Forty-Nine Forever

March 7, 2012

I will spend my final day of being forty-nine in a sad and poignant way.

In one hour, I will stand on the platform of our church sanctuary.

I will sing Amazing Grace.

I will sing to a crowd of weeping, mourning people.

I will sing over the casket of a woman whose death from a heart attack came just a couple hours after the unexpected passing of her daughter’s fiance’.

Funerals are sobering under any circumstance.  But especially so today. Especially on the eve of a big birthday.

Over this past week, I have done a little kidding around with you about this birthday that I’ll be celebrating tomorrow.  However,  I wasn’t completely joking because I really wasn’t too excited about it.  I really wasn’t too thrilled about leaving my forties behind.  I really wasn’t too happy about entering a decade that truly reeks of middle aged-ness.

But today?  As I sing?

I will be reminded that celebrating a 50th birthday is a precious privilege.

I will be reminded that life is frail and delicate and that every birthday is a giftday.

I will be reminded that turning  fifty and becoming middle-aged is way better than the alternative.

Because today, I am forty-nine.

And tomorrow, I will be fifty.

But the woman in the casket?

She was forty-nine years old when she died.    And she will be forty-nine years old forever.

She will never have the privilege of growing into middle age.  She will never have the joy of blowing out fifty candles on a cake. Her family will never again get to gather around her and sing their own sweet version of “Happy Birthday,” the way Sarah and Steve will do for me tomorrow.

You know what? The thought of seeing the sun rise on the day I turn fifty is looking mighty good.

 

 

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45 comments so far.

45 responses to “Forty-Nine Forever”

  1. Jill says:

    Happy 50 th Becky and many more! I am not too far behind you. And my husband hits it this year! He just bought his sports car ~ha!

    We are very blessed and thank you for that reminder.

  2. Krista says:

    I can’t seem to get on Facebook right now…so, I’ll wish you a Blessed Birthday here!! I pray you have a glorious day!!

    ((((HUGS))))

  3. Heidi says:

    Happy Birthday! Hope the next 50 years and just a wonderful as the first!

    • Becky says:

      Heidi,

      Well, that would mean I’d have to live to be a 100, which would be kind of cool. (Especially if I’m still blogging!) 🙂

  4. Mrs. Pam says:

    What a sad time for that family and for your whole church family. I imagine they felt a little bit of heaven on earth as you sang.

    Wishing you many birthday blessings today.

    • Becky says:

      Mrs. Pam,

      My hope is that my music brings much comfort to people’s hearts at terrible times like that.

      Thanks so much for your sweet card and birthday pin. 🙂

  5. JennyJoT says:

    Happy Birf-day, Becky! Praying for you today. God bless.

  6. Sueg says:

    Fifty? I think what you mean is the 29th anniversary of your 21st birthday, right? Happy, Happy.

  7. Ann Martin says:

    Becky, tomorrow my cousin celebrates her 59th birthday by having her left kidney removed due to cancer. Praise God the doctor said it is all contained in the kidney and she will not need chemo or radiation. Hope you celebrate your 50th birthday with chocolates, family, and fellowship with God. Wish we could be there with you to celebrate but we will be at the hospital praising God for answered prayer. Who knows–maybe our grandchild will be born tomorrow. Have a blessed birthday.

    • Sueg says:

      As a person who has been battling kidney cancer for eight years, my heart and prayers are with your cousin. She is blessed to have loving relatives such as yourself to help her through the process. May she live long and prosper in the Lord and be an example of hope and light to the cancer community.

    • Becky says:

      Ann,

      What a challenging way for your cousin to celebrate a birthday. But in many ways, it’s the true beginning of the rest of her life as her body is rid of cancer and she starts to heal up. She’s blessed to have you to love her and pray for her during this tough time.

  8. Margie says:

    I think everyday is a gift & try to live it accordingly. I don’t remember being bothered by fifty so I guess it wasn’t so bad. My heart goes out to that poor family & I can’t begin to imaging how the daughter must be feeling.

    • Becky says:

      Margie,

      You’re exactly right; every day is a gift. And thanks for your thoughts and concern for that bereaved family; this is an incredibly difficult time for all of them.

  9. Rachel K says:

    That gave me shivers. 2 years ago I turned 30, and while I know that is still quite young and nothing to worry about – I was more upset about it than I thought I would be. But you are right, ever year is a privilege…. a chance to say “I made it one more year on this earth.” Whether or not you have accomplished everything you wanted to at whatever age you are at the time.

    • Becky says:

      Rachel,

      You’re right; each year is a blessing and a privilege. So thankful to be alive and turning 50 and looking forward to years to come!

  10. Debbie Taylor says:

    Happy Birthday Becky! I made it to 59 last week and George is 58 today and we are glad to be here. Praying for your friend and her family. I know you will sing beautifully! Love to you all!

    • Becky says:

      Debbie,

      Nice of you and George to arrange your birthdays to be so close together! 🙂 Thanks for your sweet words and your prayers.

  11. patti says:

    So beautifully put.

  12. sharon says:

    I turned 72 in January. I look back at 50 trying to remember what I did in that year. I still worked..now I dont of course. I dont remember it as being so bad. look forward to all the good times yet to come Becky. I have two kids older than you and A daughter who is not far behind you, I look at her and think she is still so young and has so much life before her…. happy Birthday!

  13. Wendy says:

    I too turned 53 last week, and I thank the Lord each day I wake up and have another day to try to serve and please Him. I have had a couple of people with health issues in the past couple weeks younger than me and have started changing some of my bad (horrible) eating patterns, not to mention exercising, ugh! I will be praying for the woman who two people she loved dearly. Wendy

    • Becky says:

      Wendy, good for you making changes with your eating and exercise habits; that’s one of the best things to do to stay young! And thanks for your prayers for that family.

  14. Kim says:

    Oh Becky~
    I’m truly so sorry to hear this. Praying much for this family!! And…you’ll sing beautifully…because you always do!

    Happy 50th Birthday my dear. It looks FAB on you!

    • Becky says:

      Kim,

      Thanks for your kind words. I don’t know how beautifully I sang but a lot of people said it made them feel so peaceful, so I was thankful for that.

  15. Angela says:

    Praying for this family, especially the daughter who has lost a mom and a fiance’ so unexpectedly, and praying for you, Becky, as you extend God’s comfort to them.

    • Becky says:

      Angela,

      Thanks for your prayers. Yes, the trauma of losing a fiance and a mom all at once is more than I can imagine.

  16. LeeAnne says:

    Becky, I couldn’t agree with you more. I just turned 53 last week and I feel so blessed and fortunate to be here to celebrate every single birthday. Thankfully I am very healthy, but that doesnt guarantee anything. Wishing you a very happy birthday as you step into the next decade. Enjoy the ride…..it really isnt that bad. 🙂

  17. Mary H says:

    Amen, Becky and prayers for you as you celebrate your 50th birthday and prayers for the family who has lost so much too soon. I knew an 18 year old that would have given anything to make 20, I knew a 36 year old that was trying desperately to make it to 40 and I know now a 21 year old that is waiting for a diagnosis of brain tumor, Parkinson’s or stroke…..I have never, ever mourned a big birthday – instead I try and celebrate it and embrace it because too many have never had the chances I have had. I am sure your voice and love and care for all today was “like a blanket” in their time of need. Love to you and celebrate like you never have – because 50 is fine!

    • Becky says:

      Mary,

      It’s funny you should mention Like A Blanket because when they asked me to sing a second song, that’s the one I chose. I think it brought comfort to a lot of hearts.

      • Mary H says:

        Because “Like a Blanket” holds more special meaning for me than you will ever know and it is exactly that when you hear it – you feel surrounded by comfort and wisdom and God’s love along with the most beautiful voice I have ever heard. It just surrounds you in comfort and peace. Now, go enjoy that Birthday, girl!

      • Norma says:

        “Like A Blanket” will always have a very special meaning to me. Thanks so much for allowing us to play it at a special time. Mom & I would play your “Like A Blanket” CD every night in the hospital and it was such a comfort to us, so it was so fitting to play it one last time for her. Can’t believe this Friday will be 2 years since Mom’s Homegoing. Thank you for sharing such a special song for so many people who are hurting. God bless!

  18. Marjie says:

    Happy Birthday May you be blessed with many blessings in the up coming year.
    Hugs from Iowa,
    Marjie

  19. Dana H says:

    Life is so unpredictable. None of us are promised a tomorrow or next week or next year. Lord willing I will be 37 on April 10th and I plan on celebrating. I’m guilty of taking each day for granted> I admit it. I go to bed at night and dread the morning. I put off things today because I’ll do it this weekend. My youngest son’s birthday is in August. All I have heard for at least the past 3 weeks is him telling me what he wants for his birthday. Sadly I’ve done nothing but put him off by telling him”son that’s 6 months away or that’s not for anoter 5 months” . If my baby wants to tell me for the next however many days until August 3rd what he wants so be it. I’m not saying it won’t get tiresome but I don’t want to crush his spirit. I pray for some of that childlike joy to come back to me. Celebrate every day and go all out on the 1 day a year set aside for everybody else to gush over us. Thank you for this post Becky. I hate that the words came from a tragedy but I feel blessed to have the message.

    • Becky says:

      Dana,

      Thanks for being so honest in sharing your struggles and challenges. I admire you in that you are aware of the changes that need to be made and your are determined to begin living in the moment. Sending heaping helpings of that childhood joy you’re wanting your way!

  20. Gail Puckett says:

    Becky, you are right, each and every birthday that we have is a giftday from our Lord. Amazing Grace is such a wonderful song, Amazing in every way, and one of my favorites for God’s grace truly is amazing and there is no other way to describe it. You know, I am not sure that I ever really understood how much God loved us in giving His Son, until I had a son of my own. Could I really be as obedient as Isaac if I were asked to give up my precious son. I am not sure I could. That in itself should be enough for us to know how much He really loves us. Prayers are with you today as you sing, singing for a funeral is one of my least favorite things to do, yet it should be one of the most joyous.
    God Bless
    Gail

    • Becky says:

      Gail,

      You’re right, singing for a funeral is a tough thing to do and yet it’s always such an honor to be invited into peoples’ lives during those seasons. Thank you for your prayers and your reminder that His grace truly is amazing.

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