This edition of Smithellaneous is being brought to you courtesy of Southwest Air and Wisconsin roads.
Friday afternoon, Steve and I made a last-minute decision for me to fly to Wisconsin and by 6:30 a.m. Saturday, I was headed out the door with my suitcase in hand. I’ll let your imagination fill in the blanks as to how frantic those intervening hours were with booking a flight and ground transportation. rearranging schedules, packing, and finishing up all my work for Sunday’s service.
Although a trip to Wisconsin was not on my schedule and certainly not in our budget, sometimes those things just fall by the wayside when family is in need. (In this case, a mom who is post-surgery and a sister who could use some help.)
I haven’t booked my return flight yet because I am just waiting to see how how long I am needed but will I probably be here till Thursday.
This is mom right after the surgery, which was about a week ago. She has since been moved to a different part of the hospital for recuperation and rehab.
All of my siblings (who live several hours away) have been involved in Mom’s care in one way or another;. My middle sister, Ruth, who lives about two hours away, has come several times to stay overnight and assist in a hundred different ways; she has been an amazing help in this situation.
My youngest sister, Debbie, who lives in the same town as mom, has been her primary caretaker. (Along with her wonderful husband, Randy.) I have made this trip a priority for Mom, definitely, but also partly for Debbie, so that I can support her and give her a break. (And I am thankful for a husband who whole heartedly supports me in this journey. He loves my family as much as I do.)
Debbie is a consummate care giver–from the big things like advocating for mom and getting her to doctor’s appointments, all the way to the smaller things like putting up a bird feeder outside her room, doing her laundry, and cutting her food.
Today Debbie and I will take Mom to several doctor appointments in addition to physical therapy, which for a shoulder replacement, is not a walk in the park. Debbie and I have been discussing how amazing mom has been through all of this; despite dealing with intense pain in the days following surgery, she has maintained her usual gentle spirit and sweet dignity.
I noticed that yesterday when the nurse’s aid came in, Mom knew her name, the fact that she had two children, and the ages of those children. Unfailingly she says thank you to everyone who crosses her path and her quiet smile in the midst of all of this struggle can light up the corners of any room and the heaviness of any heart.
Last evening, Randy, Debbie and I took Mom for a walk outside in her wheelchair, enjoying the whisper of early fall temps in the air.
When we went back inside, we wheeled Mom to the chapel and sat her near the piano. When I asked mom what she wanted me to play, her first request was “Sweet Hour of Prayer.” As I played, she listened and smiled, no doubt thinking back to the moments and the memories that have been stitched together with those words and melody.
We went from there to several songs Debbie, Randy and I used to sing together during our road years. As the three of us found our old harmonies, the acoustics of the room doubled our sound while the appreciative listener in the wheelchair doubled our joy.
Yesterday I was with Mom for part of the morning while Debbie was at church. I cut up her breakfast for her and we ate together. A short while later, when she was ready to lie back down, I called the nursing assistant to move her from her wheelchair to the bed. As I took off her socks, arranged the pillow under her painful arm, tucked the blanket under her chin, and took off her glasses I was very much aware of the reversal of the roles. Cutting food, taking off socks, tucking in blankets–how many times had she done that for me?
My eyes filled with tears as I stood for a moment and watched her sleep. When your mom is in her 80’s (her 82nd birthday is tomorrow) you are reminded that these sweet opportunities for time together won’t last forever.
Is this trip expensive? Is it inconvenient? Yes.
But in the years to come, when she has joined Dad in a life free of pain, sorrow, and surgeries, I will be so thankful I was here to cut her food, take off her socks, and tuck her in.
She did it for me. Debbie and I do it for her. Nathan is doing it for his children.
Such a heritage of care she has given to us all.
Tears in my eyes as I read this post. So many memories of my parents and my heart hurts that I can’t have one more time to tuck them in bed and hold their hands. This trip was absolutely necessary and what your heart needed. All else pales in comparison. I pray your mom is getting stronger and you will enjoy many more years of gentle smiles and kind words and support – her just being on this earth is all the support you need. God Bless You, Becky
The blog post that came today was “a bit off” to say the least. Are you having problems with the blog? Here is what the heading looked like:
Temporary Post Used For Theme Detection (898a8846-c793-4603-bc19-ab90adc19d13 – 3bfe001a-32de-4114-a6b4-4005b770f6d7
Liz,
I was trying out some new software and it created a test blog post. I deleted it and all should be well.
I didn’t realize that an email had been sent out announcing it. Sorry about that! 🙂
Happy birthday to your mom! What a great job she did raising you & your siblings! I hope she continues to heal and feel better every day. <3
Thanks so much, Lizz. I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she sounded a little stronger.
Hi Becky –
Just dropping in to see how your mom is. I hope she’s recovering nicely. You all are quite lucky to have each other.
🙂
Hi Brooke,
Thanks for checking on her! She is making good progress but at 82 and with several breaks in her elbow and shoulder, it’s going to be a long road to recovery. It was very hard to leave her on Thursday.
How wonderful that you could get to WI to help with your mom. I am so thankful I was able to help out with my mom as much as I did. It is so hard to see them needing the help when they have always been the strong ones who helped us. Mom has been with Jesus and Dad now for 8 years and I wish I could do it all over again for her. I miss her every single day! Enjoy your time there! Wendy
Wendy,
It sounds like you and your mom had a very special relationship. And I agree, the shifting of the roles is not an easy thing . . . thankful for love that lubricates the gears as the shift is taking place.
Birthday Blessings abound for Mom with her family and others caring for her. May her recovery be a speedy one.
Mrs. Pam,
Thank you! I am grateful that she is doing better now than she was even the day I got here. Improvement (however gradual) is a happy thing!
Good words, good observations on this journey from the cradle to the grave. Thank God we have each other to lift burdens, that is His will for us all, love one another.
Ruth,
From the cradle to the grave. . . what a journey it is.
Prayers for your Mom’s recovery. Please wish her a Happy Birthday tomorrow. I’m so glad you were able to make the trip, she must have been very happy to see you. My Nana had a sweet disposition like your Mom, always please and thank you and cheerful, even when you knew she wasn’t feeling well.
Kari,
Isn’t a sweet disposition such a wonderful thing? I think it really shows a person’s character when they still be pleasant and say please and thank you even when they don’t feel well. Sounds like you had a wonderul Nana!
Becky such perfect words of affirmation for the lives and roles parents and children play. And the dance we do in life. Ive Been there in that same role with my mom. And I could have never put it in words like that. I just did it. Life is short moms deserve the best of their kids . We only get one mom! We gotta make it count!! Tell your mom happy birthday!!! Catherine
Catherine,
I love your line, “the dance we do in life.” That puts it so beautifully!
This is so wonderful that you have been able to join your family right now and help your mom and sister. I hope your mom’s recovery goes well….she sounds like a very special lady.
Jenna,
I am grateful to be able to be here. I know that in the years to come, I will never regret making the effort and spending the money to do this.
What a blessing to be able to care for your Mom from someone who lost one parent at 22 and the other at 41. I didn’t have the opportunity to care for either of them. Inconvenient, expensive , yes! I won’t romanticize it. In honesty, so is raising a child! Amazing … love is so much stronger than ease and money. God sure knew what He was doing when He gave us the ability to love!
Guerrina,
That is so young to have lost both parents . . . I know you must still feel that loss every day, even years later.
If they had lived, I know your love for them would have inspired you to be such a great caregiver. Hugs.
Prayers for your mother’s recovery to go well, and for her family to be able to care for her. She is very fortunate, but also an easy patient, I am guessing. I am surprised that your mom’s food is not arriving already cut as that should be noted on her patient info. I know it isn’t fun to wait for an aide to come to do the cutting.
Liz,
I’m so glad you mentioned that we could request having her food cut ahead of time. We are going to check on that today and see if it can be done.
I can relate to your last minute trip and to the role reversal. Two years ago this past February, when I was still in Tampa, my mom was admitted to the hospital with pneumonia. She was only in overnight but her household chores like laundry had piled up that week while she wasn’t feeling up to par. My mom was 82 at the time, now she is 85 and my dad is 90. They still live at home for now. I have two brothers – one lives 2 1/2 hours away, the other 2 blocks away – so no sisters to help in their care. When something like this happens, it always seems to be me that takes care of things. My brother went to see her in the hospital – only problem he went to the one where they live when she was in the one 20 miles away. He didn’t know enough about my parent’s medical care to know that they had switched doctors and been going to one there for over a year. I made the quick decision to fly back the next day also. Fortunately I had plenty of vacation time, it was just the cost of the plane ticket. I think I was lucky enough to have enough SW points to pay for it. My mom was home by the time I got there but still very weak and tired. For 6 or 7 days, I cleaned, did laundry, cooked and froze meals. After I left my dear cousin’s husband – they live in the same small town – took over doing the bulk of their laundry and still does to this day. He picks it up Friday morning and returns it Saturday some time. My cousin is always sending them something she has cooked or baked.
Now that I have moved to Kansas, it’s only 112 miles to my parents house which has been a Godsend as my dad had to have thyroid surgery in February of 2015, just eight months after I moved. I make it down about once a month, barring winter weather, and do the things they just can’t do anymore. On the schedule for this weekend – defrost their chest type freezer. I usually make a Wal-Mart run (20 miles away) and pick up things they need. Both have arthritis so walking all over Wal-Mart just isn’t something they can do. And neither of them will use a motorized cart.
Wishing the best for your mom’s recovery and thankful that you were able to go help your sister out.
Phyllis,
Sometimes things as simple as doing an elderly person’s laundry makes all the difference to them. And defrosting a freezer and making Wal-Mart runs are just as important. Those are practical, day-to-day ways to show the people we love how much they mean to us.
Halmark cards and roses are nice but it’s the things you wrote about that truly say, “I love you.” Thanks for sharing your story.
What a good daughter you are. ?I’m sure you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now. Praying for all of you.??????
Thank you, Margie. This is definitely the place I need to be right now; so thankful it has worked out.
So glad you could make this trip. Moms are special and I do not regret one minute I spent caring for my Mama and would do it again if she were still with us. All I have are great memories and no regrets. Enjoy every minute just being with her. Prayers for you and Debbie as you care for her. Please hug her and tell her Happy Birthdat for me. God bless. Much love to all. ❤️????
Ann,
“All I have are great memories and no regrets.” That is a powerful statement to be able to make and what a great treasure it is to be able to say those words. I know you miss your parents so very much.
praying for the physical therapy – you are right that is a tough one. And as you said and realize time and cost is nothing even when not in the budget. I am 6:00PM to 5:30AM caretaker and 24 hr on weekend ends for mama who is 88 and I wouldn’t trade a minute.
As you so elegantly put the circle goes around. what a awesome sister you are to realize how much work and dedication it takes. enjoy your time, enjoy your mom, sister and family and I know that Steve has a faithful church family that will take care of all his needs
Becky,
Your mom is blessed to have you taking such good care of her. I know if the roles were reversed, it would mean so much to me to have that kind of care.
And the circle continues to go around . . .
What a blessing that you are able to be there for both your mom and your sister. Prayers for a smooth recovery and less pain.
LeeAnne,
I hope it’s much a blessing for them as it is for me!
Well, now you are in my world of caregiving. It’s so wonderful that you are able to get out to Wisconsin to give your sister a break. Full time caregiving is so very very hard. My dad is 92 and I haven’t seen him in over a year, since I made the move to DC. Sarah is full care for me, she can’t make the trip and there is no one else to help me care for her here yet. So hard to trust strangers. However, I have decided to speak to my sons and plan a weekend to fly up to Cape Cod. They are going to have to come take care of with Sarah while I go. John will have to take time off from work and come down from NJ. Jimmy will have to clear his busy schedule. Is it inconvenient? Yes. Do I have the money to do this? No. Will I worry about Sarah? Yes. But when Dad is gone, I will be so happy that I made the effort. There isn’t much time left.
I look forward to hearing how your mom is recovering. So often, after a fall and a break like this, the elderly really do not have the reserve to bounce back to their pre accident status. I am hoping she is one of the lucky few! She seems like such a sweet lady. Hugs to you Becky.
Lesley,
I can’t begin to tell you how much I admire your faithful love-driven diligence in caring for Sarah around the clock; I know the two of you must have such an amazing relationship. I magine you can just look at her face and know without a word what she is feeling and what she needs.
But even with your great dedication to her, I know your heart also yearns to be near your dad, too, seeing to his needs and spending time with him during his last days. And therein lies the familial pull–two people who need you, two people who you want to be with.
I’m glad you are going to call on your sons for help so that you can take a trip to Cape Cod. It’s important for you to see your dad, but it’s also important for you to do do something away from your normal routine. Let me know how it all works out.
Ahhh. Well said. Give my love to all of the Cheese Heads.
Steve,
Will do!
What a moving post. I’m so glad you’re been able to be there. I’ll be praying for a good recovery for your mom and I know you will be gaining new memories for the years to come. May your visit be sweet.
Karen,
Definitely gaining new memories, memories I would’t trade for anything. So thankful I took the plunge and made this trip.