Saturday. 3:30 a.m.
I’m sitting in the recliner in the living room. It’s utterly silent except for the ding of my phone as I receive texts from my sisters, Ruth and Debbie.
The conversation ebbs and flows:
Mom has a severe UTI.
She is running a fever.
She is sweating through her pajamas.
She just threw up.
She’s coughing and it sounds different than usual.
She is shaky and week.
Her oxygen went down to 61.
It’s back up again to 80.
She’s agitated and struggling to breathe.
Gave her morphine.
She is calmer now.
It may be time for her to go Home.
And so it’s been going for the past several hours. Waiting in the dark hours in my chair for the next text. Waiting for the next call to be the final one.
In the midst of the texting, my sister Debbie, and her husband, Randy (who is a hospice chaplain) have made the hour-long drive through the Wisconsin darkness to Ruth and Arnold’s house. When they arrived, Debbie asked Mom if she thought she may be going to heaven soon and Mom nodded, “Yes.”
They talked about the moment when she enters heaven’s gates and sees Jesus and her beloved husband, Ed. (She and Dad would have celebrated 66 years of marriage on June 9.) So much heavenly hope as her body starts saying its earthly farewells.
Ruth called hospice and the nurse came to visit. She said she would not recommend taking Mom to the E.R. Half an hour away. Long wait to be seen. Too much trauma.
So mom will stay put in her beloved adopted home in the rural Wisconsin countryside, just as she wanted. Encompassed by the love of her two daughters, her two sons-in-law, and her grandson. Surrounded by peaceful hills, birds and deer, flowers and fields, two dogs, a cat, and a flock of chickens. Mom always did love chickens.
Mom is sleeping almost all the time, eating and drinking very little. Getting the antibiotic in her has been a challenge and Ruth and the whole Mom Entourage have been doing such a great job in caring for her.
Speaking of mom’s care, let me just mention a few unsung heroes on this journey, namely, Ruth’s husband, Arnold, and their teenage son, Levi. Debbie pointed out to me their contributions since she has been there with them. Here are her words:
Arnold is so tender and attentive to mom. He has carefully overseen her meds and written out a schedule for the morphine, administering that med to her through a syringe. He sits with Ruth during Mom’s seizures and sings to her and prays for her.
Ruth’s thermometer reads out in Celsius, and I saw where Arnold had listed out the Celsius temps and what they were in Fahrenheit to make it easier for him and Ruth to track.
I’m just very impressed by and thankful for his care for mom, for helping Ruth over these past two years and especially through this crisis. Not a lot of men would welcome their mother-in-law into their home and into their heart and especially do hands-on care. Plus, he is also tending to his own elderly mother who lives nearby.
And Levi is always ready to help. He has been the only one who could put in mom’s hearing aids and he has always known exactly how to her transfer her to the car or into her chair.
We already know all the great things Ruth does day after day after day but I just think the men need some extra brag time. Three cheers for the Rehberg Fellas!
Thanks, Debbie, for writing such a great, well-deserved tribute to the ones who are making mom’s last days more comfortable.
As this afternoon has passed, Ruth has texted that mom has only eaten a little yogurt and a couple of sips of water in the past 48 hours. She is almost too weak to open her mouth and yet keeps on trying to get out of bed; she is confused and not listening to the hospice nurse, which is unusual.
On a video Ruth sent, Mom is barely able to speak and isn’t making a whole lot of sense. The hospice nurse has said that Mom could rally, sink back down, and then rally again but Ruth said she doesn’t see how it’s possible for mom to come back from this. She seems to be weakening by the hour.
I can’t even begin to express how much I long to be there with my mom and my siblings.
However, I am comforted by the fact that she rests beneath the picture of the One she loves.
And I am comforted that she is in loving and familiar hands–every need met, every tear gathered, every breath treasured.
God Bless Ruth. So glad her family is there for her, it really helps. I’m sure it is hard to not be there Becky. Things go the way they are supposed to, always.
It’s so incredibly hard to watch someone you love so dearly slip away. And even harder when you are physically so far away. But none of this is taking God by surprise. Her days were written from the moment she was born. God is good. Praying for you and your siblings in the days and weeks to come. You said that she is beneath the picture of the One she loves and I will add the One who loves her so.
Becky and family,
I haven’t posted in a long time, but know that I am sending you grace and peace as your sweet Mom transitions. So thankful you’ve had a chance to say goodbye.
~S
Sending hugs and prayers. I so wish you were able to be there. When my father passed I was at work, I couldn’t even remember how I managed to drive to my parents house. You and all your extended family are in my thoughts.
Prayers for you all
Becky,
Thinking of you, praying for you, crying with you, sending love and hugs to you. Although it will be 30 years in November, I remember so well the feelings of losing your mother, and how helpless you feel when there is nothing you can do for her. No matter your age (I was 43) or how expected it is, losing your mom is so very hard. May Jesus wrap you in his loving arms and send you peace and comfort during these difficult times.
Prayers, hugs and comfort,
Linda in Pittsburgh
Linda,
Isn’t it amazing how long just one experience can stay with you? Such a huge shift of life, love, and emotions when a mother dies.
Thank you for your words.
Hugs, Becky. Being apart while a loved parent neared the end of this life was very difficult for me. Heart breaks for you. Heart is grateful to know it’s not forever. Hugs and tea.
Guerrina,
Yes, being apart is killing me right now. My brothers are all coming in to say goodbye, one by one. I wish I was in that lineup.
I’m so sorry
Angie–thank you so much.
Our prayers and thoughts are with you and family. So glad you were able to see her not long ago.
Sharyn,
Yes, I will always be so grateful that I had that last visit when she was still able to talk and get around a little. Such sweet memories.
Hugs and prayers for peace.
Buff
Buff,
Hugs and prayers appreciated! Thank you.
Oh Becky and family, my heart feels for you and breaks for you. Your beloved momma is so close to heaven. So comforting yet so sad. May God give you all peace and comfort as you wait. Having so many who know her needs and can care for her is such a blessing. Hugs and prayers!
LeeAnne,
Yes, I am EVER so grateful that her needs are being taken care of so well. So much love in that house right now.
Many prayers for you all.
Thank you so much, Kaye.
I’m so sorry! Prayers for peace for all of you
Debbie,
Thank you. Losing Vernie and my mom within a few weeks of each other isn’t easy, that’s for sure. So glad Vernie had YOU in her life!
No words, only tears, compassion, and sympathy. Thinking of you, Becky.
Kristina,
It’s so true that sometimes words are hard to find. Tears say it all. Thank you.
I am so sorry Becky! Keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers!
Karen,
Thank you, dear cousin!
Praying for all of you. I know how hard it is to be away from an elderly, sick parent. Such a helpless feeling, but I’m so glad she’s in the care of such loving people. My heart breaks for you.
Gayle,
Yes. Being away is the hardest thing, for sure. But so many I love are closeby so that is a great comfort.
Becky, I am so sorry your mom is suffering. I know you wish you were there with her. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Phyllis,
Thank you so much for your prayers and compassionate words.
Many thoughts and prayers for your mom as she gets closer to seeing Jesus — but also for the family as you navigate yet another family change…. so many prayers…so few words… ♥️
Beth,
Thanks for the prayers. It’s tough to think of losing both mothers within weeks of each other. I’m just thankful we have at least had a few weeks between; that’s been a blessing.
Thinking of you
Katrina–thank you so much for taking the time to send your compassion.
Prayers for all of you. Becky, I know it is hard being so many miles away..but I’m glad you can take comfort in having your loving sisters and family there tol care of your precious mom as she transitions to her heavenly home.
Sue Ellen,
And a precious mom she is. Thank you for your words.
Prayers for your family and especially for you having to deal with this from a distance! Please keep your blog family posted!
Donna,
Love your words, “Blog family.” That’s just how I feel about you all and will definitely keep you posted.
Sending you the biggest hug .
Jenna,
The hug just arrived. Thank you!
Nurse said it is day by day… only the Lord knows the day or hour.
So true, my guys help so much with mom. thankful we can do this together. Ruth
Ruth,
Day by day. Hour by hour. Minute by minute. Mercy accompanying the passage of time.
Thanks for all you are doing for our dear mother.