Being a pastor’s wife is not for the faint of heart.
While it is a wonderful calling that brings me much joy, the responsibilities of it are downright sobering.
Take this week, for instance.
In the space of three days, I was involved in three separate counseling sessions involving serious challenges in marriages. As Steve and I were heading into the third session last night I said to him, “You know, it’s really a huge responsibility to be counseling a married couple. There is so much at stake— two people who are hurting, their children, the whole future of a marriage.
Steve’s and my words have to be weighed so carefully, we have to think hard and pray harder and hope that something we say sheds light on dark places.
And the responsibilities of ministry don’t end with marriage counseling.
Very early this morning we got word that the husband of a long time church member passed away. Billy Brown was a NC History teacher in Manteo for many years and was also an artist and an author; he was well-known, well-admired and well-loved.
In a couple of minutes, Steve and I will go to visit Billy’s new widow, our sweet friend, Linda. Then we will spend the next several days fulfilling our roles as comforters and as tender shepherds to hurting sheep. I consider this to be one of the greatest honors of ministry—being invited into people’s pain and, along with Steve, getting the chance to pour out our prayers, our hugs, and our tears.
And I love what I do. It is an incredible privilege.
But it is sobering. And sometimes it’s scary. And often, I don’t know what to say, don’t know what to pray, don’t know what to do. Sometimes the problems seem too big, and the heartache seems too overwhelming, and my words seem so small in the face of it all.
It seems that I come to the end of myself and my own resources pretty often. And when my wisdom and my words run out, that’s when God’s wisdom and words come through. That is when I see the light of understanding come on behind eyes that were once clouded and confused. When I pray for someone, even out of my own lack of words, I find that I can hear God’s heart coming through my prayers.
And I am comforted to remember that it’s not all about me, it’s not all about Steve—we don’t need to have all the answers. We are here as conduits of God’s grace and God’s healing.
So this morning, I sit in my peaceful place and look ahead to the challenges of the coming days as we help a family lay a beloved member to rest.
I look back at the past few days and pray for those couples who just needed someone to listen to their worries, their hurts, and their questions.
And I look up to my Source of peace and my Source of wisdom.
I’m so thankful I get to be a pastor’s wife. And I’m even more thankful I don’t have to do it on my own.
Kristina,
Nothing wrong with questions and doubts; I have them myself sometimes! I guess I feel like if you don’t question things occasionally, you’re not thinking.
Glad that my pastor’s wife-ing has been an inspiration to you; I’m doing my best! 🙂
I always stress over commenting on your more religious-centric posts. I almost always want to, and rarely ever do (or if I do, I err towards a ‘safer’ topic). Faith is fascinating to me, particularly in a family like yours, where faith is so clearly the focal point of everything your lives encompass. But no matter how tolerant, my questions and doubts don’t seem appropriate for this platform that isn’t mine. So I just wanted to say that even though I don’t understand it and can’t relate, I find it inspiring that you take your role as a pastor’s wife so seriously. It’s obvious that you make a tremendous difference in many peoples’ lives.
Beautiful…. priceless… and precious post! You are a very wonderful family! Thank God for Pastors and their families. 🙂
Becky, do you know what happened to Sherri Hawley’s blog? Is she a dentist now??? Thanks for the help!
Judy
Judy, that’s a good question. One of my other readers had mentioned her blog to me, as well. It looks like it has been taken over by generic ads (dental and otherwise), for whatever reason. Hopefully she can get the tech bugs figured out soon–I miss it!
And include Nathan and Sarah in that, too!
Thank you for the insight, Becky. I have been blessed to not only have an incredible Pastor/Pastor’s Wife at my home church, but God, for whatever His reasoning (and I feel honored & humbled by it), has blessed me with dear personal friends and their husbands who are pastors. You all have a very intense calling with what often seems the deepest valleys and the highest mountaintops not only for your own families, but for your flocks. Thank you and Steve for being steadfast, enduring and always looking up. You have ministered to me and mine for many years in CT and through this blog.
Guerrina, thanks for including Nathan and Sarah!
You’re right; the ministry is definitely an intense way of life because we are part of the joys and sorrows of such a large group of people. And when you love your congregation, you feel their happiness and pain as if it’s your own. Thank you for being a friend to the pastors and wives God has put in your life; pastors and spouses need all the good friends they can get because it can be a lonely profession.
Keep the large font, please. Wonderful post. 🙂
Judimarie, thanks for your encouraging note!
go BIG font!…easy reading! ..POWERFUL POST!
Anonymous, thanks so much!
My father is a retired deaconal minister who worked in the inner city for more than 30 years. He still preaches on occasion, and let’s just say that it is a true statement of my love for him to sit in a 100 degree unairconditioned church in the middle of July because he is the guest preacher while the main pastor is on holidays! Being directly involved in ministry definitely isn’t for the faint of heart, but I am glad that my dad did/does the work that he did/does. As a child, I grew up knowing that life wasn’t all sunshine and lollipops, but that being said, that there was plenty even a young girl could do to help out with it. When I hit grade seven at my private christian jr high and high school, I was amazed at the sheltered life that so many of my friends and classmates had led…
The only time I can remember being upset with my dad for being a minister is when I was about 13 or 14 and he decided to use me in a sermon for the Youth Council retreat WITHOUT my permission!
Music Girl, yes, that is a pretty big statement of love to listen to a sermon in 100 degree heat! Your dad sounds like a wonderful man who has taught you some great life lessons.
And I agree a child or spouse shouldn’t be used as an illustration without permission but occasionally, even the best pastor/speaker slips us! At least it doesn’t sound like he’s done it since then! 🙂
Becky, you and Steve pastor here also. I know that personally. Just as God has shown you in the past that sometimes it is not the words or even the prayers that help, it is the presence of someone who cares and is willing and ready to be “there” when many times no one else has the strength. Praying especially fervent for you and Steve. God will see you through.
Mary, what a sweet thing to say, that Steve and I “pastor there” as well. That line has stuck with me all day.
I am not a pastor’s wife, but am a PK (preacher’s kid). I know my mom (who passed away in 2011 at age 91) worked along side my dad in praying, with and for others. Tears of joy and sadness, but she enjoyed the task the Lord gave her. She is missed. Thanks Becky for helping me remember her life as a pastor’s wife.
Sharyn, God bless PK’s! And God bless your sweet mom for all the years she worked along side your dad; I know they were both an inspiration to you.
Becky, this was an incredibly encouraging post for me. Thank you for taking time out of your busy day full of heavy responsibilities to write it. I’m not a pastor’s wife but your words really resonate with me. Our family has had some huge challenges over the years and especially this past week I have really felt like it is by God’s strength that we keep on going. Thanks for the encouragement!
The font appears normal on my cell phone.
Jenna, You summed it up in a nutshell, “It is by God’s strength that we keep on going.” So glad you are feeling His strength today and also that this blog has encouraged you along your way.
I like the big font!!! I am so glad that there are so many Godly pastors and wives to help the rest of us along the way
Sharon, I know I have been helped many, many times by a pastor and/or his wife (especially during Sarah’s treatment) so I join you in being thankful!
What a precious post. I am so thankful for pastors and their wives. One of my dearest friends is a pastor’s wife. It is a huge and often times lonely responsibility. I will pray for you today.
Nonny, thank you for your prayers. Since you have a close friend who is a pastor’s wife, I know you have a little better understanding of all that goes on in that calling; she is blessed to have you in her life to pray for her and encourage her.