Before I get into today’s post, I wanted to remember to share a photo of one of my blog readers who visited our church recently. What a delight it was to meet Gloria Smith in person after reading so many of her comments. I’ve had several blog readers visit church over the years and it’s been so fun to meet each one of them. Thanks for coming, Gloria!
And here are a couple of photos of some people you may recognize. It’s been too long since I featured my dear Floridian Smiths with the cousins, siblings, and Meagan’s parents.
If someone would just move Florida closer to North Carolina, I’d be a happy woman!
(I may have already posted this a while ago, but if so, just enjoy it all over again!)
Steve and I got here last night and we will stay a couple of days, starting the process of cleaning out and sorting.
I got just a tad overwhelmed when we first arrived last evening. After an early get-up, worship team rehearsal, service, lunch, packing, and a 7-hour drive, I was tired on levels I didn’t even know existed.
I walked through the house and saw all the memories, and thought about all the work ahead, and I started to get pretty overwhelmed and teary. I’m still grieving Mom’s passing and then coming back here, there are so many memories of Ken and Vernie everywhere and a whole houseful of items that need to be dealt with.
I have to say that sitting by the bedside of two beloved, dying mothers in the space of ten weeks has not been easy. And my heart is getting ready for yet another blow because we will have to put our little sweet Summer to sleep soon. (Her 15th birthday is today.)
She is blind, deaf, has arthritis, a collapsed trachea, and a serious kidney disease. She’s on five meds and not in any pain, but most of her days are spent either sleeping or wandering around the house bumping into walls.
I was sitting in my writing chair recently when she came in and started her routine of taking a few steps, bumping into something, and then repeating the process again.
She finally discovered a pair of my fuzzy socks lying which stopped her in her tracks. She didn’t mind feet smell as long as it reminded her that her mama was near.
The next thing I knew, she had nuzzled her nose into the socks and gone off to sleep. I could just feel the waves of comfort and contentment emanating from her petite body. For those few moments at least, she knew where she was, who she belonged to, and that a person who loved her was nearby.
I could certainly relate to Summer’s sense of utter contentment and peace; it’s the same feeling I get when I drive the backroads of Wisconsin. My body, mind, and spirit just emit one big, “Ahhhhhh.”
And with that in mind, here are a few photos from my hours of wanderings two weeks ago, including a few from Ruth and Debbie’s house.
I have some more lighthearted photos/stories to share from Wisconsin, including great shots from some family members, but those will wait for another day.
In the meantime, we’ve got a full day ahead–packing up memories and making way for new ones to be made.
What about you? What’s been going on in your life this summer? Challenges? Joys?
Do you have any good tips for cleaning out a parent’s house? And also, how to stay sane during the process?
Oh, my goodness, the cleaning out…. My family has always been one of practicality. My father asked me to start going through my grandmother’s things the day after she died. And when my grandfather died, my mom’s family decided (since we were all from out of state) to get through everything in his apartment over the course of the next three days. I… wouldn’t recommend that approach. It’s good that you waited until after Vernie was gone a while, though I’m sorry the time came so close to your own mother’s passing.
My summer has been consumed with continuing to turn my apartment into a home, as well as a lot of music. I sing in a local chorus and we’ve had 2 concerts in the last 2 months! I’m grateful for a little break now, but I know I’ll eager to get back to it come September 8th!
Kristina,
I’m so glad you are not only using your voice to bring joy to others but are also enjoying it. There are few things more fulfilling than singing in a choir.
Becky, I’m so sorry to hear about Summer. It is so sad when we lose them. I’m still not over losing my last pup in 2016 (15 year old shepherd mix, 60#). I still miss her so much and to make it even worse, in less than a week we lost our 2 year old vision impaired cat who the vet figured had an underlying problem when we adopted him in 2014. it may have worked out best for him as he had attached himself to our pup from day one. Just couldn’t bring myself to get another pup but we do have two cats who are precious.
Clearing out my parents house wasn’t too awful as they had built a new house that I only lived in for about two years before getting married, so it wasn’t really like the house I grew up in.
Be kind to yourself and take a much needed break if you can after all the stress and sadness. Prayers!
Kari,
Losing two animals within a week of each other is a tough, tough thing.
I love the mental picture I get of your adopted cat getting along so well with your big dog. I’m sure the two of them must have given you many laughs over their antics. 🙂
Thank you for the encouragement to take a break in the midst of this stressful season. Sometimes just a few minutes to rest the body and clear the mind make such a big difference.
Oh the cleaning out is so tough. You have had a rough road lately so it’s no wonder you got overwhelmed and emotional. Thank goodness for siblings and the extra help and input/ideas. That should make it easier for everyone.
Happy 15th birthday sweet Summer. You’re still as adorable as ever and I love that you found a sock to snuggle with. You have brought so much joy to your humans who love you.❤️
Lee Anne,
Summer and her Sock. It sounds like a children’s book!
We got a lot done over the past few days, although there is plenty more to do. Got some rest and I feel better. 🙂
Beautiful pictures, as usual. Wow, your cup truly runneth over. I can certainly understand why you should be so tired and your body telling you in not so many words – Yep, you’re overwhelmed. This was about 10 years ago when my husband and I joined several others in working in New Orleans during one of the horrible hurricanes (for one week), I had been up every morning helping make breakfast so we could leave and start working on houses. One day we got to this house, had worked on it for about 3 hours (doing sheet rock) and went to pick up the gun and inside it said, “Oh, no you’re not.” My body was letting me know I needed to rest for a while. So I think your body is talking to you too. Pray you will get a chance to rest and really relax. So sorry about Summer, what a precious dog she has been to the family. Just her being around makes all the difference.
Sharyn,
I can only imagine how exhausted you were at that point in the week; thankful you listened to your body. And I am doing my best to do that; I actually lay down for a 45-minute nap yesterday before popping back up and hitting it running again. We’ve gotten a LOT done; just Steve and I working steadily all through the day. Headed home this morning.
Yes, we are going to miss sweet Summer. She has been such a soothing, therapeutic presence in our lives.
So many emotions for you and Steve.
Packing up all the memories will be hard. When we packed up my in-laws house of 45+ years, it was draining and filled with so much love and laughter as we went through “all the things”. And then we all promptly said we’d purge our own homes before we passed away. LOL. I don’t think any of us has done so but I’m getting ready to start moving stuff out of our house since we are relocating our youngest son 16 hours from home and there will no long be “children” in our house. Empty nesting is going to be such a learning experience for us.
I’m so sorry to hear about Summer. She’s such a sweet, cute doggo!
Sending hugs and prayers as you travel this road!
Suzanne,
Oh yes, I have said that 100 times to myself this week. Purge, purge, purge! My dearest mother-in-law kept every card and every calendar from the past half-century. 🙂
Once the initial adjustment is over, you will enjoy your empty nest. And with your son gone, you might have a little more time and mental bandwidth to actually do some purging! I love doing it.
Our summer has been pretty uneventful and that is fine. I remember when my siblings and I cleared out our parents home. 55 years of collected memories in that home. It took us months to get it cleared and ready for sale. I often wonder where some of it ended up. It is never easy to let things go, but as my mom said at one point, “it’s gone, it is just gone…” No matter where the tings go, the memories will remain. Prayers as you go thru and pack it up and let some things go. Prayers for you as you will bid Summer a farewell soon as well. I never had a pet so dear, but I can only imagine how difficult it must be.
Patti,
We took 6 trash bags of items to the thrift store yesterday and it is definitely a weird feeling to think of items that Ken and Vernie used all those years being given away. But I have to remember that those items will continue to do good and help other people. And if there was anything Steve’s parents loved, it was helping others.
Thank you for your sweet words about Summer.
My heart hurts for you all. Praying for peace and comfort that only our Heavenly Father can give. I have heard how people will go through and pick out just stuff they need or want to keep after a loved one passes and then have an open house/inside sale and let people come in and go through and buy what they want. Just a suggestion. I know that has to be hard. Blessings to you all….
Kaye,
Yes, we are doing a form of that plan; picking out our favorite items and donating the rest to charity. Ken and Vernie would be glad to know that their belongings are going on to help other people.
Thank you for your sweet words and prayers.
I lost my parents within nine months from Dec. 2018 to September of 2019. The process was grueling. My parents were divorced and my dad was remarried. His wife is still alive. But my mom came to live with me for the last 13 months of her life. I had to return to her home to pack and sell it. I had to keep reminding myself of what I would have done if she were still alive. The tendency to want to save everything is so strong after she was gone. I had to keep reminding myself that it was okay to throw away the used Kleenex I found in her favorite chair. 🙃 it’s hard. I’m praying for you as you sort through a lifetime of love and memories.
Lisa,
The used Kleenex line made me laugh! But that is so true, isn’t it? After a parent passes, everything seems so extra, extra special.
It’s tough to lose both parents in less than a year. The whole world shifts when one parent dies; when two die . . . well, there are no words Hugs.
My prayers are with you regarding sweet ‘Summer’. I know how hard it is to say good bye to our much loved animals. One of the saddest days of my life was having to say good bye to my friend of 14 years, ‘Jimmy’ a buff color tabby cat. I adopted him in 2000 from an animal rescue society here in Asheville. He traveled with me (in a carrier) on many trips to Lake Gaston in eastern NC to visit my Dad. Cherished memories of days gone by. Prayers for you and Pastor Steve working through the clean out process at Vernie’s house.
Gloria,
Those animals of ours become such an important part of our lives. And when they have to leave us, well, a part of us will never be the same. I love my Summer!
Thanks for the prayers during this up and down time of life.
It’s a super sad task, sorting through memories, but keep in mind, “It’s just stuff.” I’ve learned from experience that keeping something because it was special to the person that passed only creates clutter and stress for you. If it has meaning to you personally, that is a different story. Peace be with you during this time.
Kristy,
A good combination of words, “Clutter and stress.” It is so true that clutter creates stress and it IS just stuff. We are just trying to limit ourselves to choosing a few very extra special things and letting all the rest of it go. Not an easy task!
Oh Becky, I can’t imagine losing beloved moms that close together. My summer so far has been full of challenges, I am dealing with a severely depressed son who lives in Kansas while I live in North Carolina so I have been back and forth numerous times, and am praying he finds peace at some point…..cleaning out a parent’s house is just so bittersweet, my sister and I did it after our Mom passed in 2009, we cried and laughed all through it, cried at knowing she was gone and would not be back in the house and laughed when we came across some hysterical thing she had saved or worn……or a memory popped up…..on the final day, we went through each room and said good-bye, it had been a very happy house, filled with love and laughter ,a home that all 4 grandchildren were also able to visit and love…..whenever I am back in NJ, I drive by and still tear up remembering those good times…..
I didn’t mean to skip over Summer, just so many things going on in your lives right now…..our beloved Kasie was going through the same conditions right before her 15th birthday, she was like my third child and I was so reluctant to let her go, but like you are realizing, it is the kindest thing you can do for them….I was in Kansas City visiting my kids and she was with me and we were lucky enough to be able to let her go at the vet that had known her her whole life….I held her tight, kissed her, cried my eyes out but it was the right time….
Dale,
Yes, knowing the right time is tough, especially like with Summer who is not in a whole lot of pain, beyond arthritic stuff. It’s just the pitifulness of watching her wander around all day, not knowing where she is, and her slow, laborious movements getting up and down the stairs.
I’m glad you got to say your goodbyes at a vet your family has known well; that brings a measure of comfort. I can only imagine how you cried; with love in every tear.
Dale,
Isn’t it amazing how a structure of brick or wood can evoke so many memories and even tears, years after leaving it? But it’s like what you said going to each room and saying goodbye; each of those rooms holds so many stories, so many emotions, and those are the things we take with us when we lock the door behind us for the last time.
I am so sorry your son is dealing with this incredibly difficult challenge and, as a mother, I know you feel his pain right along with him. It makes it especially hard that you do not live close by. I will pray for you both today. Many, many hugs.
Thank you Becky.
Oh Becky, I continue to lift you up in my daily prayers. Our dog, who is 14 is also deaf and blind and continually paces, especially at night for the same reasons. She isn’t in pain and on no medications, but is losing weight and now starting to have some blood in her urine. It is so difficult. Hang in there, I hope you feel our prayers!
Marjie,
Yes, once our dogs get elderly, so many health-related things start to pop up and you start to know the end is coming. I think the hardest thing is the grief you start to feel even before the end comes; looking ahead to the day when that beloved pet will no longer greet you first thing in the morning.
Many hugs to you as you walk this road.
Becky,
What a lot of memories to wade through, and to top that off with the thought of losing Summer! Know my thoughts are with you after an exceedingly difficult few months. I hope you get some well needed rest.
We are having a strange summer here in St. Cloud, lots of rain and cooler than normal weather. Can’t say I am unhappy about that! Hopefully this weather will continue.
My Mom is mostly settled in after her move and is loving her new house. She is crazy about all the birds and the golfers in her backyard! I think she packed things she is sorry about now, but my sister will donate things she no longer wants or needs. I am so relieved her move went so well. Now she just needs to get a few things done and then she will adopt a kitten. Thank goodness she has given up driving, as she would get hopelessly lost.
Cindy,
So glad your mom is loving her new place. With birds and golfers in her backyard, she will never lack entertainment. My mom loved watching the birds although there weren’t a lot of golfers in her neighborhood. 🙂
It’s a happy thought that she will be getting a kitten soon; the ultimate in good entertainment!
Remember to give yourself Grace as you face the task of going through Ken & Vernie’s home. Those memories were build over many years, and I hope you find many treasures as you complete this labor of love. ( I can’t even imagine how long it will take us when the time comes. I moved into the house where my step mother now lives almost 55 years ago so it is full of treasures) Prayers for all of you as Summer spends her final days with you before cross the Rainbow Bridge. I always enjoy your photos…the Florida little Smiths are growing so much and are so adorable. And I could feel the serenity in your Wisconsin photos. Sending you love, hugs and prayers this week.
Sue Ellen,
Fifty-five years is a long time to collect treasures and memories!
I love how you call the process “a labor of love.” That is a really good way to look at it.
Thanks for the sweet words about Summer’s passing; we just have to set a date now and keep putting it off because we just can’t bring ourselves to do it.
I can certainly feel your pain about going through Ken and Vernie’s house having gone through the same thing last fall with my parents house. They were still living just not in that house any more. My mother was a bit of a hang on to things type of person. Not a hoarder but there were things I found that I would have gotten rid of several years ago myself. My dad will be 96 next month, I found a letter one of his teachers had written him as well as grade cards from elementary school. There was also a pair of white high heel boots that my mom said were her mother’s wedding shoes. They got married in 1919. I had to get a dumpster to dispose of a lot of things.
I hired an estate sale person to sell the things we felt were worth selling that none of the kids or grandkids wanted. While we paid them 50% of sales, it was well worth it to not have to price, display and run the sale myself.
My advice, take time to think about the memories things evoke. Don’t think it all has to be done in one trip. I think I spent at least 5 weeks getting their house ready for an estate sale then another day getting the house ready to sell. Steve is handier than me so he can probably fix things that might need fixing around the house. We sold the house as is.
Last week I finally mailed out all the pictures I had sorted for several people. I have gotten many Facebook messages, texts, emails, etc from people I sent pictures to. One cousin told me today I had sent her pictures she had never seen. This has taken many months to accomplish.
So sorry to hear about Summer too. You’ve been through a lot in a short amount of time.
Phyllis,
You were so thoughtful to send out photos to people that you found during your cleaning out. What a treasure and a surprise for those people to receive those. I know I sure would love to receive an out-of-the-blue photo!
I can’t imagine what a huge sense of relief you must have felt when you were completely through with the job. Kudos to you for a task well done.
A lot has happened in your life in 10 weeks. A lot has also happened in mine. My 2nd granddaughter was born during that time! Reading your stories about life and death reminds me that it comes full circle. In death there is life. We just need to rejoice in both. Saints have received their reward of eternal life and also new life is born. I’ll send you a precious pic of our new little life.
Alisa,
A second granddaughter. What a joy!
And you are so right about life and death coming full circle. While we are in the season following two deaths, you are in the season following a wonderful new birth. Congrats again.
Oh Becky, I know some of how you feel. Going through clearing Lloyd and Gwen’s home last year and those memories was overwhelming at the same time we were preparing to sell our home. It’s great that you will have that help coming. The emotions are as exhausting as the physical labor of going through those things! Take care of yourself! Also very sorry about sweet Summer. We had to make that hard decision about our 14 yo Tessa in January and then our 15 yo Mattie on June 1. Since Mattie passed while we were in Tennessee, we asked that her ashes be mailed to my sister in PA. We arrived here this past Sunday and one of the first things I wanted was to open that package. I was instantly overcome by emotion as I saw that precious little wooden box with her name engraved and a sweet note from those that had prepared her remains. Our life has changed significantly without them and I still find myself checking to make sure Mattie is not hiding under the recliner before I put down my feet or that she isn’t under the table when I move a chair. We do know they are in a better place free of pain. Take care, so sorry for all your recent loss. We are thinking about you guys.
Ginny,
I can’t imagine losing two precious little dogs within 6 months. Sadness upon sadness.
I had to smile over your comment about the recliner; I do the same thing with Summer to make sure she isn’t under the footrest.
Since I have been to Lloyd and Gwen’s many times, I have a good visual picture of all that you and Kenny had to deal with in cleaning out. They were such a precious couple; we loved them dearly.
Happy trails!
Oh, Becky, what a lot you have on your already full plate! Taking care of yourself is so very critical when so much stress has and is going on in your life. Hopefully, other family members can help with dismantling the home full of memories. I know there are services who will take on the clearing out, selling, etc. after what the family wants has been removed from the house. These services are worth their weight in gold! I hope you take advantage of one.
My heart breaks at the thought of you losing Summer on top of all you have been through. You are in my prayers.
Liz,
We’ve looked into those services a little bit but are going to try and do it on our own to save money. We’ll see how it goes and how overwhelmed we get!
Thank you for your prayers for us and sweet Summer. It’s just a matter now of making the appointment which we can’t seem to bring ourselves to do.