I know it’s not unusual for Steve and me to be in Charlotte.
But what is a little unusual is that these people were here, too.
And these people, as well.
All here to visit this lady.
The reason for this unexpected gathering is that at about midnight on Thursday, Steve got a call from rehab saying that Vernie’s oxygen had dropped to 60, she was throwing up, and they were taking her by ambulance to ICU. They would have intubated her but she has a DNR order.
Vernie doesn’t recall a whole lot of the night but she does remember a medical team of six people around her bed. It turns out that in addition to pneumonia and pulmonary fibrosis, she is also in congestive heart failure.
First thing Friday morning, Steve called the kids to let them know. When he told Nathan and Meagan, they quickly made the decision to come. That decision resulted in a frantic morning of arranging flights, getting childcare taken care of, packing, and rushing to the airport. They were so determined to get here that when they were in the airport security line and heard their names over the speakers for the last call, they asked the half dozen people ahead of them if they could jump the line. They made it to their seats, just in time.
Thankfully, Sarah and Gage had a little less drama for their prep and they got into Charlotte late Friday evening.
And so when Saturday morning dawned, I awoke in Ken and Vernie’s bed with a son and his wife in the room across the hall, and a daughter and her husband in the room down the hall.
The room Nathan and Meagan were sleeping in was the room Steve and I have slept in for forty years on our visits. It’s also the room where Nathan and Sarah slept as newborns. Talk about the generations coming full circle.
The six of us have had such a sweet, sweet time together over these past forty-eight hours. But in the middle of the sweetness, there was always the underlying sorrow of what’s ahead. As the kids make their way home today, they go with the knowledge that they will never again see their grandma on this side of heaven.
Before each of them left her hospital room yesterday, she spoke a matriarchal blessing over them wrapped in words of affirmation and encouragement. Sarah and Gage went up to see her first and then Nathan and Meagan. When the four of them all returned to the waiting room they shared, through tears, what Vernie had said to them.
Before Steve and I went up to see her, he gathered the six of us in a circle in the waiting area. Steve prayed through tears and we all cried. I mean really cried. We cried so much that, when we were finished, the desk clerk tentatively approached our little circle and proffered a full box of Kleenex.
Steve and I met with Vernie and with the hospice nurse this morning.
Vernie has basically stopped eating and drinking and struggles all the time with her breathing. They are putting in a line through which they can administer morphine and other end-of-life meds. The nurse said she is within days, maybe a week, of passing.
I sat with Steve and the hospice people for 45 minutes watching and listening as they talked. Within just a few minutes, Vernie had found her way into their hearts. She is so appreciative of everything and complimentary of what they do. But she’s not afraid to ask hard questions and she’s not reluctant to question until she gets the answer she needs.
And then in the midst of all that difficult conversation, something will be said and her smile will burst forth like the sun. She told them about a vision of heaven she’d had and one of the nurses actually got tears in her eyes.
As Vernie’s body starts its journey toward death, her smile and spirit still sparkle.
(Next three photos by Meagan.)
So much joy. So many tears watching a saint get ready to go home.
Thirty-two years ago, Nathan said a red-faced, squalling hello to his grandma.
Yesterday, he said goodbye.
I’m so sorry. I’m so glad you were all able to be with Vernie. For all that she is going through Vernie still looks so beautiful and cheery with her wonderful smile. Prayers for Vernie and all of you.
Becky,
As always, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours as you go through these sad days. I am so glad that you and Steve are able to be with Vernie and that her dear grandchildren were able to be there to share her last special wise words to each of them.
Hugs to you all,
Linda in Pittsburgh
Linda,
Yes, being with family is all the more precious when gathered around a dying loved one. So blessed.
This is such a beautiful post and your Vernie sounds like a beautiful soul. I hope she is continuing to have peace. What a special thing that you all got to be together.
Meredith,
A beautiful soul, indeed. It was honor to be at her side as she passed.
Praying for you and your family. Even though it’s been a little over a year since my Mom passed peacefully with Hospice, the sting is still there. What a blessing to get another chance to say your goodbyes. So thankful a Hospice room was available with my Mom. The Morphine and ativan slowly move loved ones closer to Heaven in peace. 💗
Marylea,
Hospice is wonderful, isn’t it? She was going to move to a hospice house but then at the last minute decided she just wanted to stay in her hospital room. Hospice nurses and chaplains have been checking in frequently.
Glad your mom passed peacefully; that is a comfort in the middle of missing her. Hugs.
My brother in law is a hospice chaplain in Massachusetts, he mainly goes to the patient’s home and I asked him once how could he do that day after day, wasn’t there such sadness involved and he said yes there is but there is also peace knowing that the person and family for the most part are spending the patient’s last days together as they prepare for heaven. I am thinking of your family every day Becky.
Ever since I read the words, quoted below, by William Cullen Bryant, I’ve prayed and hoped that I can leave this Earthly world as he describes. Vernie is truly doing so now:
“So live, that when thy summons comes to join
The innumerable caravan, which moves
To that mysterious realm, where each shall take
His chamber in the silent halls of death,
Thou go not, like the quarry-slave at night,
Scourged to his dungeon, but, sustained and soothed
By an unfaltering trust, approach thy grave,
Like one who wraps the drapery of his couch
About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.”
Jan,
What a marvelous piece of writing and so much meaning behind those words. Vernie is in the middle of the last three lines right now. Yesterday she said, “I am at peace.”
My heart is breaking for you and your family Becky. I have come back to read this post at least 3 times and couldn’t get myself to leave a message until now. The picture of Nathan and Vernie’s hands has brought to the forefront of my mind a similar picture I have of my mom and my granddaughter’s hands as she came to say goodbye to her great grandma. Such a powerful picture. I will keep all of you in my prayers.
Ann,
I know–I loved that photo of Nathan and Vernie holding hands. The two generations, sharing their sweet love. How special that you have a photo like that of our own. A truest kind of treasure. Thank you for your compassionate words.
Oh Becky. This sucks. I know it is supposed to happen- parents dying before children, and I know Heaven is waiting, but it still sucks. Grief isn’t easy- but you know how that. There’s nothing I can do but let you know that you all are in my prayers. I’ll be praying for peace for your dear Vernie as she makes this journey, and peace to be with the Smiths and the Longs as you walk with her.
Brooke,
Thank you so much for your words of understanding and your prayer.
It will be goodbye for us but hello for her. I keep on trying to remind myself of that.
Thinking of you guys… it’s an incredibly tough season to endure. I’m so glad that you got the chance to be together for a few hours in her final days.
Kristina,
Together in her final days. Such sweet words for a sweet gathering.
Praying for Gods peace to be with you all. Glad everyone could make it for a goodbye. And so thankful to God that our goodbyes are not forever! Hugs to all.
Carol,
Thank you, sweet sis-in-law, for the reminder that our goodbyes are temporary. Love you all.
Praying for all of your family during this time.
Nicole–thank you!
Prayers for all of you. Her smile is beautiful.
Lesley,
Isn’t it though? I’ve never really noticed the radiance of her smile until her body started failing. And now it shines so beautifully.
Praying for comfort and peace for Mrs. Smith. And for you all as well.
It’s an odd time for you all. I remember this time during my Mom home-going. It can be a blessing to all be together and have that one last time with her. I know you are cherishing these last few memories being made.<3
Krista,
Yes, it is an odd time of many emotions. Laughter with our kids one minute and tears around her bed an hour later. But the being together to say goodbye is the most wonderful thing.
Feeling a little bit heartbroken for you all. It has been a joy to read about Vernie through the years and everything she meant to you. Prayers of comfort for you all.
Monique,
She truly has meant so much to our family. Thank you for feeling our sadness along with us.
What a heartrending and blessed day for Vernie and her family.
Mrs. Pam,
Two perfect words. Heartrending and blessed.
This beautiful post has me writing this through tears. I so glad Nate, Meagan, Sarah & Gage were able to spend time the weekend saying their goodbyes to Vernie. I can’t imagine how special it was to them them to have her speak a matriarchal blessing over them. And how special for the six of you to be staying in Vernie’s house, with the generations continuing the love nurtured there. She still looks beautiful and I still see joy radiating from her. All of you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sue Ellen,
Yes, the six of us staying here together was precious beyond words. And as much as we dearly love our grandkids, it was especially nice just having the six adults in the house. That happens so rarely when the six of us can just hang out.
So in the middle of great grief–great joy.
Keeping you all in my heart and prayers.
Nancy–thank you so much!
So glad you were all able to say your last hellos. In the last 2 years I have done with 2 bro-in-laws and a dear friend from our former church. Then in Feb. to my oldest sister. It is so hard to let them go, but where they are going know that we wouldn’t want them to come back. Lord Bless each one of you in the days ahead. We continue to pray for you and Steve.
Sharyn,
You have certainly had a good number of people close to you pass away. You must have felt like you had hardly recovered from the previous one before the next one came. That circle of birth and life and death–it brings so many emotions to us all.
As so many have said, tears came quickly as I read this. Such a blessing that you and your family had a chance to say goodbye in such a loving way. My heart breaks for you all.
Liz,
Even though it took a lot to get the whole family pulled together quickly, it was well worth it to have those moments of goodbye. Thank you for your compasson.
Becky,
Keeping you, Pastor Steve, Vernie, Nathan, Meagan, Sarah & Gage close to my heart and in my prayers.
Gloria,
I know you have just been through this so your heart is extra tender. Thank you for your words.
A very good blog post at a very hard time.
God be with you all til we meet again. Ruth
Ruth,
Love that song. Such a beautiful blessing for those on earth or those leaving for heaven.
I could hardly see to read through the tears. It’s so hard to lose your mother/ mother in law/ grandma. Know that you are all in my prayers through these last days.
Wendy,
Yes, those family matriarchs become so beautifully embedded in everyone’s hearts. Thank you for the prayers.
Prayers for you all. You have been blessed by her presence.
Patti,
Blessed, indeed. Thank you.
Becky please give my sweet friend Vernie a hug and kiss for me! She is one of the dearest people I have ever known. Love and prayers for all of you.
Debbie,
Yes, I agree wholeheartedly. Dear describes her perfectly. I will pass on your words.
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m praying for you and your family.
Thank you so much, Jessica.
Many prayers for you all during this time of sadness. Heaven is such a sweet, sweet place and I am jealous of those there. One day…
Kaye,
Sweetness and sadness. Those are such perfect words to describe this journey.
I am so sorry to hear that Vernie will not recover from her illnesses. How wonderful that all of the kids were able to come for the weekend and that there were so many sweet moments that will become sweet memories in time. Praying for a painless, peaceful passing for Vernie and for peace for all of you during such a difficult season.
Gayle,
You’re right. Sweet memories just get sweeter with time.
This brings me to tears and I’m so glad that Nathan, Meagan, Sarah and Gage as well as you and Steve all got to say ‘see you later’. I smile though knowing that Vernie’s faith is strong and that she will be in heaven with her beloved Ken soon and that you all will be seeing her again some day. Wishing you all peace, strength and comfort in the days ahead. Hugs.
LeeAnne,
Peace, strength, and comfort. Three things we will definitely need to make it through the days to come. Thank you so much for your sweet words.
What a beautiful smile…one that comes from the depths of a joyful heart. Prayers for all of you during these days…it’s joy and sadness, but what a gift of a reunion one day! As Christians, we are blessed with the promise of future. I pray that her last days are pain free and joy full!
Lisa,
I’d never really noticed how beautiful her smile was till the end of her life. And yes, she is peaceful and pain-free. Such a blessing.
I am so sorry to read this news. I feel like I know Vernie after reading so much about her. She is a very special lady! Give my love to all the family during this difficult time.
Cindy,
Thank you for those words. It’s so nice to know that Vernie has so many Smithellaneous friends thinking about her this week.
My prayers and thoughts are with you and all your family.
Angie–thank you so much! Prayers always appreciated.
Please feel the heartfelt hug I’m sending you and your family.
Jenna,
Feeling them for sure.
Oh, Becky … my friends and I were talking about Vernie this weekend and wondered how she was doing … only to get a prayer request from church that she was taken to the ICU. This just breaks my heart. Vernie is one of the sweetest ladies — always offering a kind word. She also is one of the most beautiful ladies as well. I have enjoyed my visits with her and would love to give her a big hug – please do so on my behalf. Praying for all of you as she transitions to her eternal home.
Karen,
Thank you for your words. I read them to Vernie the same day you wrote them; they brought a big, beautiful smile.
So sorry to read this. But what a wonderful tribute to your sweet mother in law. Hugs and prayers for you and Steve and family. A blessing everyone could get there to say goodbye. 💔
Buff,
I saw your FB post about the fires. What a stressful thing to go through!
Hugs and prayers received gratefully.
My heart is breaking for you as the anticipation of not having her here in person will be so hard. The rewards of Heaven will be so joyous for her. Hugs from Iowa!
Marjie,
Breaking hearts. Joyous hearts. We are definitely experiencing both things. Thanks for the Iowa hugs.
Oh Becky, I have tears streaming down my face right now but I am so glad you ALL got to say good bye, how special that her beloved grandchildren were there, this Wednesday is the 13th anniversary of my Mom passing away and I did not get to say good bye so I know how important it is….I will keep all of you, plus your Mom, in my prayers and send a hug Vernie’s way and a hug to Steve as well.
Dale,
I’m so sorry you didn’t get to say your goodbyes thirteen years ago. Death can catch us all unawares.
Yes, we are very grateful the grandchildren were able to make it. It was a big push but they will carry those memories all their lives.
What a grand lady! Despite her physical decline, her smile lights up her face. Love and blessings to you as you walk this path.
Greta,
Thank you so much, friend.
Yes, “grand” is a perfect way to describe her.
We were sad to receive Steve’s message this morning but glad that her suffering will soon end and she will be reunited with Uncle Ken, Uncle Wayne, Gwen and Lloyd, and all the other family that will welcome her. She has always had a special place in our hearts and I will miss her sweet loving Facebook comments. Thoughts, prayers and hugs to you all. Love, Ken and Ginny
Ken and Ginny,
Thanks so much for your words and your prayers. I know she and Ken were an extra special Aunt and Uncle. Sitting here with her now.
I am so sorry to hear this. I’m keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers! Love you all!
Karen,
Thank you. She loved you and Bill and your family.
🙏🙏💔
Cindy–we feel the love and the prayer!
So sorry to hear about Vernie’s decline. And so thankful that the six of you were able to spend some time with her as you say – this side of heaven.
If you could, please keep my cousin’s family in your prayers. Her 30-year-old granddaughter passed away a week ago today after an 18-month battle with leukemia. One of her sisters was a perfect match for a BMT; however, the chemo caused elevation in bilirubin so they were unable to proceed with it. They were going to do a Car-T infusion, immunotherapy, but sadly she passed away before this could be done. We said goodbye to her yesterday.
I will keep your family in my prayers.
Phyllis,
What a heartbreak for your cousin’s family to have the cure so close by at hand and then have enough time to see it through. Thirty is so young. What a heartbreak for her family. Prayers for them and for you.
Oh my. My day just came to a standstill as I read this post. I sit here, unable to go on with my next task. I’ve followed the Smiths for so many years, well over a decade. I think of the strong mamas and papas behind you and Steve, Becky. What strength and beauty, true beauty, the earthly mamas still show. So glad you were all able to be together. Prayers, peace and love to you all.
Ann,
Strong mamas and papas behind us. What a beautiful way to put that. It is so true.
Thank you for caring about Vernie and us enough to stop and take a pause before going on with your day. That means so much.
Prayers to your family. This brings memories of my grandma passing 4 years ago.
Shannon,
Grandmas are so special, aren’t they? Hugs.
The tears are falling…what a beautiful tribute and a life well-lived for sweet Mrs. Smith. How wonderful that Nathan, Meagan, Sarah, and Gage were all able to join you to say “see you later”. Prayers for all of you in these next days and weeks.
Suzanne,
I like “see you later” a lot better than “goodbye.” What a great hope we have of seeing her again.
I am crying as I read this…it brings back memories of both of my grandma’s when they passed away- one 6 years ago and one 7 years ago… I miss them every day, but know that I will see them both again! Prayers for you all as you navigate this difficult journey… of being happy that they are going to see Jesus but sad that they will no longer be here with you!
Tiffany,
Losing two grandmas in a year would be a very tough thing; it looks like that will be happening in our family, as well.
But oh the joy of having had those grandmas. Blessings untold!
I’ll be keeping his whole family in my prayers. Glad everyone was able to make it on such short notice!
Sarah,
Yes, so very grateful schedules and timetables worked out for all four kids to get the news at 7 a.m. and be here by afternoon/evening. Precious moments.