As of a week ago, I am finally a full-fledged employee at my job. (Since I came into the job through a temp agency, I had to work 500 hours to fulfill the temp contract.)
The job provides health, vision, and dental insurance, as well as a retirement plan, and a lot of other great benefits. Considering I don’t have a college education and don’t have any experience in the corporate world, it was nothing short of a miracle that I even managed to land this job. Steve and I see the job as God’s provision for this time of our lives as well as to help provide in the future.
My goal each day when I go to work is to be sort of a sunshine corner where anyone who comes anywhere near me will get a smile, a greeting, a compliment, or an encouraging word. Without even seeking them out, I’ve had half a dozen people or so briefly share with me the tough things they are going through and I’ve been able to be an encouragement to them. I’m not in church ministry anymore, but I’m still in ministry!
was our last Sunday at our church in Manteo.
And as you know, getting ready for a last day and getting ready for a move of any sort is a huge undertaking. Will someone please remind me to never move again?
In addition to the invaluable help of our family and friends, the dear guys from the Christian rehab, Dare Challenge, showed up en masse and put their innumerable muscles to work.
And then finally the house was empty . . .
and the trip across the state began. I’ll never forget that journey with Steve. So many emotions that accompanied us along the way.
This year since we’ve moved has been memorable on many fronts. We left behind all things familiar and launched into a new season of everything new.
We unpacked a bazillion boxes.
We knocked out walls and put in floors.
Sarah and Gage lived with us for four months.
We took a 40th-anniversary trip out west.
Steve had hip replacement surgery with a longer-than-expected recovery.
Nathan, Meagan, and their family moved here from Florida.
I got a full-time job.
With all the changes and adjustments have come struggles with loneliness, depression, and grief and not always seeing the way ahead of us clearly. But through all of that, Steve and I have forged a deeper relationship and renewed the habit of turning to each other in all of life’s ups and downs. Because–apart from our kids–each other is about all we have right now.
Living in Ken and Vernie’s house for this past year has been both a joy and a grief for Steve, especially. In every corner of every room, there have been memories of his parents. He’d open a drawer, or a dresser, or go down to the basement and forty-five years of memories would hit him full on.
Things have gotten a little better in that regard but we never realized that living in the house of parents who have passed would bring so many different layers of emotions. Even cooking in Vernie’s kitchen seems surreal to me some days. I stand at her sink and look out at her view, the view I have loved every single time I visited the house over the past four decades. And now it’s my sink and my view and I’m still wrapping my head around that.
Despite the ups and downs of the past twelve months, we are grateful to have made it through this first year of being out of full-time ministry which is also our first year of not working together every day. (That has been a huge adjustment all on its own.) Those forty years were rich and filled with good memories beyond counting. We have been blessed.
But this is a new season. It’s a season where we have entered the last third of our life. It’s a season where there are more years behind us than ahead of us. It’s a season of all things new.
I have written pretty faithfully about those years as I’ve lived them: the first twenty years in journals and the second twenty years on a blog. My computer and I have sat in many different places but this particular post has been written while looking out at this peaceful view–my new blogging window opening out onto my new blogging view.
As my view has changed over the years, so have I.
I first came to this house back in 1980 as a painfully shy, socially awkward 17-year-old. And now I’m a confident and contented 61-year-old grandma, looking out the same kitchen window where I once stood as I held each of my babies in my arms.
And the best part of this season?
Every couple of weeks, the door near that familiar kitchen window opens and the next two generations come bursting noisily in. They all know that as soon as they set foot in the kitchen, they will be welcomed just as the generations were before them–welcomed by memories, welcomed by grandma and grandpa, welcomed by the open arms of home.
What about you?
Do you think you are living right now in the house you are going to stay in?
Have you lived in a house where family members before you have lived? Has it been hard?
Has there been a particular incident on your job when you were in need of encouragement or received it? Or you shared it with someone else who needed it?
Becky, your comment about not being in church ministry but still being in ministry reminds me of the sign I see when leaving my church’s parking lot. It reads “You are now entering your mission field,”
Phyllis,
I love that!
Congratulations on being a full-time employee! It’s nice to know that your employer appreciates you!
Fred and Lucy,
Thanks for the congrats. Thankful for the job and thankful for this new season in my life!
Congratulations on your full-time employee status! It’s always nice to have those benefits that come with that.
You have accomplished a lot in a year’s time in the house that used to be Steve’s parents. I know it takes time to get things done. It’s been almost two years since we emptied my parents’ house and I still have things I need to get through. In my mom’s cedar chest was a whole stack of letters my dad had written my mom when he spent a summer in Nebraska before they were married. So those letters are probably 75 years old. There’re also some old coins I need to find somewhere to take, after I get an idea of how much some of them are worth. I also have a metal box to go through that includes paper title information back to the 1800s, I think.
I would like to think I live in my last house but I guess it all depends on how much help I might need when I get older.
I have a couple friends from my last job – one is in Florida and the other is in here in Kansas. While I don’t see my Florida friend all that often, we talk at least once a week and text nearly every day, many times usually. She has been there for me through many issues and I think I have been for her also. The friend in Kansas I see more often, we usually try to have dinner together about once every 4-6 weeks. Both these friends lost their moms to pancreatic cancer – my FL friend last year and my Kansas friend in 2015. I hope I was an encouragement to both of them during the times of their loss.
Phyllis,
It is wonderful to have a couple of close friends like you do–you are there for them and they are there for you. You are definitely blessed in that way!
Yes, cleaning out parent’s items is definitely a long term job. Even though we might get the big pieces dealt with fairly quickly, there are all those smaller things to deal with–papers, letters, pictures. Such a journey into the past!
I don’t know if we’ll ever move again or not. And I’ve never moved into a loved one’s former home. My stepmom still owns my paternal grandparents home, which they built, so it has always been in our family. But while I’d love to take a stroll through it, I would not want to live there. The same goes for the house I grew up in from kindergarten on where my stepmom still lives. It’s amazing to me how much smaller the hill in back is now than when we used to sled down it. Congrats on being a full employee with benefits!! and have a wonderful week.
Sue Ellen,
Yes, that’s so true. Things from our childhood that seemed to huge at the time are tiny when viewed from the vantage point of adult life. I remember visiting the High School gym where I attended school; it looked so very small! Funny how that works.
The home we live in was a Parade of Homes built for us. Our daughter lives about 6 miles from us and when they came to see our new place, the “kids” ran across the street to play in the hole where new townhomes were to be built. And they were built almost 20 years ago. The one who went to play in the hole, just moved into an apartment with her friend. Where does time go? When you got your job I prayed that this would be a new mission field for you. Many times I pray for us that we would be a blessing and an encouragement for that day. I believe you are already doing that and folks will continue to notice the love of the Lord in you. My dad was a minister and we moved about 4 times during the course of his ministry. One of the homes we lived in was very large and the “attic” was a huge room in itself. Mom enjoyed fixing it up and buying furniture. Then she was told they were moving into a trailer house. I remember her standing in front of the picture window and hearing her sobbing. She was not happy with this move but continued to trust the Lord. So I know a little of what you went through in packing up and leaving a place you dearly loved. So much has gone on in the first year and know the Lord will continue to bless and use each of you.
Sharyn,
Yes, wives in ministry do a lot of adjusting in their lives as ministry takes them from place to place. My heart is with your mom standing there and crying as she contemplated a move to a place she wasn’t thrilled about.
Sounds like you’ve lived in your present home a long time since your kids remember playing in the “townhouse holes!” Nice to put down roots and make good memories.
Congrats on being full time employee now. I am sure they appreciate your joyful smile to everyone.
Yes, I think we are living in our last home. Husband says our next move is to a car facility or bringing home health care to us. I
I haven’t lived in another family members home, but I moved into my husbands home full of his and his deceased wifes things. I didn’t change much in that house, but when we moved across country at his retirement, I did put up some of my things. Now the house holds memories for us both.
I can’t think of many incidents at work, I stayed mostly in my classroom and didn’t interact that much. I am not good and seeing peoples needs even though I try. I do try to smile at everyone I pass. I read a quote once, “A smile is the shortest distant between to people”
Patti,
Love that quote about a smile. So true!
Glad that you have started to put some of your own things up and started the process of making shared memories. I’m sure moving into a house where a late spouse used to live would hold many challenges; it’s sounds like you and your husband are doing a great job of working through the complexities and making a wonderful future for yourselves.
Becky,
Hard to believe it has already been a year. Change is both happy and sad, I have been in this house for almost three years. I do love it here, but miss working in Bills yard. I never got around to planting this year due to a late winter and work happening on the house and garage. I do miss being just across the street from my former neighbor, but she and I do get together frequently. The house still needs to get new siding, but expect that will not happen until spring. Soon there will be snow on the ground again, hopefully not as much as last year. I am so fortunate to have a friend who takes me grocery shopping or wherever I need to go when the weather is really bad. Change is hard isn’t it?
Cindy,
Yes, change is definitely a challenge. Some of it’s bad and some of it’s good but it’s a part of every life so I guess we’ll deal with it.
I know you miss Bill and the time you spent together; so glad you have those memories.
We are getting ready to move 800 miles away from all of my family. Within a few hours driving radius we currently have over 25 family members, and in our new home we will have none. I have never lived away from my family before, but I do believe this is the right choice for my husband and me to make right now. Our current home is not the place we want to raise a family, with property crime, gun violence, and frequent car accidents all taking place in our front yard. We are trading being walking distance from everything for trees and lakes and quiet. Prayers for strength and peace as we make this transition!
Robin,
Wow, that is a big transition to make a move that big and especially when it’s away from family. Nathan and Meagan can definitely understand that feeling of leaving family behind.
But it does sounds like a good decision–trading some not so good things for much better things. Enjoy the transition and the journey and just remember that next year at this time, you’ll be settled in and right at home!
Congrats on the tenure at your new job! It does sound like a perfect fit for you!
When I said last week that you’ve done a LOT in a year, I hadn’t taken into account all the things that you mentioned. It has been a WHIRLWIND, hasn’t it?
We moved into our current house just ten days short of three years ago. I love it so very much, but no – it won’t be our last house. This one has stairs, which we don’t want for our “final” home. We have a plan to age-in-place, and hope to remain active (and healthy!!!) until we die. However, I’ve also told my daughter (and my husband) that if I become too incapacitated to live on my own, or if I become too much for her to deal with on a daily basis, to put me in a home and I’ll be fine. I was a caregiver for my dad, and — while I don’t begrudge the time and cost, or the opportunity to connect with him as he navigated the process of dying — it was hard. I don’t want her to feel obligated to put her life on hold when she has things.to.do.
I’ve never lived in family member’s former house, but I think it would come with all sorts of emotions and have subtle impact on daily living. I love the views from your windows. 🙂
Stefanie,
I love your attitude about telling your daughter that if it gets to too much for them, that you are ok with going to a care home. That takes a load off of her shoulders and gives her the freedom to make necessary decisions.
I’m glad you are planning on living healthy and well for a long time–because doing that definitely starts now!
We have stairs in our home but only to the basement where the laundry is. If worse came to worst, our kids or hired help could do the laundry for us; we want to age-in-place as well!
I, too, can relate as we recently moved away from our home and community of 40 years and left behind a lot of very dear friends. In exchange, we are VERY close to our kids and grandkids now and are absolutely loving it!! We are pretty much settled in and are really enjoying the frequent visits from them! 😍 Ever moving again is NOT on my radar and I see us staying here.
You both have had quite a year. I’m not sure I could have weathered all of that. Wow.
Congratulations on your full-fledged status! It sounds like you are right where God wants you to be!
I can relate to so many of your words as I too moved, (across the country) bought a home on my own…..learned to navigate a life alone……and realizing I too can minister…without the title I once held.
Grief, depression and loneliness can become close companions if I allow them too….but I’m learning even 5 years into my transition to trust the one who loves me most!
It blesses my heart to Nathan & Sarah and their families live close. What a gift!
Kim 🙏🏻🤍
Kim,
So great to see your name pop up here!
Yes, you definitely have been through some major life changes since losing Tim. I love how you have turned your loss into an outreach to minister to other widows. You are making such a difference!