Fifty years ago, a new bride wasn’t able to tap some words into her phone and immediately see a hundred recipes for meatloaf. Even if the technology had existed, she would never have dreamed of making the untested meatloaf of a stranger. The horror!
The family’s meatloaf recipe had been passed down and passed around and everyone agreed that there wasn’t one anywhere that was any better.
And since that young woman wasn’t born with the recipe in her head, at some point a conversation with Grandma had to take place over a certain stained and splattered recipe card. And it wasn’t just the sharing of the recipe that was the point; it was the connection. It was getting to spend time with someone who had walked the earth longer. It was getting to participate in the timeless ritual of a young one sitting with an older one and breathing in the aroma of age and wisdom and oatmeal cookies. It was taking the time to really hear and see the woman who was many miles further down the road, to sit knee to knee over cups of tea and enter into the process of generational osmosis.
I am not saying we should go all back to those earlier days. And I’m certainly not saying that we should jettison our cell phones and guillotine Google. I’d be the first to say that a recipe website is a true and valued friend.
But trading Grandma for Google? Trading her input and insight for an anonymous recipe spit out by a search engine?
Not so much.
Surely we can find a middle ground. Surely a young bride can say, “Hmmm. I know I could find half a million recipes for apple pie on Pinterest but wouldn’t it be fun to call Grandma and get her recipe? To hear her well-worn, homespun voice reading out the ingredients and measurements? To remind her, by doing so, that all the things she knows are of immense value?”
Google, with all of its search-engine wonderfulness, will never be able to hold a candle to a grandma armed with a worn out, wooden recipe box.
Recently I was telling Sarah that I felt bad I had never taught her to sew on a button and that I needed to do that before she left home for good.
She replied with a smile, “Oh, Mom that would be a nice mother daughter bonding experience and I would enjoy it. But if I’m away from home and need to know something like that, I’ll just Google it.”
And she will. And that’s good. It’s a true privilege to have such an astonishing availability of knowledge.
But knowledge isn’t wisdom. And information isn’t the end of the road of learning.
Grandma offers so much more than Google. She offers wisdom and advice that has been both time-tested and trouble-tested. And although her recipes have never been lauded by the cooks in the Betty Crocker kitchen, they have been taste-tested at countless church suppers and family reunions. And the Good Housekeeping Seal could never mean as much to her as the seal of approval she always got when she carried an empty dish back home, knowing that every female relative within a country mile was clamoring for the special ingredient in her chicken casserole.
As she walked home with that scraped-clean container, she felt the quiet satisfaction of being the matriarch, the one whose voice mattered, the one who was sought out and listened to. And when she got ready to give out the secret ingredient, you can be sure a dozen local cooks sat up and took notice.
Back in the day, when a young mother had a baby with colic and needed advice, she chose Grandma over Dr. Spock. Grandma knew about poultices and Vick’s VapoRub and all manner of home remedies for colds and rashes and teething trouble; she held the wealth of the wisdom of the generations in her head. And more importantly, it was Grandma who carried the magic of love in her hands which enabled her to apply those remedies in a way no one else could.
And nothing ever smelled quite like grandma’s house. The evocative melding of Aqua Net, Nescafe, biscuits, and linament, made it a place you could be led to blindfolded and name in an instant.
The days when Grandma was our center instead of Google were good days. Old days. Precious days.
But we can still call those days back to us if every once in a while, we decide to bypass Google and just pick up the phone instead.
We can punch in the number and we can listen to the rings and we can picture Grandma’s not-so-speedy steps across the room. She will answer the phone in a voice both fragile and familiar, a voice with a few strands of heaven already being woven throughout.
When that cherished voice reaches our ear all we have to say is, “Grandma, I can’t figure out why my biscuits aren’t rising.”
And we will hear joy in her words as she is reminded that she is still needed, still loved, and still sought out for the wisdom (and recipes) she has collected through the gone by years.
Google is great. Google is good.
But may the day never come when we trade Grandma for Google.
I don’t have Mom or Nana here anymore, but I do have their recipes, in fact, I have Nana’s handwritten recipe book. Most of my Mom’s recipes I wrote out when I still lived at home or I know them by heart. It brings memories of them to mind whenever I make one of their recipes.
Nana was especially know for baking a ton of Christmas cookies, and most of them were of the fancy variety. Nana spent so much time making little wreath cookies that were frosted with green frosting to which she then added a little red cinnamon heart and 2 silver ball like decorations. The cookie itself was very tasty with a hint of orange rind and was rolled into a rope and cut in pieces and formed into a wreath. I haven’t made them in years as it is so time consuming and by the time I finished making Almond Crescents, Berlin Wreaths, Almond Finskas, Pecan Butterballs, Rum Balls, Hermits and Nutty Fingers, I didn’t even want to look at a cookie, much less eat them!
Kari,
You can send me a box of cookies any ol’ time when I look at THAT lineup. I consider myself quite the fabulous baker if I can churn out one batch of oatmeal cookies.
Sounds like your Mom and Nana passed down wonderful gifts; handwritten recipes AND a love for cooking.
My grandma, or nana as I called her, are of Sunday afternoon teas in the front room. Delicate sandwiches and Victoria sponge cake.
Also of her pantry cupboard that always smelt of fresh bread and baking ….. delicious
Lynn,
Sounds like your nana was a wonderful cook. Isn’t it amazing how smells can follow us for decades and bring back so many lovely memories?
I was very blessed to have both of my grandparents live in our yard. I remember running to Grandma Peck’s house daily and she cooked with a woodstove, so she would have her kettle that had a steam spout on top of it that would gently diddle as the food cooked. Also, she would “toast” her used coffee grounds and as she read her Bible at night in her BIG Green chair with her leg thrown over the arm of it. She would dip her finger into the coffee grounds and munch on them. So many good memories. Mom too was a fabulous cook and we are so thankful to have her recipes in her handwriting, but some of the recipes she just made and we try to replicate them, yeah, that doesn’t work too well most of the time. I think it was the love she put into each dish she made that made them so tasty 🙂 Loved your post, it was so wonderful to go back in my memory with a few tears thrown in there too! Wendy
Wendy,
I have never heard of eating toasted used coffee grounds! But it sounds like a frugal way to enjoy that coffee flavor more than once. I can just picture your grandma with her leg thrown over the chair arm eating those grounds; sounds to me like perfectcontentment. Thanks for painting such a lovely word picture of a person you loved.
Loved this article. To me Grandma’s house was all about purple petunias, alyssum, dove soap, playing in her closet with her old clothes and shoes, coconut cake, grape pie, ham steaks, fried okra, tomato slices, fried potatoes, the little tin of bacon fat on the stove, & Grandpa pouring his coffee into the saucer to cool before he drank it. I loved watching her wash her hair in the kitchen sink. It went past her waist and then she would coil it back up and pin it in place. Curls on the ends. The most precious memories though are sitting in the living room at night and reading together out of the good ol’ King James bible, with Grandma helping me to sound out the hard words and then kneeling down in front of the couch ( Grandma called it the divan) and Grandpa leading out in prayer and aunts and uncles joining in. As children, my cousins & I remember sometimes falling asleep with our faces on the couch as Grandpa and other voices prayed on. Precious memories. A wonderful heritage. In our early childhood my grandparents were committed to making sure my brother and I were getting to church and would keep us over the weekend while our parents worked or slept because of shifts. I was very shy and preferred to stay with Grandma and Grandpa in the service, sitting on their laps, mostly Grandmas because it was softer. She allowed me to play with her change purse which was clear and she always had hanky in it. At the end of the service they would go up to the altar, kneel down in front of the first row of chairs, facing them and pray. One of those mornings when I was 8, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. The torch was passed. I’m feeling very nostalgic tonight because I found out my uncle passed away today. He was a pastor for over 50 years, retired twice and went back and built another church. His years in ministry took him from California to Arizona and Texas. He passed on the torch to many others and is tonight rejoicing with all of those who’ve gone on before. I’m grateful that the heritage that was passed down to me has continued and is continuing to be passed down to my children and grandchildren and I hope to give those grandchildren precious memories of their grandparents.
Karen,
How I LOVED reading your memories!
What a rich, rich heritage you have of family, food, love, prayer, Bible reading . . . and grape pie? (That’s a new one to me.) I loved that you listed all the things you enjoyed about your grandparents house. I had to smile when I read about your grandpa pouring his coffee into his saucer to cool it. Isn’t it funny those little things that stick in your memory?
The falling asleep listening to your family praying was an especially dear memory. When I think of kids who go to sleep listening to their parents fighting, this one truly touched my heart.
And God bless the family of your uncle who passed away yesterday; he sounds like he was an amazing man. I especially loved that he “retired twice.” In other words, he just couldn’t back away from what his heart compelled him to do. I can only imagine how many countless lives he impacted over 50 years.
And the best part of your comment is you are taking the heritage you received and are turning it around and passing it to the generations to come. Nothing better.
Wonderful. I have one of my Mama’s cookbooks with some handwritten recipes. My niece had one which was everyone’s favorite made in a dish towel and I had it frame. It hangs in my kitchen. Since I cannot figure how to put a picture here I will text it to you. It is for her microwave chocolate pie. Never really got any from either grandma.
Ann,
Thanks for sending that recipe. I know that is a treasured item to see it written out in beloved, familiar handwriting. And what a cool idea to frame your favorite. Love that!
All of this. Once in a while you pop in one of these posts. I start out normal and am crying by the end. How do you do that? Amazing writing Becky. Such talent. Thank you for sharing.
Start out normal. Crying by the end.
That lets me know that my writing did what I hoped it would do. Thank you, Lesley.
I’ve been a reader here (and back at the old site) for about ten years now. I think this is probably the best piece you have written. Love, love, love.
Jessica,
What a gracious thing to say; thank you so much for your affirmation! (And also, thank you for reading here for so long.)
I spent a whole lot of time on this piece, just because it is a topic that is special to me and I wanted to polish it the best I could. Your words have truly encouraged me.
I enjoyed purusing your blog; there are a lot of things with a lot of depth there. We celebrated Reformation Sunday yesterday; it was great to hear that song written specifically for it. And I LOVED seeing a video of Keith Green pop up. Steve and I drove to Atlanta to see him on one of our first dates.
How beautiful and very true…… LOVE the blog post!!! Thankfully, I have all my mom’s old recipes written in her handwriting, and cookbooks too. Some are VERY old! I even have some written out by my older sis (she’s 16 years older than me) and one written by my dad. Dad had beautiful handwriting. So, I feel very blessed……. Oh, and my Great Aunt Leonelle sent my mom a letter (eons ago) and added her recipe for Date/Nut bread at the bottom. I still have that written in her own handwriting. What a lovely treasure….. Over the years I have met my cousin, the granddaughter of Aunt Leonelle and we write snail mail notes/letters all the time. I cherish her friendship. Aunt Leonelle made 6 loaves of her Date/Nut bread at a time, just so she could give them away. I loved her so much and we went to her home for Sunday dinners and desserts every now and then, as she didn’t live close. What a great cook she was! I have so many wonderful memories of my childhood. 🙂
Bea,
It sounds like you grew up surrounded by lots of love and lots of lovely food! How special to have recipes actually handwritten, especially one written by your dad. Those are a little more on the rare side when it comes to recipes.
You are blessed indeed by all the people in your life who love you and love cooking.
My maternal grandmother died about 4 months before I turned 5 so I don’t have a lot of memories of her. She was an excellent cook though and when people have told me I remind them of her, it is indeed a compliment. My paternal grandmother was a good cook with some things – rolls, pies – but not great at others.
When my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary, over 18 years ago, I took many of my mom’s recipes as well as other family members and made a cookbook to hand out to everyone at the reception. Each grandchild got a copy, even the granddaughter that was born 4 months after the reception. I believe I might have even sent you the word file at one point. Since my nieces are both 18 and my mom is 86 and doesn’t cook a lot now, they may not be able to call Grandma to get one of her recipes. The cookbook will have to serve that purpose.
I must admit that I use Google a lot when I’m looking for a new recipe. I’ve gotten some pretty good ones on Facebook also.
Phyllis,
Yes, you DID send me a copy of your cookbook; I was so honored to get it and have enjoyed it. It is such a great idea to put together something like that–completely personal and unique to your own family.
When Grandma is gone, that cookbook will be an extra, EXTRA special treasure.
Becky, this may be the best article you have ever written! The depth of your insights… oh my goodness! Lucy loves to cook. I have told her through the years that it is a crime that our family are the only ones who get to enjoy her magic. (I mean, unless you and Pastor Steve happen to drop by!) ;-). But, back to my comments, part of the rich enjoyment for Lucy and me, is pulling out the old “Cigar Box” (I’m serious) of recipes from Lucy’s mom, and seeing her mom’s HANDWRITING… a pleasure that technology has taken from us. Lucy still uses an old pyrex mixing bowl that has a piece of adhesive tape on the bottom, where Lucy’s mom wrote her name in longhand – no doubt from a church function at Elizabeth City First United Methodist Church – where we were married! (Oh, that Circle of Life!) For two recent Christmases, Lucy made up a book of our kids’ favorite recipes, in her handwriting, for our two sons and daughters-in-law. On the right side of the book is the recipe on an index card (remember those???), and on the left side is a photo of the dish, taken by yours truly. When our kids want some of mom’s home cooking, they just open the book! (I forgot to mention that she used a photo album (with plastic sleeves) for the recipe book – in case any of your readers want to try this idea. It enables the recipe and corresponding photo to lay flat.) The payoff is when our kids send US a photo of a “Mom’s Recipe” dish, now being made elsewhere… in NYC or VAB. 😉 Thank you again for your brilliant article. I am left with a feeling of pride about our family, and :’-) happy tears, remembering the smell of Lucy’s mom’s kitchen at Thanksgiving.
Fred,
You truly have the gift of enthusiastic encouragement; a much needed gift in this world of ours. Thank you for sending encouragements my way; very heart warming.
You’re blessed to be married to such a good cook and especially blessed to be so cool that you store your recipes in a cigar box. I mean, who else can say that? 🙂
The most important thing is seeing the handwriting of people much loved and long gone. That seems to make the food taste all the better, having those memories around to accompany the cooking.
And I LOVE the idea of the book of favorite recipes that you and Lucy made up for the kids and the way you organized it. SUCH a treasure!
I treasure the recipe cards in my kitchen that are in my late mother’s handwriting, another valuable “ingredient” not available on Google.
Kristy,
That’s a good point–the recipe cards in beloved, familiar writing that can never be matched or replicated by Google. The truest kind sof treasures.
My grandmothers are both gone now, but when they were alive, I called regularly and asked for recipes or baby advice or help with sewing something. They were the BEST! I still have several of grandma Russell’s recipes in her beautiful handwriting that I use to this day. I need to practice on the yeast rolls recipe though….mine never turn out like hers did. Maybe they never will 🙂
LeeAnne,
I think I have come to the conclusion that we will never exactly replicate our grandma’s dishes, including those elusive yeast rolls. 🙂 Grandmas just put a little somethin’ extra in everything they cooked and we’ll never know what it is.
I know they were blessed by your regular calls and the way you made them a part of your life. Precious memories!
Sadly, I do not have grandmother recipes. But I do have their recipe boxes as well as my Mom’s! It was interesting to figure out ingredient amounts for Grandma’s banana bread as it only listed the number of bananas! Her son (my Dad) transcribed the soft molasses cookie recipe, thank God! My favorite cookie!
Guerrina,
Yeah, that’s the only problem with those old, handwritten recipes; some of the ingredients were sort of estimated and guessed at. You are fortunate your dad was able to do the translation on the soft molasses cookie recipe. That would have been a sad loss to not have preserved that one!
Bravos kudos and “hear, hears!” This must be published.
Indeed! 🙂
Steve,
Thank you for being my biggest cheerleader! (Well, you and Fred, that is.) 🙂