Sarah woke me late last Tuesday night to tell me she had been up vomiting and was feeling really awful.
I immediately threw aside my blankets and my exhaustion and morphed into mommy mode.
“Do you have a fever? Did you eat something that upset your stomach? How many times have you thrown up? Do you feel weak?”
Twenty Questions has nothin’ on a mama when she’s hitting her stride.
I went downstairs with Sarah who was clinging to the Throwing Up Bowl like a life raft. We were met in the kitchen by a delighted doggie who was thrilled that the humans were unexpectedly coming down to her domain to hang out.
I gave Sarah a little dry toast and some water which stayed down about five minutes. Tried a few bites of banana. Five minutes. Gone.
Realizing the futility of that particular task, I helped my pale, shivering daughter to the sofa and covered her with blankets and towels warmed in the dryer.
This photo is from a few years ago when Sarah had the flu and Snowy was on nurse duty.
I knew Sarah wouldn’t want to go all the way back up to her third-floor bedroom because there is no bathroom up there. And yet I wasn’t too excited about the idea of spending the night in the recliner. So we decided that both of us would sleep in the guest room across from the bathroom.
As soon as I got Sarah tucked in, the vomiting was joined by diarrhea. We both tried to catch a little sleep in between the interruptions but it wasn’t easy.
As I lay there in bed next to my restless daughter, half in slumber, and half in hyper-awareness, a funny thought occurred to me. As I had been rubbing her back and helping her with the basin for about the sixth time, I had actually been smiling a little on the inside.
And just why would a mama do a crazy thing like that?
It’s because I was pretty sure that her symptoms were caused by either the flu or something she ate. In other words: manageable and not life-threatening.
And my smile was pure gratitude.
That experience last Tuesday wasn’t anything like thirteen years ago on the bone marrow transplant floor when I was holding her basin, and rubbing her back and her bald head while she violently vomited up bile and stomach acids. To make it even worse, I knew the sores all the way through her digestive system caused her immense pain each time she threw up.
There is no comfort a mother can give at a time like that.
All the warm blankets, all the whispered words, all the gentle back rubs cannot alleviate the suffering of a small child with chemo and morphine and terror running through her veins.
As I sat with my miserable child in that dark hospital room, in the shadow of two medicine poles hung with pumps, and bags and wires, I knew the reality was that even if she made it through transplant, she might not survive the months beyond.
But after facing fevers up to 106 degrees, hallucinations, morphine, trauma, and tears, the time finally came for her to be discharged. And although the fear of relapse constantly hung over us, we made it through weeks, and then months, and now years.
And all those passing years brought us to last Tuesday night–the night when memories of the past wove themselves through my dreams, only to be relieved each time I awoke by the knowledge that Sarah was okay. The past had no power over our precious, present moments.
As I stayed with her through the night, my mind meandered back through memories of the times I had nurtured Nathan through crises and illnesses.
And when he went off to college nine hours away, I remembered the first time he called to tell me he was sick. I could hear the fever in his voice, the weariness in his words, the homesickness in every sentence. My child was ill but so very far away from my maternal ministrations. No need to heat up chicken noodle soup; no need to warm the towels. I could only comfort him with my voice and then hang up the phone and cry.
But he made it. He matured. He graduated. He got married and now, along with his amazing wife, he is busy raising and comforting children of his own. I am so proud of the incredible husband and daddy he has become.
And now in about four months, Sarah will also be gone. And when she gets sick in college, she will be tended to by her dorm roommates and not her mama. A few years after that, she will have a husband to care for her in her sickest times, just the way her dad has so beautifully done for me, especially through my journey with breast cancer.
For almost three decades, I have had a child in my house to care for and I have so very much loved my job of building two human beings. But all too soon, I will step down from that position and release my last-in-the-nest child to the world beyond. My nurturing mama days and my holding-the-basin nights will end.
And that means no more knocks on my bedroom door in the middle of the night. No more raspy voices whispering, “Mom, I’m sick. Can you help me?”
That part of my life will be done.
Although I will get to sleep uninterruptedly through the night, in my dreams I will still revisit all those precious and exhausting times when my children needed me and I had the privilege of being there for them.
I will lie quietly and listen for knocks on the door that will no longer come. And I will wipe a tear and nestle under the covers and will hold on to the strong certainty that those flown-away chicks who I miss so desperately will eventually wing their way back home.
They will come through the front door with grown-up faces, so different from who they were in their childhood days, and yet, in essence, the same. Always the same.
They will bring a whole new batch of little people and I will joyfully give to them the same love I gave to their parents.
Hand me down love. The best kind.
What about you? Did your mom (or dad) do something special for you to help you feel better when you were sick? Or is there someone in your life who does something now?
Hi Becky, Wanted to write this when you posted but life has been busy. Hope Sarah is feeling better. When I moved away from home I’d be healthy & not catch whatever bug was going around but when my mom would come visit the 2nd day I’d always get sick with a 24-hour bug. Now that I have moved back to Iowa we laugh about her “vacations” when I lived away from home. We always need our Moms. Karen D.
Karen,
Sometimes it’s worth getting a little sick just to have your mom fuss over you. 🙂
Like you said, we always need our moms. (And Sarah is feeling much recovered, thank you!)
I’m sorry Sarah has been so sick. It’s probably the virus that’s going around. The same thing hit the school where I teach. Many children and teachers have been out from it–same symptoms as Sarah. I pray Sarah will feel better soon!
Karen,
Yes, our daycare at church got hit pretty hard with similar stuff. Not so fun anyone!
Sarah is feeling much better; thankful it was a fairly short lived illness. Thanks so much for your concern and prayers!
knock, knock…
Who’s there?
Just I. I need your care!
———————
You were always there when they needed you, and will continue to be,
even if it is via the phone connection.
Mrs. Pam,
So true. I’m thankful to live in an era of phone connections and Skype. I think I would go batty, otherwise! (And I liked your knock knock joke!)
Ugh, I feel her pain. While on a trip to Vegas with friends earlier this year I came down with what I suspect was food poisoning, and all the symptoms she’s having. While stuck in a Vegas hotel room. Not fun. Nothing worse than not being home when you’re that sick! Hope she feels better soon, I think I’d rather take a beating than have vomiting!
Melissa,
Getting sick far from home? NOT a good thing.
And I agree. Throwing up is definitely one of my least favorite things to do although the good part of it is that I always feel SO much better when it’s over!
Oh Sarah unfortunately I feel your pain.i woke up early Tuesday morning with the same thing. A bunch of us were doing some volunteer work for out church & must have got food poisoning fron the pizza that was delivered.
Praying you feel lots better today.????
Margie,
Yikes. Food poisoning is NOT a good thing. Thankfully God gave our body’s the mechanisms to get rid of that bad food–just not a real fun process. 🙂
Well, my mom took me to the doctor when I fell out of a tree (playing Tarzan) and broke my arm (6 yrs. old). Took me to the doctor when I tripped on a plank with a nail in it and broke the bottle of milk I was carrying. Took me to the doctor when I ran into the side of our stucco house (wearing a halloween mask). Took me to the doctor in the middle of the night because of appendix pain (they took it out) – well, I won’t do any more, but I was familiar with the doctors. Praying that by the time you write again, she’ll be as good as new. You are such a good mama!!
Sharyn,
I’m impressed by your lineup of physical mishaps; you must have been a very active child! 🙂 I’m sure you gave your mom a heart attack more than once. Bless her!
And yes, Sarah is feeling fully recovered. Thank you.
Beautiful post! I hope Sarah is feeling better! When I was small and sick, my daddy made me soupy grits and read to me (well, he read to me all the time!) and my mother fixed me a Coca-cola. Sweet memories!
Angela,
Awww, I love hearing about dads being involved with caring for sick children. I can just picture him serving you the grits and getting out the books to read.
Grits and books. A fabulous prescription for health!
Beautiful. Made me cry !
Millie,
How fun to see your name pop up here.
We loved it when you and Ferrell came to see us; you can come back any ol’ time! We can stand in that little building downtown and sing The Lighthouse again! 🙂 Love you both.
Thanks for such a beautiful post (even though I am reading it and the comments thru tears)!! Posts like this make me feel old because I have been a faithful follower of your blogs all the way back to when you posted on Caring Bridge when Sarah was first diagnosed. And now she has grown into a beautiful young lady! You have done a great job parenting Sarah and Nathan. They have great roots and like you said “They will eventually wing themselves back home”!!
Yeah, those many-miles-away sick calls are the WORST!! I always have a hard time with those and also cry after hanging up. It is crazy, but I try to act all-together while giving advice over the phone but fall all to pieces when I hang up!! Guess all of us moms do the same things when our flown chicks are far away from us. But it also makes my heart smile just knowing he still needs my help and I just cling to any small thing that I can still help him with when problems arise.
Beautiful post, just like the author!!
Donna,
You are so sweet. Thanks for hanging out with our family for such a very long time. We are honored to have you on the journey.
I know just what you mean when you say it makes your heart smile when your son still needs you for something–maybe some advice, or some piece of information. It’s such a joy to still get to be involved in our children’s lives when they have moved away. You sound like a great mom.
Sure hope that Sarah is on the mend. The bug has really made its rounds here at our work but I am avoiding it. My mom – even though she is 88 and I take care of her – when I broke my hip – as soon as I came home – she made homemade chicken soup. I never remember being sick as a child – my babies (44 & 36) still call me when they are sick – like Nathan I think it is a mama thing even though we aren’t there/. I too hope that you and Steve skip this bug
Becky,
I LOVE that your mom made you chicken soup when you broke your hip. No matter how old the mama, no matter how old the child–the mother instinct never goes away.
You are very blessed to have each other.
Wonderful message in your post. So praying Sarah is much better by now and you and Steve remain “healthy.” Mama was always there when I was sick growing up. Daddy was usually at work. Now Jim tries to comfort and help whenever I do not feel well. He is very attentive to me even when I just want to sleep. Those “bugs” can throw us all out of sorts. Hugs to you.
Ann,
You’ve had much love sown into your life over the years, haven’t you? So wonderful to have memories of your mama’s care and the blessing of Jim’s present care. You are blessed!
Tears seem to be the order of the day! So beautifully written, Becky. Your children are so fortunate to have such a loving mother.
Stay well yourself, please.
Liz,
Yeah, this is one of those posts that I cried while writing. I’m glad it touched you as well; thanks for your words.
Ok Becky. It’s only 9:50 a.m. and you have me in tears! I’m feeling your heartache and remembering those times with my own children so very well. My daughter was the ear infection/respiratory one while my son would always get the stomach stuff. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve held the bucket for him and given him toast and 7-up. 🙂 Mom was a nurse so it made me feel so safe and I knew it would all be ok. She would get out the heating pad to help warm me up. She also would make me dry toast or saltine crackers with just a tiny bit of butter on them. And 7-up to drink. We never got soda any other time so it actually was a real treat. Ha! Now when I get sick, not only is my sweet hubby at my side to help me, I get the long-distance attendance from my kids….daughter especially. They HATE it when their momma is sick or hurt and they really step up. Checking in via text or phone calls all the time, as well as offering ‘get well’ advice. Love it!
I hope that Sarah is all better now and back to her normal routine.
Happy Friday!!
LeeAnne,
Generational, hand me down love. Isn’t it the best?
I also remember getting saltine crackers when sick. I think saltine crackers have been around a long, long time because so many people I know have memories of eating them when their stomachs were upset.
I love reading about how your kids start mothering YOU long distance, when you are sick. That’s the best kind of return on your investment. 🙂
This post brought tears to my eyes this morning. It sent me back a few years as our children left the nest as well and I relived the “Mom, I’m sick” phone call home and that helpless feeling of wanting to run/drive there to take care of it. Now, so thankful for their loving homes and seeing them in parenting roles. It’s really a blessing from God.:)
Karen,
Those phone calls are the worst, aren’t they? We are so used to being there for every sniffle, hang nail, flu, and broken heart that when the miles between us make our presence impossible–well, it’s enough to make a mama cry!
I’m glad love knows no distance, though.
And I so agree that is it truly wonderful to see our kids established in homes of their own.
That stomach bug has been showing up in some friends and family lately. It didn’t last long, and I hope Sarah’s is much better! AND that you and Steve don’t get it!
Beautiful post, Becky. Hand me down love. Wonderful way to put it! I have one of my four kids still at home. The other three, and my young grandson, are scattered around the country. Even at a distance, I find my mama voice still so needed and appreciated by the far away crew. To offer love, compassion, and mama doctoring from afar is prescription I’m happy to fill. To be a solid foundation for our children, to be calm in the face of worry and fear – are these skills we can list on a resume’?!
I am grateful to have the loving voices of my in-laws, and my dad, still available for me to tap into on this earth.
Thanks for your hand out love and inspiration you so graciously give with your words and pictures.
Ann,
Yes, I think we SHOULD be able to list our mothering skills on a resume’! Actually, I think most job places could benefit from them! 🙂
You are blessed to be in the sandwich generation, receiving love from your children and from a parent and parents-in-law, too. Although it can sometimes be a complex role to fill, it is a role with many rewards, as well.