Before getting into today’s post, let me update you on a couple of things.
Steve’s vision has improved a lot; in fact, he is no longer having to wear a patch. Improvement was supposed to take at least 3 months but he was better in about 6 weeks. Very thankful!
My mom is still on hospice but still smiling and still being thankful for all the blessings in her life. I hope to get up to see her soon if I can find a good flight.
Today I am headed to Chapel Hill to meet with the specialist who is looking at why the lower part of my esophagus is paralyzed.
Last week, I was in Greenville at an oncologist’s office who is tracking the nodule in my lung. The good news is that the nodule is stable and I can wait a while to be rescanned.
I am going to rewind a couple of weeks and write about the kids’ trips to Charlotte to say their last goodbyes to their grandma. Although there were plenty of tears and deep emotions during that journey, we also had some sweet times of laughter.
One night, Meagan and Nathan got the idea of building a campfire and having S’mores. Nathan was the official fire builder and the rest of us dragged out some chairs to put by the fire.
But these were not just any ol’ chairs; these chairs came complete with history.
(Left to right) Steve’s maternal grandparents owned the first one, Vernie rocked Steve and his brothers in the second one, and I rocked Nathan and Sarah in the third one.
Meagan was in charge of the Gourmet S’mores. We had Nutella, graham crackers, Stroopwafels, Reese’s peanut butter cups, Hershey’s chocolate, marshmallows, and . . . wait for it . . . raspberries.
Yes, raspberries.
Who knew they could be so delicious on a S’more?
You’ll just have to take our word for it.
Look how transformed Gage was after having just one bite. Pretty powerful raspberries!
And look at Sarah’s smile. You need to go find yourself some raspberries!
Steve got out his guitar and played a variety of songs, fast and slow, while Gage improvised and made a drum out of an ice chest.
About a half-hour into the music, the young ‘uns got the idea of dancing around the campfire. (Sorry for the blurriness; dancing and low light are a little tricky.)
They started out quite sedately.
But then Steve when started playing some fast stuff on the guitar, the vigor of youth hit them.
I think what also hit them was the pent-up sadness and grief of the day after saying their goodbyes to grandma. The grief needed a place to be let out and dancing around the fire was it.
What a joy to gather in the backyard of a house that has been in our family for almost fifty years.
What a shining moment to watch our four kids sing, laugh, dance, grieve, and remember, while the old chairs that held the history of the family bore witness.
In the flames of affliction and grief, joy always finds a way to shine through.
What about you?
What challenging and/or joyful things have happened in your life in the past few days or weeks?
Do you ever experience what we experienced in the backyard? Have you unexpectedly found simple joy in the midst of grieving, in the midst of a hard time?
What is making you smile today?
Raspberries on s’mores might need to be in my future….
There has been a lot of grieving in my life the last few years, it seems like. But there are always bright moments in it, too. Cards with family sitting in the hospice room, conversations you would never have had the opportunity for if it weren’t for the circumstances, and finding compassion and tolerance you didn’t know you had (even if it gets a little thin-stretched from time to time!).
There is an honor in being with someone in the final days or hours of their life. At one point my mother and I were talking about how I unexpectedly wound up being an integral part of helping 3 of my 4 grandparents die, twice as primary caretaker. She wondered if I thought it was a blessing or a curse, and the honest truth is that it was both — but it weighs heavier on the blessing side.
Kristina,
I totally agree about the honor of being with someone in their last hours; I’ve done it five times now. That really was unusual to be with 3 grandparents as they got ready to pass, especially as primary caretaker to two of them. I know it feels like a mixed blessing sometimes when the grief and fatigue and stress start to vie with each other. But in the end, it truly does weigh heavier on the blessing side. I love the way you put that.
What a precious post. When my husband’s uncle passed away, several cousins were all staying at the same La Quinta. We were gathered around the pool telling stories and reminiscing, but then it started raining. So instead of going to our rooms, we went in to the lobby and asked if they had a room we could all fit in to “visit”. We got to use the meeting room, so we talked, played cards and visited for 3-4 hours until midnight, when they needed to prep the room for an actual meeting the next day. This was probably 15 years ago and it’s still a precious memory. What great news that Steve’s vision is improving so quickly. I hope you’re able to get a good flight soon to visit your mom and hope you all have a wonderful week.
Sue Ellen,
I love your LaQuinta story. That is the kind of spontaneous memory that stays in your heart forever–time spent with special people, remembering a special person.
What a fun time ’round the campfire y’all had! Looks like a special time! Memories, for sure.
I’m also glad to hear about Steve, your Mom and your medical news.
My tough time came on April 11 when I had to put my 7 year old “Little Kitty” to sleep. It was so difficult, but the right decision. She was sick and I knew it was time to let her go- she was tired. My son only knows our house with her in it, so it was extra tough to tell him. We still have 1 kitty and we’re doing a little better.
Krista,
Oh, I am so sorry about Little Kitty! I have been in your shoes (and Sarah has been in your son’s shoes) and that is a huge, emotional blow. Those animals of ours have a way of getting right into our hearts. Hugs.
Becky, what a beautiful post. Again, as you often do, you share human connections that are simply sacred. Those times especially stand out in the midst of grieving, and hard times. I just love the fire, smores, and dancing.
My daughter and son-in-law are going through a separation/divorce. My two little grandkids (4 & 7) are in the mix. As the grandkids are navigating between parental homes, the time with them is extra special, and my daughter is feeling the hole in her heart, when her babies are having daddy time (luckily, he’s a pretty good dad). I’m sure you and Steve counsel folks on this all the time, but it’s never easy to live through, or observe. The simple joys stand out more than ever, and grieving occurs during the empty times.
As you wrote: “In the flames of affliction and grief, joy always finds a way to shine through.” Those words are giving me peace today. Thank you.
Ann,
Thank you so much for your words of affirmation about my writing; they are so encouraging.
What a hard place you are in–being the mom/grandma and wanting to make everything better, to spare your daughter and grandkids from tomorrow’s sorrows. As you said, its em>never easy to live through or observe.
I can only imagine the strength your family gets from you throughout this difficult chapter as they know you are right there beside them, helping, loving,supporting, It makes such a huge difference.
Many, many hugs.
Love the idea of raspberries added to S’mores! It seems that Gage and Sarah were quite joyful after indulging!
Monday & Tuesday of this week were a bit challenging. I drove to Roanoke Rapids to help prepare Mom’s house to be sold. It was so strange walking through the house with all furnishings removed. Mom lived in the house for 68 years. I am grateful that she was able to stay in her home throughout her life. So thankful that she never lived in an assisted care/nursing home facility. Mom passed away at our local hospital after contracting Covid-19 a few weeks before. Mom’s medical office did not recommend that she take the vaccine due to her congestive heart failure. We listened and respected their advice. Mom never received the Covid-19 vaccine. In retrospect, maybe we should have insisted that they give her the vaccine.
I did find ‘joy in the midst of grieving’ on Tuesday. Mama had a mega huge, over grown rhododendron bush just outside her dining room window. For the past 20+ years she refused to allow anyone to even trim this monster bush. She loved to tell us about the cardinal family that had taken up residence. She loved watching the male and female taking food to the nest to feed their young. On Tuesday the male and female were flying in and out of the nest delivering food to the baby birds.
Mama loved her cardinal friends, I’m glad that we didn’t trim the bush.
Gloria,
I can just feel the joy in your words talking about spending time with the rhododendron bush and the cardinal family living there. What wonderful, comforting memories must have come rushing in!
I can only imagine what it was like to walk through an empty house after seeing your mom there for 68 years. If it had been me, there would have been tears accompanying every footfall.
Continued grace and comfort to you in the days to come.
On Friday, we got together with my husband’s siblings and their spouses to remember and celebrate our brother-in-law who died tragically one year ago on April 22nd. There were tears but also lots of laughter. Being together was exactly what everyone needed. It was also 2 years to the day that my mother-in-law died. A very special get-together indeed. Reliving the memories of two wonderful and very special people was so therapeutic.
Lee Anne,
Oh, what a special gathering, full of tears, laughter, and the joy of being together as a family. It’s always amazing to me how many emotions can be mixed in together at one time. But what a healing mix it is.
Hugs to you and your sweet family.
I had to google what a Stroopwafel was. I had never heard of them; however, I love anything caramel so I’m sure I would like them. Nutella on a s’more sounds pretty good though.
The most challenging thing in the last couple days is the death yesterday of my younger brother’s longtime friend. They were each other’s best man in their weddings. Three weeks ago yesterday he went in for routine back surgery and went into anaphylactic shock when they gave him a pre-op antibiotic. He was without circulation for 14 minutes. They transferred him to a larger hospital but he never regained consciousness. He was just 59 years old and had retired at the end of the school year two years ago after being the superintendent of my hometown school system for several years.
I think laughter in the midst of grief is a much needed emotion. We have so many memories of our loved ones and many of them are happy times.
Glad to hear Steve’s eyesight is improving!
Phyllis,
Yeah, that’s kind of a funny name, isn’t it? I will say they are delicious!
Oh my. What a sad situation with your brother’s best friend. I’m sure he felt like he was losing a brother, not just a friend. And he was so young with so many good years ahead. Things like that are just not easy to understand.
Hopefully the grief surrounding this death will be blended with wonderful memories to share and yes, even some laughter.
What joyful pictures around the fire – blessings in the burdens is what I call those moments. When life is so heavy (and a burden) and the blessings just come and surround you. You really don’t have to look too hard to find them but you do have to look! Also known as “God-winks” 🙂
Let’s see…one really joyful thing this week is my future nephew-in-law texted to see if we could join them for a surprise dinner the night after he proposes to my extra-special niece. Of course we’ll be there to celebrate! So very thankful for a niece (and nephew) who include us in all the things of their lives.
I hope you get to fly “home” to see your sweet mama soon!
Suzanne,
Blessings in the burdens. I love that!
And how fun to be invited to such a special occasion with your niece and soon-to-be nephew. It truly is wonderful when the younger generation pull together all the generations to celebrate their joy.
Oh, those pics dancing around the campfire! They captured all that’s good in the world. So much poignancy in them.
So thankful there’s some good news on the health front for you both. Good news is good medicine!
Love you guys,
Deb
Deb,
Yes, that spontaneous dancing was such a sweet moment. I will remember it always.
So glad to hear your health is holding steady. I see so many out in this old world hurting and sick every day and I have to stop and thank God for giving me health good enough to do things I love doing. Some don’t have and may never have that privilege until they get to Heaven. My hubby is having foot surgery on May 6th, so we are trying to get things done before that because he will be down several weeks. We are going to the funeral home tonight because of of our dearest, long time friends, mother passed away.
I enjoyed the pics of the kids relaxing and having fun after the grieving. I think that our loved ones would want us all to do that after they pass….because we all know we will be together again one day for eternity.
Have a blessed week.
Kaye,
Yes, I am definitely thankful for the health I have. It’s not perfect but, as you said, it’s enough to do the things I love. I hope your husband’s surgery goes well.
I know you will both be glad to have that over with.
Challenge was having my hubby sick with fevers, no covid, and having to stay home on Easter. Joy was having a belated Easter with the 2 younger grandsons this weekend. Love all your backyard dancing by the fire. Have not tried nutella or raspberries on s’mores but will have to try. My gourmet s’more was cream cheese and grilled pineapple in place of marshmallow and chocolate. It was tasty. I remember a lot of laughter in times of grief as we remembered stories of the past.
Patti,
Oh, I’m sorry you guys had to stay home on Easter. Thankful for no Covid, though!
Hmmm. Cream cheese and grilled pineapple sound interesting, indeed. I think the list of things that could go on a s’more is endless!
Glad you got to spend that special time with two of your grands. Oh, the memories!
About the photo of Sarah in the rocking chair with Gage behind it…I suspect there is more than just raspberries responsible for her smile. 😉
Greta,
Hmmm. I wonder what else it could be? 🙂
Ken and Vernie probably loved watching every minute of that special family time together! We are nearing the end of the second phase of our travels. So thankful we have been able travel in our retirement. We had just over 2000 miles from Florida to Arizona in Phase 1 and will have another 2000 by the time we arrive in Indiana tonight. Very thankful that we are seeing green grass again and water in the streams/rivers/creeks which was not the case in Texas, Arizona and New Mexico. Especially thankful to hear your positive health updates! Ginny
Ginny,
Yes, if the two of them were still alive they would have been right there in the middle of that dancing, probably jitter-bugging.
I can only imagine how wonderful it is to see green grass again and plenty of water. It is truly a treasure for the eyes.
Safe journeys!