I sat on our front porch one early evening last week as a sense of grief and panic welled up–a mix of feelings I have started to refer to as granic.
Part of what contributed to those feelings was the realization that in just a few more days, I would never walk up the steps into this beloved house again. The longest I have ever lived somewhere before Manteo was four years so thirteen years makes the goodbye even more difficult.
You know how sometimes you go away on a vacation and in the back of your mind, you picture what it will feel like to walk back into your house at the end of your trip and how everything will be familiar and dear and welcoming?
Well, my granic attack came from imagining myself sitting in the Charlotte house and after a few days thinking that surely it must be about time to head back home to the familiarity and comfort of our Manteo abode.
But the place we have called home for thirteen years will no longer be ours. Another family will go up and down those stairs, make breakfast in that kitchen, and relax in that living room. It’s really been hard for me to wrap my mind around it all–hence the feeling of granic.
I will continue to enjoy the remaining days we have remaining in this house of memories.
We had a late birthday dinner for Sarah last Monday. I didn’t have a lot of decorations but I did manage to whip a few napkins into folds. (I do know other folds; it just seems like whenever I post on the blog, I am doing this fold!
We realized we had packed all of our paper and bows so Steve made do in the most “moving” way possible. Sarah was enchanted.
When I asked her what she wanted for her birthday meal she told me and then added, “I know you’ve got a lot going on. You don’t have to make a homemade dessert this year.” She is such a thoughtful and dear daughter.
I was cleaning out a particular area and ran across these plastic drawers. I know I’ve posted this photo in years past, but every time I see it, I am taken back almost twenty years to those days following her stem cell transplant. We had a whole pile of medical supplies in the apartment near Duke and this was my way of keeping them all straight.
I’m so thankful that we no longer need those things. (I must say that tape has sure had an impressively sticky life! It’ll probably still be there in another twenty years–and I’ll still be giving thanks.)
Here’s another photo I ran across while packing. I’ve posted this one before too, but just can’t keep myself from sharing it again. There are few things that make me actually laugh out loud, but this photo does it every time. The look on Sarah’s face absolutely slays me every time–especially when compared to Steve’s calm face in the back.
It is one of the priceless possessions of my life.
Last Friday, my pal, Greta, invited me to go with her to view the sunrise over the Atlantic. It was wonderful to visit my old friend, the ocean, and be reassured by its constancy in our world. I never have to worry that I’m going to round the corner and–poof!–the ocean will be gone.
It is just there, unchanged and unmoved in an unsteady world.
Friends by the sea.
I’m especially thankful for Greta because she is a packing guru. (I have given her the moniker of Box Boss.) When she appears in our house, magic happens. Boxes became filled up, cupboards become clear, shelves become clean–she is a veritable flurry of motion while all the while calmly chatting and acting as though she’s not accomplishing miracles at all.
Greta has also fully embraced the minimalist lifestyle, contentedly living in a 700-square-foot cottage. That means she is the perfect person to help me pare down the contents of my 2300-square-foot house. Under her patient tutelage, I have taken far more loads to the thrift store than I would have done on my own. I’m thankful for a friend who tells me I really don’t need three 9 x 13 casserole pans.
I woke up to this note last week. (Steve had left before dawn for a hospital visit in Norfolk.)
Reading the note, it occurred to me that simple thanks in relationships go a long way. His words, “Thanks for all you’re doing to prepare for the move” warmed my heart and made me feel like my efforts were noticed and appreciated.
By the way, if you ever get into a stressful season (moving houses or some other reason) I have found the greatest stress reliever ever: Play-Doh. It is fabulous therapy.
I was hanging out with a young friend last week and just had the best time rolling the dough and creating little designs. And it smells so great, taking me straight back to the simple days of grade school. What’s not to love?
I thought it would be fun to show you a collection of all of our recordings before packing them away for their journey to their new home. The majority of the songs on these albums are original and most of the projects were recorded in professional studios.
Please notice two things:
A couple of those people you see on the recordings are my sister, Debbie, and her husband, Randy. And guess what?
They are flying here Friday and staying a few days to help celebrate our last Sunday in full-time ministry. We are so excited! (Our last Sunday is the 11th but we will actually move on the 16th.)
I’m thankful for seasons, old and new, and for the clutter and craziness that will eventually sort itself out into a new chapter and a new place to love and to call home.
And I’m also thankful that when those bouts of granic come, I can think about Outer Banks sunrises, unchanging oceans, and God’s steady grace that paves our path with peace.
What about you?
How has the first week of your September been?
Do you have anything interesting coming up?
How many kids did you sent off to school this year? What grades?
I agree about play-doh…it is the best for relaxing!
I just have one kid…even though she is an adult, I still call her my kid. She actually teaches! So Tuesday, I sent her off to teach another year of second grade.
Nicole,
I know you’re proud of your daughter. I think teachers are incredibly, absolutely amazing people.
You have such a beautiful home that is filled with lots of happy memories. Leaving will definitely be tough. Praying for peace for you and that your grief is replaced with a new joy in your new home very soon!
I LOVE the photo of the 4 of you on the ride!! The look on Sarah’s face made me laugh out loud too!
I have 4 grandkids in school: they are in 4th, 3rd, 2nd and 2nd. We actually got to see them off this year as we were in town on that day. What fun!
Lee Anne,
I love that you got to be there for your grands first day of school. A precious memory for you and them, both. Are those grades all from the same family or were there cousins in there?
I am very eager to get to our new home and start nesting–even in the chaos, nesting brings me joy. Thank you for your sweet words.
I think you are definitely justified in your “granic”!
I love your pictures – both old and new – this week! Birthdays, sunrises, amusement park rides, friends and gratefulness…life lived beautifully!
September is busy for me…lots of fun things (football games, Alaskan cruise, etc), some stressful things (moving my mother, skin cancer surgery, did I mention moving my mother?), and so much to be grateful for in all of the living.
Praying for a wonderful week for the Smith family!
Suzanne,
I love your phrase, “Life lived beautifully.” Even in challenging times, beauty makes itself known.
I get the feeling moving your mother represents one of the bigger challenges in your year. That’s a big job but thankfully, there will come a day when it will be accomplished and you (and she) will have survived!
Enjoy that wonderful cruise. So many photo ops!
I have to say Steve did a great job with the wrapping of Sarah’s gifts with no wrapping paper available.
I don’t have any kids so didn’t send any off to school this year. My oldest niece started her second year of her masters in piano performance and pedagogy on August 22nd.
How nice that Debbie and Randy will be there for Steve’s final Sunday of preaching.
Nothing exciting coming up this week but a bunch of little things – dentist appointment, care plan team meeting at nursing home for my parents, special events at the nursing home Friday for Red Friday (KC Chiefs) and Sunday (Grandparents Day). Next week I think I’m free other than Monday counting offering so think I will take a trip to the outlet mall in Branson.
A simple thanks certainly does go a long way. Last week one of the ladies in my Sunday School class sent me a thank you card for stepping up in class to take some of the burden off our teacher. She is an elementary school principal so quite busy since school started again. The woman that sent the card also thanked me for being interested in her daughter who is 23 and has Down’s Syndrome. That simple card made my day.
Phyllis,
I love the story of the simple card you received. Even though it was a small thing, it’s one of those things that will stay with you for a long time–the warmth of being appreciated and having someone take the time to say so.
You sound like you are truly a blessing to all those around you.
13 years?? I can’t believe it’s been that long! I remember you trying to sell your last house! I must be a long time reader! I imagine if you put this Manteo home on the market, it will go quite fast, and to a wonderful family who will continue loving it as you have.
We moved two years ago from the east coast (10 years there), back to Ohio, to the area my husband and I grew up in, and where we raised our kids. While stressful, we moved back near family, and our aging parents. We needed to be here, and this is likely where we’ll stay the rest of our lives.
One of my favorite words is “onward.” I’m not one to dwell in the past, not that there’s anything wrong with that. Maybe I associate the past with the word regret, and I don’t like to dwell there, even though I don’t have any major regrets. I’m glad your sister and brother-in-law will visit you. Family is our foundation, if we’re lucky, and can carry us through. Also, I think you’re moving to a wonderful area!
My husband and I are leaving tomorrow on a trip out west to see the Grand Canyon, etc. I’ve never been. I feel “granic” just going on a 10 day vacation! I can only imagine your feelings. I remind myself that once I get going, on anything, all will be ok. It’s just that time leading up the the actual going that’s tough for me.
Hang in there Becky! Onward we go!
Ann,
Your comment was chockfull of encouragement and inspiration. Thank you for that!
Steve and I have been saying we’d love to go West and see the Grand Canyon and all the other wonderful things to be seen. As you said, once you finally get going, you will have a fabulous time. Prep can definitely be complicated and “granic-producing.”
Yes, we are hoping our house will sell quickly. There is not a lot on Roanoke Island in our price range so we’d love to get a bidding war started. One can always hope, right?
Okay, taking your word “onward” with me for the rest of this moving season–not looking back!
Dear Becky and Pastor Steve, I always enjoy reading “Smithellaneous”, but also feel a bit saddened this time that you are leaving the area. I look forward to keeping in touch via your blog and e-mail. ANYTIME you are in our neighborhood, please stop by for a cup of coffee made with actual filtered water. (It’s an inside joke… ask Steve.) Also, we have a beautiful new mailbox for the Longs to see. (Another inside joke… ask Sarah.) You will be in our thoughts and prayers as you continue to make progress towards your move to CLT. Wherever the Smiths are in the future, remember that we love you. Looking forward to seeing your photos in the blogs to come! Wishing you “peace and grace.” Love, Fred & Lucy
Fed and Lucy,
Well, you are just full of inside jokes! 🙂 I’m glad both Steve and Sarah had a chance to come for visits and that I got to meet you both in person, as well.
So thankful for the chance to keep in touch going forward through blog and emails. We have definitely been thankful for the joy of getting to know you guys through the years!
Oh, Beck, I can only imagine all the emotions swirling and the exhaustion and the prevailing feeling of being just a tad bit overwhelmed. ❤️ Granic is the perfect word.
I think it’s hard for us ladies especially to leave a home because it’s our nest, the place we feel secure and safe, the place we pour out our creativity to make it ours and where we cook and clean and care for our loved ones. Those walls hold our lives. It’s just so hard to close that door one last time and walk away.
But then you get to open the door to your new house and walk in! And the timeless and sacred process of making a house a home begins again.
Bless wonderful Greta for jumping in there and lending her time and skills to help you! A friend who will face down a mountain of moving boxes with you is a friend indeed! 🙂
I loved Steve’s thoughtful note to you and his creative wrapping of Sarah’s birthday gifts.
It was fun to see the whole collection of the recordings done over the years. Wow, what a time capsule! The years we spent on the road with you guys remain some of our most cherished.
And can I just say that picture of you four on the roller coaster made me laugh out loud! Absolutely priceless.
Can’t wait to see you guys on Friday! Yay!
Love, Deb
Deb,
Yes, this home is definitely my nest, and seeing it unfeathered and knowing I am going to another unfeathered nest is a wee bit disconcerting.But I am looking forward to the re-feathering process. Should be very fulfilling to put all the pieces together.
Those recordings are a time capsule, indeed. I keep looking at all those projects and being amazed by how long ago that all was–several lifetimes, at least! Good days.
Thanks for all your sweet, encouraging words. See you soon!
It’s not easy to roll with major changes as we get older, even wonderful ones, but you are doing a great job! Cant wait to see what you do with the ‘new to you house’ and looking forward to a glimpse into Sage’s new life as well.
Lesley,
Major changes. Getting older.
Yep. That sums it up, doesn’t it? 🙂
I also can’t wait to see what we do with the new house. We’ll just be surprised right along with you
Hugs to your sweet Sarah.
What absolutely stunning sunrise photos from the beach!! I remember when you moved to Manteo and you home and its setting has always seemed calming to me so I can only begin to imaging your granic at the thought of leaving it. But you’re moving on to such a special place – I hope that makes the leaving a little easier. You mentioned being old enough to have recorded an LP; one year of high school (I think sophomore year) our school recorded an audio year book in addition to the regular one, so I too am old enough to have recorded an LP. I’m so glad you have a packing guru to help you with the daunting task of packing and paring for your move. (And I was happy to see THE Birthday Hat was available for Sarah’s celebration!) I hope you’re able to find time to enjoy your last days being a permanent resident of the OBX.
Sue Ellen,
An audio yearbook? I never even knew there was such a thing. At any rate, I’m glad I’ve got an LP friend out there.
Hard to believe we are down to eight days of being full-timers out here on this little spot by the sea. Looking forward to new adventure ahead.
That roller coaster photo is killing me as well; Sarah looks like she’s about to murder someone in a fit of rage and Steve looks like he’s going to calmly and cheerfully watch her do it! Hilarious! Hope the move goes well; I’ve been in my house for 26 years now, swore I’d never move again when I bought this house because I hate moving so much!
Melissa,
That made me laugh about Sarah “in a fit of rage.” A look not seen on her face very often, that’s for sure. I’m actually giggling just thinking about the photo!
Twenty-six years is a good long while. Hoping right along with you that was your last move!
Totally understand that granic feeling! Glad you have such a great friend to help. I think I wore a couple of those cassettes/CDs out listening, Angel Footprints being one. I so enjoyed your gift of song writing and making music that was always a calming relief after a long day at work! Will be thinking of you guys as you go through what will undoubtably be a whirlwind of emotion over the next couple of weeks!
Ginny,
So glad to know you have enjoyed our music; always makes me happy to hear that.
Yes, the next few weeks will definitely be challenging ones. Can’t wait to see what the other side of them looks like.
I am experiencing granic this summer as well, my son is moving from Lawrence, KS to Wichita and I am here helping him pack, move and set up the new place, then I have to leave him and drive 1300 miles to Raleigh, I always cry half the way home. Then when I get to Raleigh, I have to start getting ready to put our beautiful house on the market and move to either Florida or NC, We’ve been in this house for 9 years which is the longest I have ever lived in one place as an adult…..we are downsizing so I am making tough decisions about what to keep and what to save…..on top of that, we will be leaving my daughter behind in Raleigh and that makes me cry every time I think about it…..this has been a very stressful, sad summer for me…..are you putting your Manteo house on the market? I have always loved that house and as a Jersey girl who spent most summers at the shore, I agree with you about the ocean, I could sit and stare at those waves for hours (and I have)! So glad your sister and brother in law are flying in, what a thoughtful thing to do….good luck with the move and I guess the next time we’ll hear from you will be from Charlotte….hugs.
Dale,
Yes, our house will go on the market in a couple of weeks. We have to get the floors refinished and that was easier to have done after we move out.
Reading through your brief description of what’s been going on, I’d agree that’s a lot of stress you’re dealing with. Driving away from a town with beloved children in the rearview mirror is always heart-shaking. I can so relate. And of course, I relate so well to downsizing and prepping for a move. Sometimes it can feel like it’s just all too much.
A few months from now you and I will both look back at all of this and we will have made it! Hugs to you today.
I totally understand that granic! I had it last year while we were packing our home to sell and buying another. I had never lived anywhere as long as that house. Every house before was about 3-4 years. That one was 12 1/2!! And my babies grew up in that house and would not be living in this one for more than a couple months. It was HARD!!!! I cried pretty hard the day we left. I love our new home and neighborhood. Especially since there are no stairs to hurt my bad knees. But I still miss the memories and the life of the old house. We built it from the ground up. Well, someone else built it, but we were there from the very start of the process! I still haven’t totally gotten my groove back yet.
I also have a roller coaster pic like yours where my Sarrah’s face is just the same as your Sarah’s. One of my faves ever!
I’m happy you & Steve are moving into Ken & Vernie’s house and that Sarah & Gage will be close by also! You’ve already got so many wonderful memories there and now you get to make so many more!! 💜
Lizz,
Isn’t it amazing how a house (just boards and nails and windows) can almost become part of the family? Houses give shelter to us and the people we love and I guess that is why they become so dear to us. I can imagine the tears will fall hard when we pull out next Firday.
I hope you are able to continue to adjust to your new place–it definitely takes time to find that groove again but it’s there!
The only “kid” I sent to school this year was me! I’ll be teaching my LAST year as a middle school ELA teacher. I’ll be celebrating a lot of lasts this year, but I’m ready and it’s time.
Lisa,
Thank you for being a teacher! You are my hero.
Enjoy your year of lasts and all that is to come.
September started out busy for us, which is unusual. A visit with a Amish friend and family, farmers market selling crafts, a trip to local car races-(with a delay for a flat tire, a good Samaritan to help, and roadside wildflowers to photograph while waiting), and a family gathering BBQ getting to see some grands and a great grand.
I understand your Granic moments and pray they are few. When my Husband preached his last sermon we left 3 days later and I left my home state of 53 years. Moving from CA to MI. I love living in MI.
So nice that your sister will be able to come to your last full time ministry service. When my husband had his last service his son was living in Switzerland. He had to fly to the states for a meeting so he arranged to fly in a day early and surprised his dad Sunday morning. It was such a treat for him.
Prayers for your move and for rapidly feeling at home there.
Patti,
I love the things you listed for the start of your September. Amish friends, crafts, good Samaritans, wildflowers, grands, and great-grands. Such happy words!
Oh, I can just imagine the surprise and joy when your husband’s son surprised him–especially since he lived so far away so that made the visit even more unexpected. I’m sure that’s a memory you all love to revisit.
Thank you for your prayers; looking forward to the feeling at home in Charlotte transition
I think “granic” is a perfectly reasonable feeling. We’ve had lots of “scited” (pronouced sky-tid) in our house this last week — scared and excited. Ellie started fourth grade and Baby Kate went to kindergarten. We’re trying to figure out our new routine with 2 kiddos in school.
I love Sarah’s face in that photo. I have a photo of our family from a Frozen ride at Disney and Kate and I both look terrified. It was the snow monster who is legitimately scary.
Enjoy your last week(s) in Manteo and the beautiful people who have loved you well during your time there. Safe travels to CLT when you finally make it this way. Look forward to welcoming you to your new city in the near future!
Courtney,
Scited is a great word and a perfect way to describe the emotions of the kids and parents during the back-to-school season.
I remember seeing Kate in her hospital bed; how can she possibly be going to kindergarten? Have loved your family photos on Facebook. So very dear.
We are looking forward to getting acquainted with our new city!