I just wanted to give you a quick update about what is going on right now.
Steve, Sarah, and I are in Charlotte because it looks as though Steve’s dad, Ken, is in his last days. He had a mild heart attack Tuesday, aspirated vomit into his lungs, and has been diagnosed with pneumonia.
I was initially hesitant about coming with Steve because of exposure to COVID-19 but then I realized that sometimes you just have to live your life and do what needs to be done. There was no way I was sending Steve to say goodbye to his dad alone. We are thankful Sarah was also able to come with us.
As I write this, Nathan is in the air, flying from Florida, making his way here to have one last conversation with the grandpa he so dearly loves. (And God bless sweet Meagan for holding the fort at home with four littles and giving Nathan her blessing to come and do this difficult, precious thing.)
Ken is holding a photo of HIS son and father.
We were told before we came that only one visitor a day could see Ken. That was disheartening since Vernie hadn’t seen him in six weeks and of course, Steve and his brothers, Sarah, Nathan, and I all wanted to see him now that the strict lockdown has finally been relaxed
Vernie told Steve he could be the first to see Ken yesterday; I rode along with him and waited in the car so that I would be there for him when he got out.
He called ahead to see if he could bring his guitar. When given permission he told me, “I’m going up to sing for my dad.” Precious moments.
He stayed over an hour, chatting, serving communion, and singing familiar hymns. Steve said that as he sang, Ken fastened his eyes right on him and his lips moved a little, trying to sing along. Ken has always loved to sing so having music in his room was the best medicine.
When Steve came back to the car he told me that I was allowed to go up to see Ken after all. He and I got to spend a precious fifteen minutes together. During the middle of our chatter, I mentioned to him that Steve had really been excited about bringing his guitar up and singing for him.
Ken said, “Yeah, he’s gotten a lot better, hasn’t he?”
I just burst out laughing. It struck me so funny and was such a “Ken thing” to say.
As we chatted, I fed him his vanilla pudding with the little squirt of Cool Whip on top. Ken has always had a sweet tooth and he made it clear he wanted me to keep that spoon coming! Toward the end of the pudding-eating, though, he started slowing down in between bites, drifting in and out of sleep.
I knew that was my cue to go. Before I turned toward the door though, I clasped the hand of the man that had helped raise my husband and said through tears, “Ken, thank you. You are the best dad-in-law ever.”
His eyes widened comically and he said, “Really!?” like he couldn’t believe it.
And then I told him he was still such a handsome fella and he smiled even bigger.
But then he got very serious, looked me right in the eye and said, “I’m proud of you, Becky. I love you.”
We held hands for a long, silent moment, bound together by forty years of memories.
His nurse, Katie, was waiting across the hall and I started to say something to her but broke down crying. I heard her compassionate words spoken from behind her mask and then in a few moments, felt her arm around my shoulder. When I finally got my composure and looked up at her, I saw that she was crying, too.
She said, “I have so enjoyed taking care of Ken. He is such a sweet man.”
She then said how much she and the other nurses loved Steve’s singing and playing; she said several of them were in tears as he sang. I was so comforted by her words and by the solace of human connection that she offered.
(She also gave me the good news that since Ken has been moved to hospice, as many members of our family can visit as needed, as long as they come in one at a time.)
As I walked away down the hall, I was accompanied by the memories of a man who’s told me hundreds of times that he loves me and that he’s proud of me. When I first sat at his dinner table as a shy, socially awkward 20-year old, he made sure I was in the seat right beside him and spent the whole meal telling stories, asking me questions, and kidding me about how much I liked gravy and disliked carrots. I am so thankful to have been loved and accepted by him from the first hello.
During both Steve’s and my visits yesterday, Ken asked several times when Vernie was coming. You could hear in his voice it was all fine and dandy for his other family members to show up but the face he really wanted to see was his bride of over six decades.
And so today, Steve has taken Vernie and Sarah to the hospital to visit. Because of the coronavirus, Ken and Vernie haven’t seen each other in six weeks; I can only imagine the look that will be on his face when she walks into the room. They have loved each other well. (Edited to add: when they got home Vernie told me that during her visit, a nurse came in to take Ken’s blood pressure. He told her, “Well, I’m pretty sure my blood pressure just went up because my wife just walked in.”)
Births, weddings, funerals. These are the words that represent beginnings and middles and endings. The times that bring people together to mark the passage of moments, the passing away of lives, the making of memories to come–all the way from the first hellos to the last goodbyes.
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I’ve posted this video before but thought it would be nice to watch it again.
What about you? What are your stories about the passing of people you’ve loved? Is there a particular person you want to share with us?
Oh goodness. My heart is breaking for you all. I am thankful, tho, that you are all able to spend this time with him.
I am praying for you all during this time.
Thank you, Krista, for your compassion and prayers. It means so much.
Oh Becky, I am crying as I write this, such a lovely, sweet man…..and you are very lucky, if I can use that word in this situation, that you are able to go in and say good bye……I have 4 friends in the NJ/NY area whose loved ones were in assisted living and one in the hospital and due to COVID restrictions, they were not able to go in and say good bye. My best friend said good bye to her Mom over facetime as the nurses stroked her hair and arms and sang softly to her. She said it was very peaceful as they watched her slip away…..my thoughts and prayers will be with you….
Dale,
Yes, we are definitely lucky, blessed, AND fortunate that we have been allowed up to see Ken. Steve and I have both thought so often of situations where family members are not allowed and it just breaks our hearts.
I loved the picture you painted of your friend’s mother’s passing, with the nurses there to be her voice and her hands. What a tender glimpse into the world of great nurses and a tender glimpse into a daughter’s goodbye.
I am so very sorry about Steve’s father. I prayer that the Lord will comfort you all and hold you very close, I am so happy that you are all able to see him and spend time with him. This will be a very special time for you. I loved the video too..
Catherine,
Thank you so much; we appreciate your words and prayers.
Becky, I’m very sorry to hear this and my prayers go out to you and your family.
Thank you so much, Chase, for your prayers.
I am so sorry to hear Ken is in his final days but I am happy you all will get to see him. Praying for peace and comfort for all of you
Michele,
Thank you for your prayers and your words. So thankful we got a chance to see him.
I asked God very fervently that He would make a way for you guys to see Ken and I am so very thankful that it happened.
You wrote such a lovely, poignant account of the visits–brought tears.
Sending much love.
Deb
Deb,
I cried while writing this post. Anyone who has lost a parent or parent-in-law feels those emotions so strongly–whether writing or reading an account of loss.
Thanks so much for your prayers and for all your support.
Becky, I am so sorry to hear that Ken is nearing the end of his earthly journey. Through the years of following your blog, I have come to know him asl a wonderful, caring, loving and very loved man. I am glad that all of you are able to be with him at this time and I am sure it is a comfort to Vernie to have you there. Praying for peace and comfort for all of you.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Linda in Pittsburgh
Linda,
Thank you for your sweet words about Ken. The adjectives you used describe him perfectly. I’m thankful to have had a chance to introduce him to my Smthellaneous family.
Oh Becky, I am so sorry your family is walking through this valley right now. I am so glad, also, that you, Steve, Sarah and Nathan are able to be there with Ken and Vernie. Thank you for sharing Ken and Vernie with all of us over the years through your wonderful stories. They sound like incredibly special people who have deeply touched the lives of many. I am praying for you all and sending you a big hug.
Thank you, Jenna. They truly are special people and I’m glad you have come to know them over the years.
Ken has always been generous to a fault and he truly has touched the lives of many with the way he has given and affirmed and reached out to the less fortunate.
I’m so very sorry…but so happy that Vernie and Ken are able to spend some time physically together and not just online. They have such a beautiful love story and both seem like people with whom I would have loved to spend time. How precious that Steve was able to minister to his father and the staff with his music. Prayers for all of you as you say your goodbyes.
Sue Ellen,
Yes, they truly do have a beautiful love story; such an example for all of us coming along behind.
And I am definitely thankful for the time they got to spend together yesterday; what an absolute gift that was.
So sorry to hear about Ken and how close he is to going home to glory. How wonderful to still hear his sense of humor. S o glad you were able to see him at this time and also how he has touched the lives of those that have cared for him. Both of my parents passed away in 2011 – 8 months apart in a nursing home. I remember one time when we were visiting them (they lived in Kansas) and we went to a Walmart. Had been talking to dad and all of a sudden he looked up and stared. Turned around and asked what he was staring at – and here comes my mom. He laughed and said, “Was wondering who that beautiful woman was that was walking this way – and here it was your mom.” They were in their middle 80’s. They held hands all the time when we would come and see them. Mom had Alzheimer’s and was probably wondering who this man was she was holding hands with, but it didn’t seem to make any difference. Know you’ll keep us posted.
Sharyn,
That made me smile thinking of your mom wondering who she was holding hands with.
And it made me tear up to read about your dad watching that beautiful woman walking toward him.
So many movies and stories seem to be about young love; it is the old, tried and true love that is so beautiful.
As I read this tears flowed. Prayers for y’all each one. Prayers for you and Steve as I know how giving up a father and father-in-law feels and for Nathan and Sarah as I only had one Granddaddy in my life and when he left us on December 14, 1962 I felt my world collapsed. Have not been where Vernie is but pray for her. May Nathan get to spend some time with Ken before his departure. Love you all. God bless with His love and comfort.
Ann,
Thank you for your compassionate, understanding words. Losing a grandpa truly is a great loss; I can only imagine how you felt losing the only one you had.
Nathan and Sarah have been very blessed to have known and loved two wonderful grandpas.
Oh Becky, I’ve prayed and prayed asking God to please let Vernie and Ken see each other again before God calls Ken home. I know how much they have missed each other. All of you will continue to be in my prayers. I have cried many tears over the last few weeks for both of them. The tears are flowing now but not just tears of sadness but tears of joy too! Let me know if you need anything at all. ❤️?
Debbie,
It is so touching to me that you have known and loved Ken and Vernie for so long. And to know that you have loved them enough to have cried for them over the past few weeks–that just means so much.
Sitting here in their den typing these words, I am surrounded by all the memories and memorabilia of their lives together. Precious moments.
Becky, Steve and the rest of the family: I am so, so sorry to see this turn of events. I can’t help but cry for you because even though Ken will be going to be with our Lord, he will be leaving those who love him and we all know how that hurts. My sweet mother-in-law passed just last week so I feel your pain and the angst that goes with having a loved one seriously ill during this horrible pandemic. The day before she left us, I was telling her goodbye and that I love her and the last words she spoke to me were “You don’t know how much I love you”. I will always cherish those words.
My own mother passed 24 years ago and it is hard to believe she has been gone that long. I still vividly remember that entire last night with her. I am beyond glad to have been there.
Continued prayers for your health and safety and especially for you all for comfort and peace. God be with you.
Big hugs!!
Lee Anne,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mother-in-law; you truly do have an understanding of what we are facing right now.
How wonderful that she left you with those precious words of love. Truly worthy of cherishing.
It’s amazing how the memories of the last hours with a loved one stay with us for so many years. Love lasts . . .
Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.” psalm 116:15
We praise you, Lord, for your saints who have entered into joy. May we also come to share in your heavenly kingdom.
Dear God, bless Ken at the end of his earthly life, and hold him safe in your love. Amen
Mrs. Pam,
I have ALWAYS loved that verse; thank you so much for reminding me of it.
And thank you for your dear prayer.
Ah Becky, I’m not good at saying the right thing at times like these. Glad that ya’ll can be there. Just know that I am thinking about you, Steve, the family and Ken’s Homegoing. What a glorious time that will be! Sending prayers for peace of heart, mind and understanding. (((HUGS)))
Linda,
I understand completely when you say you’re not good at saying the right thing, but thank you for commenting. Your words came out just right!
Oh Becky. I am so so so very sorry. I know what it is like to loose a beloved father. My heart just breaks for Steve, for all of you. I am SO very glad you all are getting to see each other and love on Ken and Vernie and each other.
Brooke,
Yes, we are so very grateful for this small window of time together. I know you can truly relate having experienced loss of your own. The depth of grief is the depth of love . . . so thankful for love.
Becky and family, So sorry to hear about Ken. My prayers are with all of you during this difficult time. Thankful that you all can get in to see him.
Phyllis,
Yes, we are grateful to have had the chance to see him. Thanks so much for your prayers.