for 27 years and then have such a big transition. Know that she still needs you now even though she is not living at home. Maybe this can be a time you can take a class you have always wanted or volunteer in a new area?
I’ve been thinking I’m about 4 years from an empty nest…but my nest might be going through huge changes. My daughter Sam”s older brother has lived for many years with a different family but ever since we adopted Sam 6 years ago he’s come monthly or so for visits. He is a very nice , sweet young man.
Thursday I got an emergency message asking if we would consider having her brother move in with my family…. with one day notice. He is 20 but his special needs mean he will need long term care and help that a typical 20 year old would not. He spent the weekend with us, has gone off to camp for the week, and returns friday. We are in discussions to find out if he can legally stay with his wonderful foster mom. …if not then we have said yes we will open our hearts, family and home 100% to him.
It is not easy because of my own health challenges. I feel pretty vulnerable and it is definitely not the strongest time in my life. However we also feel like if this is God’s will then the door will be open or shut. Sometimes God calls us for such a time as this and to take a step of faith to love another even when it is not easy. I have realized that my nest is not my own. It’s like God is the landlord and I’m the tennant. And so if God brings another chick into the nest then i will trust him to reindorce rhe nest.
Sending you big hugs! ! You have been in my prayers as you face this time of transition
Jenna,
How I admire the bigness of your heart and your willingness to say an unequivocal yes to what could be a challenging situation, especially with your health concerns.
I loved your line, “If God brings another chick into the next, then I will trust him to reinforce the nest.” That sums it up so well.
Looking forward to seeing all this all plays out in the coming days. I prayed for you when you asked for prayer on FB not even knowing what it was for. God’s got this; God’s got YOU in His strong hands.
Lovely! Just lovely!
Thank you, Terry! 🙂
Empty nesting is not for the faint of heart. Fortunately, you are anything but faint of heart!
Now you can become an author, turning years of Caring Bridging and blogging into a wonderful book of faith and hope. Or you can write lyrics to every single piece of classical music ever written. (Please start with Mozart, Piano Concerto No. 21, Andante [“Elvira Madigan”].) Or you can start a Facebook page/support group for people producing church productions. Now get busy! 😉
Jan,
That is really an interesting thought about writing lyrics to various pieces classical music, even though i know you meant it tongue in cheek. I wonder why no one has ever done that before. It’s certainly out of my realm of expertise to even consider but it would be cool to hear someone do it!
The turning my CB entries into a book is much more my speed and something I have truly been giving some thought to.
I know the new normal and the new activities will find me and I will (eventually) be okay(ish). 🙂
But it has been done! Hymn to Joy, from the 9th SymÂphoÂny of LudÂwig van
BeetÂhoÂven; adaptÂed by EdÂward HodgÂes, 1824
It’s also known as Ode to Joy. Or Joyful, Joyful (first two words of the hymn).
Well, that’s true. I just wonder why it hasn’t been done more!
Well, I have been an empty nester but for several years have had one back in the nest. You never know when they will fly back in. As far as your comment that “what are you”….you will always be an “active” mom – they always need you – maybe they are not in your presence but it is almost more important now that she is out on her own to be that mom who is there at the drop of a hat or the minute the phone rings or a text comes through. Sarah will always need her mama. Count on that! I could not be happier for her to have made this leap in her life, skipping all the way. It is a hard adjustment but let me tell you, it is harder when they have to return because something has failed them in their life. I would rather be an empty nester with a happy, settled adult child out on their own and felling fulfilled and worthwhile. That is they way life is supposed to play out.
Happy, Happy Birthday, Sarah. I am smiling for you! You are missed and loved but, oh my, how happy I am that you are who you are and exactly where you should be and need to be right at this moment in your life!
God bless all of you. Becky, you will surprised what will fill your time and how the time will fly by and she will be home to visit. Now, I am not saying there won’t be tears when she leaves – there are still tears when my older daughter leaves, but she comes back and then there are smiles and laughter.
Also, what a wise young lady to decide to not come home for a good period of time after leaving for college. I know for a fact from my older daughter that the opposite is NOT a good choice.
Hugs!
Mary,
I am always honored by the way you not just share your stories, but also your heart. You share the good, bad, and ugly of life and so beautifully stand firm in your support of those special people you love.
I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to have an adult child come back home after leaving, especially if that homecoming has been brought about by pain. I know it hurts your mama heart even while causing you to love even more fiercely.
Thank you for your sweet and encouraging words to Sarah as she embarks on this new adventure. You truly have the gift of encouragement and I appreciate you so much!
Very happy and excited for Sarah! Becky, you’re still Mom … nothing changes that.
My Brief Journey in Empty Nesting …
The day my son left to live in Florida with his Dad was terrble. As soon as I walked in the door at home I crumpled to the floor and cried … out loud. Just me and God … and the cat. Having that final apron string snapped left me free floating that day and night.
The next morning I got up and thought, “What can I do now that I couldn’t before?” ? By evening his mattress was in the backyard and I was well on my way to having a computer / craft room. I knew any visits would be short and I still had a guest room he could use. I made use of the time alone to remember who I am in addition to Mom…then he moved back after 18 months.
I miss my craft room lol but nothing replaces the joy and honor of helping him raise his son. I am grateful for the complete experience and the brief time to regroup, refresh and find the pieces of me that had been buried while single parenting. God said throw some pieces out and let’s work with these other pieces. It was enlightening and promoted growth in me.
Guerrina,
So you and Mary H. (comment above) are BOTH mamas who have dealt with an empty nest and then had that nest fill back up again. So many emotions involved in all those transitions.
I can truly relate to you crumpling to the floor and crying when your son first left but then I cheered you on when I read about you taking action to make the house your own the very next morning. You didn’t waste any time in discovering what new things about yourself you may not have known were there.
Blessings and grace to you as you continue to be a mom and grandma up close and personal. This too is a season that won’t last forever. I admire you for making the most of these days and taking the opportunity to invest in the lives of those two fellas you love so much.
I hope Sarah is having a good time settling into college. I settled into college fine but it was still a pretty big adjustment. I just turned 27 in the beginning of August and I haven’t been on a date yet either.
Sarah,
Well, Sarah will be glad to know she’s not the only one! 🙂
I’m glad you eventually got adjusted to college, even when it wasn’t easy. Good for you!
I was 23 before my first date. I was 50 when I got married! It is never too late and I waited for the right one.
Patti,
What a cool story: I loved it! The phrase “Married at 50” has all sorts of interesting stories behind it. 🙂 Good for you for waiting and finding the right guy.
Sounds like a good book title-but there isn’t that much of a story in it.
I’ve so loved following along as Sarah has prepared for and left for college. It is hard watching our babies grow up and fly away. I’m in a similar boat as you….as our daughter Ashley and hubby Joe and our 2 precious grand daughters are planning to move to NC some 18 hours away!! My nana/mom heart has been a wreck ….so know I’ll be praying much for you as I too travel this unknown road! ???
Kim,
Oh my. I know that distance well since so many of the people I love live in MN and WI. Those reunions will be all the sweeter but that sure doesn’t make the absences any easier. Hugs to you.
OMG Becky, did you have to put in there that Sarah has never had a date? LOL, you crack me up 🙂
Keep going Mama. Empty nests are the hardest thing to get used to. I couldn’t listen to any sad songs on the radio in the car. I had a couple of panic attacks after my younger son left, I knew what was going on and tried to talk myself out of it. It was awful.I had never had one before that. The good thing is that Sarah is a good ‘communicator’ with you. Maybe girls are more like that, with my boys, well, lets just say it was like pulling teeth in the beginning. They are much better now-10 years later, haha.
Lesley,
Well, I only mentioned it because I knew she wouldn’t mind; thankfully, she’s not at all embarrassed about it. 🙂
Sounds like your initial foray into empty nesting was beyond difficult for you. It really is amazing how no one can prepare you for it, and for the intensity of feelings that accompany it. You had every bit of my sympathy as you described those early moments of your transition into that chapter of life. It is HARD! But you did it and I will survive, too!
I think you’re right that girls are more into calling and texting; you know how we ladies love to talk!
You know Becky I am 26 and have never been on a date !
Happy early birthday Sarah !
Katrina,
Welcome to the date-less club–a club filled with really special people!
first off – Sarah might be 21 and not had an outside date but she has had many daddy dates and those of the best kind because they love you unconditionally and will never hurt you or let you down. As an empty nester of kids – spent time working and enjoying traveling unplanned trips with hubby. as I have now truly been an empty nester since he passed 16 years ago I spend more time making things and sending cards and such to my grands – and still working for 11 more months. I am also in the new season of my life as live in night companion along with working so mom isn’t alone nights and weekend. the circle comes full cycle
Becky,
You’re right–Sarah has had plenty of special daddy dates. As you pointed out, those are the best kinds, anyway! 🙂
How true what you said, that everything eventually comes full circle–saying goodbye to our children and (in your case) sometimes our spouses, and then saying hello to the responsibilties of caring for the people that gave us life in the first place, those people who WE turned into empty nesters.
You are so blessed to be smack dab in the middle of your own circle of love, especially needed in light of your husband’s death. Children, grandchildren, mom, friends, work, card-sending hobby–so glad to hear how you’ve filled up your life.