Steve and I were asleep when his mom knocked on the bedroom door.
She said, “Hospice called. It’s getting close. We need to go.”
It was Thursday, July 23rd.
We had rushed to Charlotte the day before and had visited Ken as soon as we’d arrived. When Steve went in, he took his guitar and used his dad’s Bible to read several portions of Scripture out loud. Even though Ken was not conscious, Steve wanted to sure his last hours were filled with singing and Scripture.
When my turn came, I saw the Bible Steve had used and was struck by the beauty of Ken’s full-of-years hands lying next to the book that had accompanied him through all of those years. So thankful for those quiet moments of goodbye.
After our visits were done, Steve and I took Vernie back to the house to wait for the inevitable, inescapable phone call that the time of death was close at hand. (Steve had been hoping to be with his dad when he passed.)
The following morning at 4:45, the call came that the time was near. The three of us quickly got dressed and were about to leave the house when the phone rang again.
Steve answered. Ken was gone.
As soon as Steve hung up, he reached out to gather his dear mother in his arms. He prayed and cried with her and we all gave thanks that Ken was finally free of the painful, frailty of his body.
The three of us drove to the hospice in the predawn, trying to come to grips with the fact that he was gone.
I waited in the car as Steve and Vernie went in.
As I sat in the silence, I thought of all the people inside this building–those who were very near to death and those who had already crossed that threshold. I especially thought of those who were diligently caring for the feeble and the frail ones who depended on them for their every need.
Vernie told me later after she and Steve had said goodbye to the body that had housed the man they loved, she had said to him, “You will always have a piece of my heart.”
They shared such a beautiful love.
When my turn came, I sat by the bed and told him that Sarah, Nathan, Meagan, and the grandkids all said goodbye. While tears ran down my face, I thanked him for being an amazing father-in-law and for raising an incredible son.
And then suddenly, that incredible son was in the room with me. After Steve had taken his mom back out to the car, he’d come back in to gather up Ken’s belongings–his Bible, his handkerchiefs, his glasses, and his clothes. There is something so sobering and precious about gathering up the effects of a loved one.
After the most final of goodbyes, we drove with Vernie back to the house. As we got out of the car, I couldn’t help but notice the fresh beauty of the morning, the fresh beauty of Ken’s first day in heaven.
As the next two days passed, we spent our time doing all the necessary things. I helped with the obituary, got groceries and prepared meals while Steve made phone calls and went with Vernie to the funeral home. (We will have a graveside service for him in two weeks.)
Tippi, Ken’s beloved dog, made her way to Ken’s favorite chair and sat for a long time.
In the midst of all the things that needed to be done, we also spent some time telling stories about Ken. Many of the stories revolved around airplanes since he has loved them ever since he built planes out of lumber scraps as a young boy. The plane in his right hand is sitting in Vernie’s den right now–almost 80 years old.
When Ken was about 14 years old, a Piper Cub made an emergency landing in his family’s hayfield and remained there for several weeks. Almost every day, Ken would trek out to the plane, sit in the cockpit, and pretend he was the pilot.
After a couple more years had passed, he found a job retrieving lost golf balls at a golf course so that he could afford $5 flying lessons.
It was no surprise to anyone that his path led him to the United States Air Force where he did 24 cross-Atlantic flights and flew 181 missions in Vietnam.
Ken did a lot of things during his 23 years in the Air Force. He traveled the world. He flew at the speed of sound. He sacrificed for his country. He protected our freedoms, our children, and our grandchildren. And thankfully, he made it safely back home to the wife he loved and to his three sons.
I remember him telling me that one of his favorite memories from his Air Force career was piloting a single-seat jet over the ocean at night. He said it was an incredible feeling to be completely alone, suspended between the sea and the stars. And he said what was even more amazing was flying from the darkness into the light.
On July 24, Lt. Colonel Kenneth L. Smith got ready for one last flight.
With his eyes on the horizon, he flew through the night.
And then he kept on flying, forever and ever, into the light.
Here is his Obituary
My dad, Lt. Col. Kenneth L Smith (USAF retired) died peacefully this morning at around 5 a.m. at the age of 89.
Never could a son asked for a more decent, gracious, loving father than I’ve had. He faithfully loved my mother through 66 years of marriage. He passed along to me his love for God and people.
He was a bridge-builder, a champion of the underdog, and everyone’s cheerleader. Humble about his accomplishments and owning of his failures, he modeled Christian manhood for me. Dad loved me at my worst, during years of rebellion and addiction, and loved me at my best as well. Generous to a fault, he loved blessing others.
His are sizable shoes to fill as I imperfectly attempt to imitate his life well lived.
What about you?
What special stories do you remember surrounding the death of a spouse, parent, or other loved one?
My sympathy and condolences to Steve and yourself and family, including Vernie on the passing of Ken. From what you’ve written about visits with Ken and Vernie, he sounded like a wonderful and caring person, just like all of your family. Wow, he certainly accomplished a lot in his life, 181 flights in Vietnam alone! Again, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Kari,
Thanks for your condolences. The world seems a whole lot less bright without him in. We were blessed to have him in our lives for so long.
Our love, our prayers and our friendship is extended to the entire family. We greatly appreciated your tribute and the wonderful pictures. His hand and his bible is the greatest picture that could describe Ken.
Walter is remember things that he did with Ken when they were young. When we talked with Vernie the other day she said that Walter was Kens oldest living friend. We remember when Ken would Buzz over this parents home when he was in the area. Ken is one of those great Americans that we can Thank for our freedom today. He was an outstanding pilot, nobody knew about all his great flights he made for our freedom. I remember how worried and proud his mother was of her son the pilot.
Remember the times you would come to Center to sing after which we would have ice cream.
Take care and we pray that God will Bless you all at this difficult time, and may you all find peace knowing that Ken took his final flight through the clouds and is now in heaven.
Walt and Ginny
Ginny,
How wonderful to hear from someone who has known Ken for such a very long time! Yes, I certainly do remember coming to Center and getting ice cream. I will never forget those wonderful pretzel cones!
We so appreciate your words of comfort and also sharing some memories from back in the day. Stories and memories are such a comfort.
There is a Bebo Norman song with the line, “The finest moment man can measure is to look his savior in the eye.” Ken has had his finest moment. I was with my mother the moment she passed away after a relatively brief illness. I can say from experience that one of the other finest moments is to usher someone to heaven while staying behind.
Kristy,
I love Bebo Norman and what a perfect lyric for the right now.
So glad you were able to be with your mom when she passed. I was with my dad and that is a moment you never forget.
Becky, Steve and family,
I am so sorry for your loss. The world lost a very special man and heaven gained a very special angel. No matter how prepared you think you are losing a loved one, especially a parent, is always so difficult and we are never truly ready to see them go. Becky’s blog, Steve’s Facebook post, and Ken’s obituary are all wonderful tributes to Ken. Thank you for sharing them and letting us all get to know this fine man a little better. That he was a very loved and loving man is obvious in so many ways. Those we love are never really gone, their spirit is always with us. May you all find peace through the special memories you’ve created and the love you’ve shared through the years. My prayers are with you.
Love, hugs and peace,
Linda in Pittsburgh
Linda,
So true that we are never ready to see a loved one go. Still can’t quite believe he is gone.
Thanks for taking the time to read the various things we posted about Ken and for appreciating, along with us, the great man he was.
Blessings to you today.
Becky, I know I always say, “This is your best blog ever.”, and I think this one truly is. I could not read it without tears in my eyes. Ken was a hero in so many ways and raised a son like himself. You photos in this blog were so moving! Don’t be surprised that my favorite was Tippy sitting in Ken’s chair. The look in his eyes that you captured says it all. He knows, but he doesn’t understand… and we can’t explain it to him. Love from Fred & Lucy to you and your family.
Fred,
Yes, Tippi was a dog who loved her master. Vernie was saying she seemed kind of sad and depressed the week Ken died. You never know what dogs can sense.
And now she is staying busy being a faithful companion to Vernie. Aren’t animals wonderful?
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I can tell he was very loved and will be greatly missed. Many prayers for you all.
Becky, thanks so much for your words and your prayers. We appreciate you so much!
So sorry to hear that you lost him.
Melissa,
Thank you. It’s still a little hard to believe he’s gone.
I’m so sorry. Prayers for peace.
Thank you, Vickie.
Peace is such a wonderful gift.
Your family is in my thoughts and prayers during this time.
Thanks so very much, Nicole.
So sorry for your family’s loss. Ken lived a good life and you will see him again. Prayers for all the family. I’m thinking that he passed on Nathan and Meagan’s anniversary.
Phyllis,
You have a good memory. He did pass on their anniversary. At first, they were a little bit sad about that but then they said, “Our anniversary will always be a reminder of the legacy he left for us of a long, strong marriage.”
They were married on my birthday, easy to remember. 😃
Phyllis
Oh, that’s right!
So sorry for your loss. No matter that we know the time is coming for them to go to their heavenly home, its still so hard when it happens. So glad you all were able to say your goodbyes to him. I love the picture of his hands with the Bible. What a beautiful tribute for him. May God wrap His arms of comfort around Vernie and you all.
Wendy,
Elderly hands next to a Bible. Doesn’t get more lovely or meaningful than that! Thank you for your compassionate words.
We knew this was coming, but it’s still tough to see. I’m so very sorry for you all; you’ve lost an incredible man. However, what a great day he had arriving in Heaven and sitting on the side of our Lord. This verse comes to mind: :Matthew 25:21 His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord.”
I remember when we were waiting for my Mom’s passing. For some reason, they called me and not my Dad when she did pass. Like you, we wanted to be there when she was getting close, but she went quickly. Like Ken she passed in the wee hours of the morning (around 3:30am). It’s a time in my life that I won’t forget.
I am praying for you all during this time. But I’m glad you all have each other…and memories.
Krista,
Yes, the memories we have from all of his years on earth will definitely comfort us for a long time to come. Thankful for those. And thankful for your reminder of the encouragement of scripture.
So sorry you lost your mom. You said it perfectly when you wrote “it’s a time in my life that I won’t forget.” So true.
What a beautiful tribute to a man who was so very loved. This is my first comment here (although I’m a long time reader) but I couldn’t let Ken’s passing go without expressing my deepest sympathies to all who loved him. What a blessing to love and have been loved by him. Sending prayers of comfort and peace.
Suzanne,
Thank you so much for taking the time to leave a comment; it’s wonderful to meet a long time reader.
Thanks too, for your words of comfort and your prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. What beautiful tributes you and Steve have written for a man so well-loved and respected. I know he will be missed.
Gayle,
Thank you for your words. Those tributes we wrote were such a small token of the love and respect we had for him. But yet writing them was therapeutic . . . putting our emotions into words.
Loved you and Steve’s words and the pictures commemorating the life of an amazing man. Ken lived well, loved well and was so loved in return.
Praying for God’s grace and peace for Vernie in these days. I can’t imagine the pain of being separated after so many years of living life together. So glad you could be there with her to help attend to so many things.
Our hearts are there with you all–sending much love, prayers!
Love, Deb
Deb,
Thanks for your always encouraging words to our family.
You are one of those who has known Ken and are aware of the kind of man he was.
As you said, it’s a tough thing for Vernie in that they have been separated over these past few months but true love can never be separated . . . and they definitely had that!
So sorry for your loss, but very happy that Ken is with the Lord and enjoying a pain free life. What a wonderful tribute to Ken. He has raised Steve well – it can be seen and heard in all he does for his family – how he treats and loves on you, Sarah, Nathan and his family. Lord be with each of you in the coming months.
Sharyn,
You’re so right that Ken raised Steve well. He taught him how to treat everyone well and to be kind and thoughtful. I am definitely a grateful recipient of that upbringing.
What a beautiful tribute to Ken. So sorry for your loss. I admire the grace with which you handle the passing of a loved one. Thank you for sharing a bit of his life story with us, what a full life he had. The obituary was outstanding, so full of personal details, the love for him shines right through. Hugs to all the Smith Family.
Lesley,
Thanks for noticing and commenting on the personal details in the obituary. He wrote a “rough draft” obituary a couple of years before he died and then Vernie and I spent a couple of hours updating it, revising, adding to it so that it reflected who he was. It was a privilege to be a part of that writing process.
Hi Becky and family,
My sincere condolences at the loss of such a wonderful and beloved man. I did not know that Ken was a pilot in the USAF and saw action. My uncle served as a pilot in WWII, was shot down, captured and was a POW, but survived. This was the poem we read at his funeral and may it be a tribute to Ken as well:
HIGH FLIGHT
“Oh, I have slipped the surly bonds of earth,
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I’ve climbed and joined the tumbling mirth of sun-split clouds –
and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of –
wheeled and soared and swung high in the sunlit silence.
Hovering there I’ve chased the shouting wind along
and flung my eager craft through footless halls of air.
“Up, up the long delirious burning blue
I’ve topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace,
where never lark, or even eagle, flew;
and, while with silent, lifting mind I’ve trod
the high untrespassed sanctity of space,
put out my hand and touched the face of God.”
May he rest in peace and rise in glory – hugs to you all.
Anne,
We are definitely on the same page with that poem! I used a couple lines of it at the end of his obituary and Vernie also has it hanging on the wall of their den.
That author was only 19 when he wrote it and died in a plane crash just a few months afterward.
Some of the most glorious words ever written.
What a beautiful tribute to a godly and well-loved man. I loved Steve’s use of the word “decent” in his FB post. It’s not a word you hear much any more, but it connotes such a picture of a life well lived.
So sorry for your loss. I’m praying for Vernie, Steve and all of you who loved Ken. What a day of rejoicing that will be…
Jenny,
I agree. That IS a great word and sums up well what is so often missing in our world today.
Thank you so much for your prayers.
Even when you know it’s coming, it doesn’t prepare you for the pain of losing someone. My very deepest sympathy to all of you, especially Vernie. Praying for comfort, peace and strength in the days and weeks ahead.
What a beautifully written tribute to a very amazing man!
Lee Anne,
Thank you for the expression of your compassion and for your prayers for our family.
He truly was an amazing man.
I am so sorry for your family’s loss. A beautiful tribute to Ken.he sounds like an amazing man. You will all be in my thoughts and prayers.
Michele,
Thank you so much for your words and prayers for our family.
Tears started when I read the title of this post & haven’t quite stopped yet. I don’t know your family (but have been reading since your caringbridge days), so I hope that gives you a little hint of how many lives you touch, just through your blog. I am so sorry for your loss & will be keeping you all close to my heart
Emily,
I am touched by your tears for our family.
Thanks so much for the encouragement about this blog touching lives; sometimes, that’s easy to forget.
Blessings.
Beautifully written. Prayers for the family. After a pilot friend passed, his daughter would call up to any plane she saw flying over at night…hi dad.
Patti,
I love the “hi dad” idea. Steve already cranes his neck at any passing plane. If each one can remind him of his dad, all the better.
Prayers for your family – losing a loved one during this time seems so much more challenging. We unexpectedly lost my dad a month ago at 69. Trying to navigate a new normal for my mom without feeling guilt has been tough. Praying especially as you all navigate through that also.
Reagan,
I’m so sorry that you lost your dad. To lose a parent unexpectedly is a whole nother realm of stress and grief and, as you said, even more so during COVD.
And helping those who have been left behind is a special kind of challenge and privilege, as you know so well. Hugs to you.
So very sorry for loss. What a beautifully written tribute, one that shows a man who lived life well. May God comfort you during this time
Catherine,
Thank you for your words. Truly, Ken lived his life well. He will be missed.
Becky, what a beautifully written tribute to your father in law. You really encompassed who he was through your words and photos. I feel like I got to know how through what you shared. Your description of him shows how treasured and precious and loved he is to each of you.
I am so sorry he has passed and you are in a time of mourning. What a beautiful description of him flying through the darkness and into the light of Heaven. No more pain or suffering or difficult days, only light and love and peace.
I cried as I read this post. Grief has been a central theme of my 2020, having lost both my grandmothers this year. The first one to pass was my closest person after my husband and it has been a very very deep loss. The second one passed in June and I loved her very much. It has been a hard time.
I have also walked with my husband as he lost his father, 10 days after being diagnosed with cancer–less than a year after we had married. It was a very complicated situation with severe mental illness involved. I wish I had had back then the understanding, empathy, and gentleness then that I have gained as I grew older.
I am so glad Steve and his mom have you (and the rest of your family) to walk alongside them during the pain of this loss.
Sending each of you much love.
Jenna,
I have often wished the same thing as you mentioned–that I would have had my current levels of understanding and empathy in difficult situations when I was younger. But we do the best we can with what we have. I can’t even imagine how difficult it was to lose your husband’s dad as a newlywed, and with mental illness also in the picture.
I know you miss your grandmothers terribly. Grief is a long journey. Grace to you as you walk it.
Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat and in the hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go. —Jamie Anderson
When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure.
My thoughts and prayers are with each of you during this time.
Elizabeth,
I love that quote by Jamie; so very, very true.
Beautiful tribute. My heart is touched. Challenged. Thank you, Becky. Prayers for you and your family. ❤️
Cheryl,
Thank you so much, friend. Death is a part of life; tears are a part of love.
What beautifully written tributes to Ken – both by you AND Steve…my thoughts and prayers are with all of Ken’s loved ones during this time.
Sue Ellen,
Yes, I truly loved the words Steve wrote. So heartfelt; so true.
Such a good salute to his life and death–both beautiful in their own time. Thank the Lord he is home, to ever be with the Lord. Ruth
Ruth,
So true that life and death are both beautiful in their own time. Thank you for that reminder.
I am so sorry for the loss of such a remarkable gentleman. My prayers and thoughts are with all his family.
Cindy,
I know you have recently experienced loss of your own so you have a deep understanding of grief. He was a remarkable gentleman, indeed.
What a lovely tribute to an amazing man. He has left a legacy that will impact the Smith family for generations. Prayers and sympathy for your loss, but rejoicing as Ken steps into the light of eternity with his savior.
Linnae,
Yes, we will live in the light of that legacy for many years to come.
Hi Becky. So sorry for your loss. Praying for the family as they go threw this time of remembering a great man. Hugs to the family.
I’am orphaned now. I think about all the times I coulda shoulda woulda ‘s. You know to pick up the phone more, to visit more. Now that they are both gone I’m left with the pain of all the oulda’s. But then I remember all the times we laughed and cried and great talks. So I can be at peace with myself. I miss my parents and knowing at least 1 is in heaven helps. But it does sadden me about the other. Not knowing is hard. So be thankful yours is in heaven and be there for the other. Which I know you will be. Take care and God bless!!!
Catherine,
I’m sorry that the word orphan is a part of your life, a part of your experience.
And what you said is true; we all have regrets about things in our past. But I am trying to allow those regrets to be turned into challenges for right now–to pick up the phone, to reach out, to live life better than I did in the past.
When tears fall, and hearts are broken, God definitely enters the darkness with the light of His love. May heaven’s brightness surround Ken and his precious family.
Mrs. Pam,
Thank you for your compassion and your beautiful words.
Praying for your family today!
Thank you so much, Sandra.
I’m so very sorry.
Stefanie,
Thank you for that simple expression of compassion.