As most of you know, Steve is usually is up to his elbows in interesting projects and last week was no different.
Here are a few project photos.
Ever feel like you have the weight of the world on your shoulders?
I am actually not going to tell you right now what he is going to do with the world; I will let you know when the project is done. However, feel free to take your best guess!
One special memory we have of Dr. McManus was back in 2002 when Sarah had just been diagnosed with cancer. The only vehicle we owned was a medium-duty Kenworth semi that pulled the RV that we lived in on the road. (For new readers, we traveled full-time for 15 years doing concerts and services in churches around the southeast.)
Since Sarah’s diagnosis immediately ended our traveling days, we were in need of a “regular” vehicle; however, we couldn’t afford to buy one until we had sold the semi and the RV which we knew could take many months.
In the meantime, there was no way we could take a semi into a hospital parking garage so our dear friends, the Stephensons (featured in last week’s post) graciously loaned us their vehicle for a while. So blessed with good friends!
So how does that tie in with a well-known leadership guru? Well, at the time, Dr. McManus was a pastor of 3,000 people in
Winston-Salem, NC, where Sarah’s hospital was located. He heard about our situation and within a short time, raised enough money to buy a minivan for our family. We will never forget his kindness to our family when we were going through such a difficult time.
Last Sunday was not a good day for me, breathing-wise. I noticed I was really struggling beyond what was normal but I used my rescue inhaler and did my best. (Thankfully, yesterday went quite a bit better.)
That Sunday evening, we had a night of worship and music. The person who usually leads that had gone out of town so I did all the singing which I normally love to do; however, I was continuing to struggle with breathing, despite more hits on the rescue inhaler. The more I sang, the more overwhelmed and discouraged I got. Singing has always been such a joy to me and it hurt my heart for it to start turning into a struggle.
After the service was over, I was at the back of the sanctuary chatting with a few people when one of the women said, “Becky, you don’t look like you feel well.”
I started to give her the “party line” of, “Well, I feel okay, just a little tired,” but somehow, halfway through the sentence, the discouragement and struggle interrupted my words and I broke down in tears.
Pastor’s wives, as a rule, try to always be available for the people in their congregation, to be ready to listen to their struggles, to be there in times of discouragement and crisis. As a result, we sometimes tend to stuff down our own feelings.
But sometimes those feelings bubble, uninvited, to the surface and Sunday night was one of those nights. As I stood in the middle of the aisle sobbing, I was immediately surrounded by half a dozen people who put their arms around me and prayed for me, some of them crying right along with me.
For the next ten minutes, I wasn’t the strong, cheery, positive pastor’s wife; I was the needy one, the one on the receiving end of the compassion of others. It was such a great gift.
And even though those moments together didn’t heal my lungs, they helped to heal my heart. The weight of the world on my shoulders, the weight of the diagnosis I’ve been given, no longer felt as heavy or as crushing.
I don’t know what weight-of-the-world challenge you might be carrying today but I hope you don’t ever feel you are alone with it. If it would help you to share your struggle in the comments, the Smithellaneous family will gather around you and the Smith family will pray for you. As members of this wonderful online community, we want to let you know that you are heard. We want to put our shoulders next to yours and help you carry the weight of your world.
Oh goodness, Becky. I sure am sorry that you are having to deal with so much. I will continue to pray that the team you have at Duke will find answers and get you to breathing a little easier!
Right now, I’m missing my family. My Mom died last year and my Dad and sister just moved to New Ulm, Mn. It’s about a 5 hour trip for us. But, I honestly think my son and I are better staying here. It’s hard for me (and him) to handle change and that was just too much, so we stayed here. This will be my first Thanksgiving alone- without family, I mean. My son and I will start our own tradition.
Will you be hosting DARE fellas again? I always look forward to those posts!
Be blessed!!
Krista,
I love what you said about you and your son starting your own tradition. At a time when you could be moping around and feeling sad (although I know some sadness does come with the kinds of changes you’ve experienced), you are still looking to make new memories for your son–both for now and for the future. Wishing you happiest moments!
Yes, we are hosting Dare Challenge again and you’ll be able to read all about it here.
OK your post made me cry. Life is so hard sometimes and when you are the one used to holding up others, it is really challenging to let that go for a little bit and accept support. I guess I totally relate to this. My stage is not so grand as yours, mine is just within my little family. Right now I am having some hopefully temporary health issues and my first thought goes to the wellbeing of my daughter if something happpens to me. I have detailed lists of her doctors, insurances, schedule, medications, state services. It’s really endless. At the end of the day I know that if I am not around, she will not last long. And the loss of both of us would be a lot for my other 2 children to bear. I am worried they would feel that they failed their sister. So when I am sick, I feel so much responsiblity to my children to get better, which only adds anxiety to the whole mess.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability with us and I am so glad you had everyone around to lift you up. It really does make a difference.
I am pondering the world prop. Is it is a Thanksgiving game for your company this year? LOL. Hmmm, well, he certainly can’t fit it in his car, so I am reluctant to assume it is traveling anywhere. And if it is, we need a picture. Haha. A stationary world. How ironic 🙂 It also looks like it shouldn’t get wet, so it must be kept in the garage until it is needed. I love a good mystery!! I think we need a little clue!
Lesley
Well, in one way, I’m glad my post made you cry because crying can so often be therapeutic when life is hard. But on the other hand, I’m sad that you have overwhelming things to deal with that lead you to tears.
I didn’t realize you were having physical issues of your own; I’m so sorry! I know that so much of the focus of your days is on Sarah and her care and you must feel torn between caring for her and making sure you get the help you need for yourself. I can only imagine the worry and the details and the what-ifs that run around in
your head on a daily (hourly) basis.
The words from the Twenty-Third Psalm, “He makes me lie down in green pastures; he leads me beside still waters,” are my hope and my prayer for you; a prayer that you will feel peace in the middle of it all.
Feel free to email if you need a listening ear.
Hi Becky,
You are so strong and brave.
And sharing your emotions is a gift with the people around you. To see you be real about something so challenging will free them too to feel safe enough to share, in a world where there is such an unhealthy fear of being genuine.
I’m so sorry about how hard this situation is. How I wish I could take this challenge from you. God is with you always.
About Steve’s world—my guess is that he is such a loving husband that he wants to give you the world. Or that he thinks the world of you.
Jenna,
I loved your guesses about Steve’s world; they made me smile!
Your words, “To see you be real about something so challenging will free them too to feel safe enough to share, in a world where there is such an unhealthy fear of being genuine” really packed a wallop. So much hard-won truth and wisdom in that statement. If anyone knows about that, you do. I always appreciate your vulnerable and transparent posts on Facebook; thank you for sharing your story with those of us who are following along on your brave and spunky journey.
Becky,
Although I’ve followed you faithfully since Sarah I stumbled across your first sight when Sarah was just diagnosed, it has been a while since I have commented. I’m sure it took much courage to let your true feelings show, it is much easier to just say “I’m fine”. As always, you (and your family) are in my daily prayers. As I imagine you are fully aware, what you need is to FROG (fully rely on God) and let Him guide you past the tough times (with much support from family, extended Smithellaneous family and friends.)
Many hugs to you and all of yours,
Linda in Pittsburgh
Linda,
Good to see your name pop up again! Thanks for taking the time to leave a comment and also, for following along so faithfully all of these MANY years!
FROG is definitely a great concept; thanks for the reminder!
My guess on Steve and “the world” is it will make it’s way into a church program. I bet the members of your church felt honored for your to open up to them and allow them to pray with you. And wow, just wow, at the mileage you’ve traveled to Greenville and back. I look forward to the many new pictures to come as you now extend your travels to Durham. Continued prayers for you and your family.
Sue Ellen,
Yeah, I’ve definitely put a few miles on vehicles over the years! Fortunately, the Duke trips won’t be as frequent, so my car can take a little bit of a rest.
I was so touched by the compassion and care of the people in the church; it meant a lot!
So glad to hear that the doctors seem to be working together to try and find out what is going on with your body and to, hopefully, give you the best treatment to bring healing to your body. When I saw Steve with that “world” on his shoulder, it reminded me of what the Lord wants to do when we walk around with what seems to be “the weight of the whole world” on our shoulders. He wants to take that weight and lighten our burden. As someone once said, (something like this) – before you go to bed, give your worries to God, He’s up all night anyway. So glad those women were there for you – to be a part of a pastor’s wife, who many times will seem to have it all together, but does break down and able to share with others who will pray for them – this is from a PK.
Sharyn,
What a beautiful word picture about us carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders when God is wanting to take that load from us.
As a PK, I know you understand the complexities of being a part of a minister’s family. Nothing quite like it!
Dear Becky, your blogs are always fascinating, informative, encouraging and funny. (That can be said of the comments, well.) I did not know, for example, that you traveled in a K-W for FIFTEEN years! I am sorry that I never was able to drive you to Greenville and show you the bench on the ECU campus where I asked Lucy to “go steady.” However, I acknowledge that the Duke campus will be far more uplifting! (But if y’all ever want “the tour”…) Thank you for keeping us informed about the status of your diagnosis and symptoms – because we (all of your readers) care. As for the weight of the world, who better to carry it around than Pastor Steve?!
Blessings, Peace and Light to you and your wonderful family, Fred & Lucy
Fred,
How nice to see you pop up in here!
We were actually in the KW for only the last 4 years. We started with a horrible and old International Harvester which would change lanes even without the steering wheel being turned. We sort of worked our way up from there.
I think they need to put a special plaque on that “go steady” bench with your names!
You are in our thoughts as you recover; I know it’s been a tough season. Glad you have such a great live-in nurse!
I’m a behind the blog stocker! I have followed you for many years, I love to read and hear about your amazing family. I have left comments a few times. we shared stories of hospital funnies when you had a shy bladder and at the same time I was having my IV bag dropped in the toilet. I shared with you when I suffered kidney cancer 10 years ago, and I reached out to you when you had breast cancer. I’m very activity in our church teaching and leading, it filled my heart to know that you were surrounded by loving members when you finally let your emotions show! I to struggle with not always showing how I really feel. In July I was diagnosed with stage 3 Lymphoma, when ask how I’m handling chemo I always say Ok, but now i’m going to be like you and let my hurts show. (weel at least i’m going to try) much Love to you and your family!
Peggy,
Yes, I DO remember some of the stories we shared. And I LOVE the “shy bladder” label. That’s a perfect way to describe that horrible post-surgery feeling of not being able to go! (The nurse standing right there didn’t help matters.)
So sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis. You and I can just be an encouragement to each other to let our guards down and let people help carry the load as we struggle with these physical challenges.
Thanks for taking the time to leave your comment; you brightened my day!
Sometimes you just need to be the one being cared for and not the one who is caring for everyone else! I have read so many articles about caregivers and how they need to put themselves first sometimes. I think this applies to preachers’ wives also. You are in my prayers!
Phyllis,
Caregivers and preacher’s wives. Sometimes they are one and the same, aren’t they?
Good advice about self care.
I pray for you quite often Becky and I’m thankful that you have such a supportive and loving church family to hold you up and comfort you.
My guess for the world would be something to do with your annual Christmas program at church. Here’s hoping that this week is better for you!
LeeAnne,
I am touched and honored that you would remember to pray for me; thank you! I am grateful for my family, my church family, and my Smithellaneous family.
You’re sort of close on your “world” guess!
good to open up and let others encourage you along, the body of Christ is there for that. Ruth
Ruth,
Yes, it IS good to open up, even when it doesn’t always feel like the most comfortable, natural thing. Need to do it more!
I have been reading Smithellaneous for years and while there is very much to cause concern for you, it is also a page that brings so much encouragement and just plain fun. It is a good thing you enjoy driving because that is an amazing amount of mileage for doctor appointments. Vacations may have been more exciting, but Duke did help save Sarah’s life. Although you will be driving longer to visit Duke you will be visiting a beautiful location. I remember years ago, many year ago visiting the Duke gardens. What a beautiful site and since you will be driving in a different direction there should be new and exciting things to see. Even things that are different from when Sarah was there. I am so glad you have the support of your church family. Just because you are a pastor’s wife does not mean you have to always be strong. Accept the comfort the Lord attends you to receive. As for the big earth Steve is carrying on his shoulders, I have no idea. One thought was was no need to carry the weight of the world, but that is about it. Have a good week and I prayer it is one where you feel stronger.
Cathie,
Yes, the Duke Gardens are beautiful. We went there twenty years ago but it was winter so not as lovely as they would be in the summer. Maybe on one of my Duke trips, I can take a detour.
Thanks so much for reading here for such a long time!
Prayers for you daily my friend. God is still working and has plans for you. Feel the love of God and His people as we pray for your healing. Waiting to hear about Steve and his project. Must be something with Christmas setting. Shed those tears when you need to. Love and hugs.
Hi Becky! I am a little looong time reader but first time commenter. I wanted to encourage you in the Lord. He knows you and sees you and has gone before you in all of this! You blessed that group of people by letting them bear your burdens with you. That is what the family of God is for and He disigned it just that way. Praying for you! I would love to send you a little gift. If you are comfortable with emailing your address to me I would be thankful! However, I also understand that I am much more of a stranger to you than you are to me so if you are not I understand. Thanks for writing beautiful words and taking beautiful pictures! (Oh! P.S. the sleep study post where you took a pictures of yourself with all your wires and then described your giggle attack while trying to “sleep” continues to make me laugh to the point of years every time I read it! I have had a few giggle attacks at inoportune times as well! So funny!)
Elizabeth,
Hooraaaaaay!! A first-time commenter!
I’m glad you reminded me of that sleep study post. I went back and re-read it a few minutes ago and laughed all the way through it. What a crazy experience THAT was. I sort of forgotten about it so it was great fun to revisit it. I love it when readers remind ME of my posts!
Thank you for your words of encouragement and your reminder that the Lord DOES see and know. I can never be reminded of that too many times. And you’re right; I know it meant a lot to those women to be invited into my pain. I need to not be hesitant to do that.
I have sent you an email. Thanks again for commenting!
Ann,
Thanks for the hugs! Always appreciated.
There will be an official report on Steve’s project the first week of December. 🙂