Terms of Engagement

November 7, 2016

It was November 1, 1981.

Steve and I were sitting in his orange Opel on top of Mt. Mitchell, the highest peak east of the Mississippi. We were eating cold hamburgers and drinking warm Dr. Pepper–above the clouds, at sunset.

A great moment for a fella to propose to his girlfriend, right?  

But it didn’t happen. Not that night.

The next night, however, sitting on a church parking lot, under a street lamp, next to the dumpster, my fella proposed. 

So why am I talking about this right now?  Well, it’s because just last week, on November 1, 2016, Steve and I were on Mt. Mitchell once more–above the clouds, at sunset.

This time around, however, we were reliving that 35-year old moment when we were just one sunset away from promising our lives to each other, forever.

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And just how did we happen to wind up at that particular mountain at that particular time? Here’s a little background.

When we knew we would be going to Smithfield, NC for our previous church’s 50th anniversary, we realized we would be halfway to to Charlotte, where Steve’s parents live.

And then we realized that if we drive on to Charlotte for a visit, that would put us just ninety minutes from the Blue Ridge Parkway, a place where we have often said we wanted to visit in the fall, but have never done.

And then it suddenly occurred to us that if we did end up going to the mountains, we would be on Mt. Mitchell
thirty-five years to the day after the first time we sat there together, eating our hamburgers under the clouds.

And things just sort of snowballed from there.  We did indeed drive from Smithfield to Charlotte last Sunday afternoon and had a lovely visit with Steve’s parents that evening. We all had breakfast together before pulling out Monday morning.

I love this photo. 

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We used Airbnb and rented a thrifty, lovely spot in the middle of nowhere that featured a balcony overlooking flowers, trees, and silence.

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I do have to say I was slightly alarmed to wake up Tuesday morning and discover a fella in pajamas standing on the balcony . . . but he turned out to be pretty nice and I let him stay.

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The nice fella and I drove the Blue Ridge Parkway all day Tuesday and enjoyed every moment and every color that came our way.

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When Steve saw that I was taking this particular picture he said, “Wait! Let me stick my chest out and pull my stomach in.”  

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Welcome to middle age.

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Our plan was to walk to a waterfall but unfortunately, my COPD’d lungs gave me some trouble and we only got about halfway before we had to stop and turn around.

The waterfall-less walk in the woods was still a refreshing change of scenery.  I was especially fascinated by these stone steps; I couldn’t even imagine getting the materials out there in the middle of nowhere and creating this walkway for the thousands of feet that would pass that way . . .

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including these.

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Although I had trouble getting to the waterfall, getting to this particular elevation wasn’t much of a problem. It’s amazing how much easier it is to achieve great heights when one is relying on wheels, rather than lungs! (Also, I thought it was very thoughtful of the mountains to dress in the same colors that I was wearing.)

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We just kept on getting higher and higher and higher until we finally arrived at our memory-filled destination–Mt. Mitchell! Since our home is at 12 feet above sea level, this was an almost Everest-esque change of elevation for us.

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There was an observation tower that enabled visitors to see eighty miles in all directions.

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I had a little talk with a raccoon on the trail leading to the tower:  he was quite the conversational chap.

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Steve and I are always fascinated by the history of places and we were especially inspired by reading about the pastor, scientist, and university professor who dedicated his life to scientifically proving the elevation of this mountain.  Sadly, in the process,  he fell from the mountain and lost his life.

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 However, at this particular juncture of the journey, we were a little more interested in our own history . . .

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and the smiles and the struggles and the memories wrapped up in the last thirty-five years.

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 And this car that I posted about earlier?  How does it fit into this terms of engagement story?

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Well, I’ll tell you.

On the day that we visited Mt. Mitchell, we happened to drive by this car and I thought, “Boy, that is really an old car.  It looks like something people drove back in the olden days.” 

At about the same time Steve exclaimed, “Oh look, Honey! That’s the very same model car we borrowed from my parents and took on our honeymoon!”

I was momentarily appalled and  I thought, “Hold on just a minute.  How old are we, anyway? Are we old enough to have driven a car of that vintage on our honeymoon?”

Yep. It appears that we are.

(Please note the classiness of our reception. We served Cheese Whiz on Ritz crackers. Yep. We really did.)

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Don’t you love Steve’s grin?

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This is in front of Steve’s parent’s house–where they still live.

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Three and a half decades after first sitting together on top of that mountain and surveying the clouds and the future and the unknown vistas, we are blessed to still be on this life journey together. In spite of the troubles and the struggles and the storms that have come to our lives and to our marriage, our love remains.

It is as steadfast as the mountains, as lovely as the fall trees overlooking the valley, as life-giving as the southern soil that nurtures the growth of new plants and new seasons.

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We are more in love now than we were in 1981 and ever more thankful for the joy of our friendship, the strength of our years, and the sanctuary of our love.

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If you have an engagement story to tell, we would love to hear it!

 

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23 comments so far.

23 responses to “Terms of Engagement”

  1. AnnO. says:

    Becky,
    This is a lovely post – the words, and the pictures! I love the one of Steve’s gentle, supportive hand on his dad’s back. Oh, and Steve’s sandals and short sleeves, beside his dad’s jacket and sturdy shoes with socks!

    My husband and I have been married 30 years, and dated for 5 years before the wedding. My husband and I were an “item” since our mid teens, high school sweethearts. What I notice about NOW, versus the 30 years leading up to now, is the panoramic view we have of our lives, and of the world, that just wasn’t there decades ago. And I’m not talking about the kind of view you have from Mt. Mitchell, although I think you and Steve there together looking at a real panoramic view is quite symbolic of your years together. Dare I say wisdom comes with age? Well, if not wisdom, and understanding and depth to what surrounds us, and how it got there.

    When I see the struggles of not only my kids, but younger folks all around, I realize they just need to age more. Experience more. Some things we just learn over time. Luckily for you, Steve, and me and my husband, we can sit together and look at the panoramic view that wasn’t always visible as we climbed the mountain.

    Congrats to you and Steve! Many wishes for decades of happy, healthy years ahead!
    Ann O.

    • Becky says:

      Ann,

      What a beautiful and insightful comment.

      You are so right about passing years giving us the privilege and insight of a panoramic view. Rather than get caught up in the worries and joys of the present, we are able to remind ourselves that they are just very small pieces of a very large puzzle–the picture of which we won’t fully see (or appreciate) until the very end.

      So happy for the good years of marriage you and your husband have experienced; with all the ups and downs involved, that longstanding love is the best thing there is.

  2. Sharon says:

    I love the pictures and the story of your engagement,, but what I am going to write is about one of the pictures. the one where Steve said let him pull his tummy in, My son Mike and I were traveling and he was driving one evening when I pulled out my camera and said “let me take your picture’ His answer, “Let me adjust my face first.” I took the picture and have it in my memory box of good times Mike and I had together.

  3. Heidi says:

    Our engagement was on the beach in Tybee Island, GA, 1996. My then boyfriend and I were camping on Skidaway Island with my parents for a long weekend. Skidaway is a pretty island for camping but no beaches, so we borrowed my parents van one afternoon and drove over to Tybee for the day. The most memorable part of the whole thing was getting back to camp and my new fiancé pacing back and forth as we waited for my parents so we could tell them our news. He was a little bit nervous to make our announcement to his soon to be in-laws. They were nothing but happy for us and he really had no reason to worry, but he couldn’t help letting the nerves get the better of him. We just celebrated our 20th last month and enjoyed a weekend in the north Georgia and Tennessee mountains. Fall anniversaries are a great reason to get away and enjoy the beautiful changing leaves in the mountains. Happy anniversary to you and Steve, thanks for sharing with us your beautiful pictures.

    • Becky says:

      Heidi,

      Yes, I have to agree with your husband. Telling one’s future in-laws that you are about to be related forever is nervewracking in the extreme. I am happy that THEY were (and are) happy. 🙂

      Happy 20th!

  4. jenna Hoff says:

    What a lovely story! I love the old photos of your first years together!

    I do have a non-engagement story to share. My (now) husband Eric and I had not been dating that long when Christmas rolled around. Let me preface this by saying that at the time, unequivocally neither of us was ready to be engaged. A ring that Christmas was pretty far from both of our minds.

    That Christmas, however he did buy me a pretty little necklace as a Christmas gift. On Christmas morning, he came over to join my family’s Christmas gift opening. Everyone was simultaneously exchanging gifts and not paying us much attention when he shyly pulled out the little jewellery box and quietly handed it to me. I immediately guessed from the box’s shape that it contained a necklace, but before I could unwrap it, my Grandma, who was then in her mid eighties, glanced over and thought she saw something different happening. Racing over to us, she sat right down between us, and with great delight loudly squealed, “Oh!! Is this the moment we’ve all been waiting for?!” Poor Grandma thought we were getting engaged! As the room got suddenly quiet and the whole family was suddenly watching, poor Eric’s ears turned bright red from embarrassment (remember, we hadn’t been dating all that long). It’s a story we still laugh about, all these years later.

    We did eventually get engaged at my favourite little indoor garden conservatory and have been happily married for 11 years. And this week, my Grandma– who still says funny things that make us laugh– will turn 101.

    • Becky says:

      Jenna

      Don’t you just love those grandmas of ours? They say the stuff everyone else is thinking and get away with it.

      Love that story and also am happy to know your real, non-grandma engagement was in a lovely garden convervatory. 🙂

  5. Lesley says:

    That’s awesome. Wonderful photographs too. What a great opportunity to revisit where it all began(almost!).

  6. Jodi says:

    Thankfully, the fellow in PJ’s turned out to be a keeper. What a great little step back in time.

  7. LeeAnne says:

    I don’t have an engagement story but I DO have a wedding story. My husband broke his lower leg at and above the ankle (in six places which required emergency surgery, plates, screws and a bolt, and crutches etc.) at his bachelor party ONE.WEEK. BEFORE. THE. WEDDING. He spent almost the entire reception in a wheelchair. Then when we left, I drove the car and carried the luggage. What’s a girl to do besides painting his crutches white to match his tux? We can laugh about it now. 🙂

    Your pictures are spectacular and the view from the deck looks AMAZING! What a fun trip. 🙂 Congratulations on 35 years together!

    • Becky says:

      LeeAnne,

      Oh my! A broken leg pre-wedding? NOT a happy thing!

      I’m glad you could both laugh about it and it DOES make a terrific story as the years go by!

  8. Phyllis says:

    I don’t have an engagement story but wanted to say those are beautiful pictures. I went to Vermont, New Hampshire and Maine the frist week of October several years ago. The colors were absolutely breath taking. Since I lived in Tampa at the time, we didn’t really get the leaves changing colors like that.

    • Becky says:

      Phyllis,

      Yes, that’s one of the few drawbacks of living in places like Florida–they don’t get those lovely leaves and changing of the seasons.

      I met New England TRULY was spectacular. We we went a little past the pieak but the leaves were still beautiful and we missed all the traffic!

  9. Ann Martin says:

    Beautiful and the mountains were gorgeous. We got engaged at Disney World in 1985. Went with a group to a wedding in Florida. When we returned home an elderly lady ? in our church had told everyone we got married. We said we wasted money then because I roomed with a friend and Jim had his own room.

    • Becky says:

      Ann,

      Love that story and her reply to the elderly lady! I guess if anyone had known if you had gotten married or not, YOU did! 🙂

  10. Steve says:

    a wonderful getaway. Great post. What happened to the turkeys? Hmm?

    • Becky says:

      Steve,

      I should explain to my readers that the turkeys you are referring to are the clump of birds that was standing in the driveway to greet us when we approached our little room in the woods. I was entranced by them but NOT entranced enough to feature them in the story. 🙂

  11. Grangela says:

    This is beautiful, wonderful photographs! yes, Steve’s smile is lovely, I can see Nathan’s face in his and Sarah in you, a beautiful album! Happy Anniversary, I wish you many more happy years! Sorry not been around lately, it’s been a busy year, so happy to catch up with you All my best wishes Angela

    • Becky says:

      Angela,

      Happy news to have you stop by! I know how the busyness of passing years can catch up with us. Stop back by any ol’ time!

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