A couple months ago, our church started something called “Connections.”
Steve and I and the staff wanted to find a way for our congregation members to get to know each other a little better, since sitting beside someone in a pew for 90 minutes on Sunday is not really a good way to accomplish that goal.
So we have started providing a way for them to leave the pews behind and hang out together in someone’s living room instead. (And we’re encouraging participants to invite neighbors, friends and those who don’t normally attend church.)
Our home is one of five host homes on the island.
Every second and fourth Sunday night, Steve, Sarah and I launch ourselves into action and clean up a little, move a little furniture, and arrange a few chairs to get ready for the evening.
One important rule that all Connections leaders implement is to always leave at least one chair empty every night. That communicates that in our church, and in our circle of friends, there is always room for one more.
The circle is never closed.
The main purpose of this gathering is to give its attendees time to talk about what’s going on in their lives. The facilitator leads the evening with some discussion questions about the morning’s sermon but his or her intention is to talk very little and encourage the participants to do the talking instead. However, no one is ever put on the spot and made to talk, or to pray out loud.
When the “official part” of the meeting is over, some snacks are served and even more conversation ensues. Steve has had several people tell him that since Connections Groups have started, they’re finally getting to know people they’ve been attending church with for ten years.
That is music to a pastor’s heart!
Although we are all loving this new small group experience, I am sad to have to say that there is one member of our congregation who gets very upset whenever Connections night comes around.
In fact, she turns into a regular Miss Drama Queen.
Mom, if those people come over to our house again, I am going to go upstairs. I don’t care if I AM the pastor’s kid! There are just way too many people for me to deal with.
And yes, I have prayed about it and yes, I am STILL convinced that Connections meetings are not for me.
If they come, I will leave! Do you really want me to leave? I mean, really? This is your last chance!
“Okay! I am not kidding about this! I am really going to leave!”
“Okay.That’s it. I am gone. I am. out. of. here.”
Other than Summer? We love our Connections Group night.
What about you? Does your church have small groups?
Do you attend them? Do you like them?
What would you change about them?
And if you don’t regularly attend church, I’d love to hear from you, as well. (Seriously, I would. As a pastor’s wife, I wish I had more chances to hear from those who aren’t usually in church.)
Do you think that, as a rule, church people are welcoming and friendly or the opposite?
Would you ever attend a small group like the one I described here, even if you didn’t attend the church itself?
If you could sit down with Steve and I for 30 minutes and tell us the reasons you don’t attend church, what would those reasons be? We would love to know!
Thanks so much–looking forward to hearing from you all.
You’re welcome! Actually, tears flow everytime I tell someone about it. What I didn’t mention, is that to this day, there are people from that particular group that I am still close friends with…I made lifetime friends.
Hi Becky! I’m not sure if my comment is welcome on this thread because I don’t go to church, but I’ll share my perspective.
My family has always had a very open sort of philosophy about religion, along the lines of “believe if it’s right for you; if you don’t like your church go find another one or don’t go.” The family way back when were Quakers but people have jumped around. For instance my grandmother was born Baptist, she married a Reform Jewish man and they converted to Catholicism. I was baptized Catholic but we didn’t follow it, and when we left when I was 7 I didn’t miss it.
Since then I have had a lot of exposure to a lot of world religions through my friends, who are very diverse. I tagged along to their religious services when I visited them so by the time I was a teenager I’d been to Jewish synagogues, Hindu and Buddhist temples, Catholic masses, and all sorts of churches. My best friend is Baptist (we’ve been friends since we were 6 and are in our 30s now!) and she even took me along to Bible Camp for a few years.
After all that…I’ve learned to appreciate all different religions and feel receptive to the lessons they can teach. However, I’ve never really felt the need to go to church myself. For one thing my family and I have always been very liberal socially and politically, and we feel alienated at a lot of churches – they have different views and I respect that difference of opinion, but we just wouldn’t be a good match for each other. Also, unfortunately I’ve met some people from churches that have had the attitude of “if you don’t believe exactly what I believe, you’re a bad person, and I’m going to try to convert you,” and that has put me off.
For another, I’m introverted, and group gatherings tend to make me overwhelmed and drained. I feel it’s much more productive for me to talk to God on my own than with a lot of other people. I have friends who really enjoy their churches and synagogues and I think that is wonderful for them, but it’s just not for me. If I did decide to ever seek out organized religion I think I’d return to my roots with the most liberal denomination of the Quakers/Friends and I’d try to do volunteering/etc. with them instead of their meetings.
Having said that, would I attend a church gathering? Absolutely! Making new friends is great, and hearing others’ beliefs and viewpoints is wonderful. I love asking questions about others’ faiths. We all have things to teach each other.
And to add…I have read the posts below mine and I’m so glad that there are a lot of viewpoints here. Thank you. 🙂
Denise,
Baptist, Quakers, Jewish, Catholic, Hindu, Buddhist–you have truly had a lot of interesting influences. I admire your open mind in saying, ” . . . I love asking questions about others’ faiths. We all have things to teach other.” How true that is! You have had an incredibly rich life in that area.
I’m sorry to hear that you have felt alienated in some of the churches you have been in; that kind of thing is–unfortunately–going to happen when different people all very strongly believe different things.
While I personally feel it’s important for a person to regularly attend church, I appreciate you sharing your point of view and am glad you took the time to write. I’m also glad you saw all the viewpoints that are represented in this thread; it has really been wonderfully thought provoking reading and your post made a great contribution to the thread. Thank you!
The past year of two I’ve been lax about attending church. I attended consistantly for a couple of decades. Over the past year, which has had some big changes, I’ve been realizing that I am now only responsible for myself…no child to get out of bed and into church & Royal Rangers, etc. It was so much easier that way to be consistent! Since this realization, a concerted effort is being made to get back to consistency!
As for small groups, when I first landed in my current church a couple of decades ago, it was all new to me! My husband had just left our marriage and I had a 4 month old son. They had these “things” called Life Groups and the woman who hosted one invited me and baby to come. It was a 45 min. drive each way and on Sunday evenings.So off I went, a broken, heartbroken, scared mess with a baby. I was immediately welcomed and my son fawned over 🙂 I didn’t volunteer much, but when they asked if anyone had a prayer request, I told them what had happened and shed tears. What I received? Hugs, prayers, affirmation of who I was with God and who God was to me. What I didn’t receive? I received absolutely zero condemnation nor societal advice on how to fix it. This little group that I stuck with prayed me back together, encouraged me always. That little “thing” called a Life Group helped me live a life of honor before my son. Invaluable.
Guerrina, wow. Just wow! That story made my whole day.
It is such a heartening experience to know that people actually get it right sometimes. To hear about the way your were accepted and affirmed and welcomed in that hardest part of your life just brought tears to my eyes. Thank you so very much for sharing that story!
I typed out a long answer the other day then lost it somehow before I got it sent. I was raised by Christian parents and grand parents on my mothers side. I went to church school for several years and to a boarding academy thru high school and one year of college. I attended church while married and took my kids, then came the big “D” divorce. I was teaching 4 years olds at biblee school when the director came and said I her you are getting a divorce, I said yes and she said we dont need you hever influencing our children you can leave right now. so I took my kids and left. while a realize this was over 40 years ago I have never felt the same since about church, many years later I attended a small church for several years. I made some nice friends, but the infighting and back stabbing among people who profess to be christian is terrible, at least in that church. Ihave since moved to a different city, and do not attend any church. I beleive in GOD and the bible and do attend a church sometimes just for the gospel music concerts, I just do not want to belong to any group again
Sharon, I can’t tell you had sad I am about the negative church-related things you have experienced in your life and the fact that you saw the worst part of church. I know those experiences were very hurtful to you, especially with the situation when you were asked to stop teaching the 4 year olds. We have more than a couple people in our church who have gone through divorce and yet they are very involved in different places of ministry because we believe in a God of second chances.
I’m glad you get a chance to enjoy some gospel music concerts at church; I love those, too.
I’ve been trying to answer this since just after you posted it, and keep coming back to it without ever actually commenting. I could come up with a lot of words in a 30 minute conversation, so I’ll try to keep this somewhat abbreviated!
I don’t attend church because I don’t believe in God, or any higher power. I think I mentioned in an email quite a while ago that I haven’t believed in God or had any type of faith in many years. I go to church on Christmas Eve, because candlelight service is one of my favorite things. Other than that, I have tried a few times to attend a church but I always feel so out of place that I don’t go back. I’ve gone because I’m aware of what a great community a church congregation can be, but I feel like a fraud sitting in a place meant for worshiping something I don’t believe exists. In general, I think most church people are friendly and welcoming, but while I enjoy discussing religion I do not like being ‘preached at’ — I think that many people believe so strongly, and see such dire consequences for those who do not believe, that they genuinely want to make people see their truths. But even when I know it’s not meant to be negative, it makes me very uncomfortable.
I would probably consider attending a small church-affiliated but not church-centric group. I’d almost certainly go once or twice, because I’ll try almost anything, just to see. For longer term… I don’t know. It would depend on the makeup of the group, and the tenor of the meetings.
Kristina, it’s so interesting to read your thoughtful, insightful words. I am going to print many of the comments (including yours) and give them to our church staff to read; I think they will help the staff (as well as Steve and me) to widen our perspectives and better understand the viewpoints of people who don’t attend church every Sunday.
I admire your honesty in writing with no equivocation, “I don’t believe in God or any higher power.” Although you already know that you and I disagree on that point, I find it refreshing to hear from someone who doesn’t beat around the bush in expressing their beliefs.
It’s also encouraging to read that you haven’t closed down your thought process entirely and are willing, at some possible point in the future, to consider being a part of a church-affiliated group.
I’m sorry that you have have been made to feel uncomfortable in the past when discussing faith and belief with church-goers. Many people are very sincere in their efforts to try and encourage other people to believe what they believe but they don’t always go about it in the most gracious way.
I agree with you that candlelight services are wonderful! We are going to have one the week before Christmas with candles, quiet hymns, and a story. It’s one of the high points of our year because in the middle of a frantic season, it gives people a chance to sit quietly and experience peace.
Hi Becky. I don’t attend church mainly because in my family and upbringing, it was never classed as something we did or do. I think the way religion is celebrated in the UK has changed drastically, especially over the past 100 years or so, and to be honest, in my group of friends and family i don’t know anyone who goes to church regularly, not even those in the ‘older generation’, i.e. grandparents, friends of grandparents etc. That’s not to say we’re all agnostic or don’t believe, it’s just not something that’s as part of daily life here as in other places.
I should also add, I do think though that experiences that you describe, such as Connections or your Thanksgiving meal with the lads from a drug abuse program, is something a lot of people, myself included, would benefit from. Time is also a problem and I know that’s the oldest excuse in the book, but I do meet myself coming backwards sometimes with everything i fit in each week (smile) and i know a lot of others in the same boat, so I think this is also a big reason why people (well, the people I know) don’t attend church regularly.
Becky, it’s fascinating to hear perspectives of church from people in other countries; thanks for jumping in on the conversation! I found it interesting to read that no one that you know attends church, not even the older generation. In my life and culture, that is hard to even comprehend!
I agree with you that time is a huge factor in peoples’ involvement in church. (Or non involvement, as the case may be.) Whether one lives in the US or the UK, life gets crazier and busier with every passing year and church can so easily get pushed to the side. I think those who do make time for it though, find the benefits well worth the effort.
Again, thanks so much for telling your story!
Wow, I really love this topic. My case is probably a little ‘”extreme”, because I am a single 30-something born and raised in Rome (I apologize in advance for my bad English!), where the influence of Catholicism is very strong, even if you come from an atheist and – to use a term I dislike – progressive family. Personally, the thing that kept me away from the Church is its lack of openness and curiosity. Without going into deep issues, who does not adhere to certain precepts – which are often connected with faith only in an indirect way – is often considered “bad” around here. In my pre-teen years I tried to attend the activities organized by the parish of my neighborhood, but I had the impression that space for personal doubts and dialogue among peers was very little. Not the ideal environment for an anxious teenager looking for a friendly voice! 😉
That said Becky, reading you I often think that maybe, if I was born in an environment where religion was seen and treated with a more “human” and less judjmental attitude, maybe things would have turned out differently. 🙂
Olivia, no need to apologize for your English; you do an amazing job communicating in a second language. I’m impressed!
I agree with you that the church needs to leave room for dialogue and questions and yes, even doubts. I can certainly understand that the experiences you had as a teenager discouraged you from delving much further into church life/religious activity as an adult. But you’re still young and it sounds like you’ve retained an open, inquiring mind, which is great. Who knows what you might discover as you go along; maybe you’ll be surprised by the finding of a church family that lets you ask questions and provides the “friendly voice” you were looking for as a teen.
I so appreciate you telling your story and agree with you that this is a great topic. It’s sure made ME think as I’ve read all the wonderful responses that have come in. (And I LOVE your photos of Italy, by the way!) 🙂
I was not raised in church, my Aunt used to take me occasionally when I was younger but other than that I usually only set foot in a church for weddings and funerals. My parents always allowed us the freedom to explore our faith, but it wasn’t until about 6 years ago when I was in college that I started to do so. My campus had a small Catholic Church so I attended Mass a few times, but was so confused by the reasons for some of the rituals that I stopped going. My grandmother, whom I adored, was a devoutly Catholic woman and I’d still like to explore and learn more about the religion that shaped her. I wouldn’t consider myself religious per se, but I am a spiritual person and my believe in a higher power has helped me cope with the Cerebral Palsy I was born with…just knowing that someone is watching over me is comforting when I find myself wishing that things were different or that I didn’t have to use my wheelchair.
I am about to move across country as I continue to look for a Social Work job that will allow me to use my degrees. My mom suggests that once I decide where to move I should join a church as a means to meet people. I’m painfully shy so the idea is a little intimidating but it does sound like a good plan since I will most likely be hundreds, if not thousands of miles from my family.
I have to say Becky, as I’ve read your blog over the years starting with Sarah’s cancer journey and then following you to Smithellaneous, I’ve often thought ‘Wow I wish I lived closer so I could attend Pastor Smith and Becky’s church.’ Your family and your friendly attitude toward anyone, free of judgement, makes the idea of church less intimidating for those of us who don’t regularly attend.
Melanie, wow. I must say I was both touched and honored by your final sentence about Steve and me. Thank you for those very kind and encouraging words. We certainly don’t do it perfectly but we do work very hard at reaching out.
Your mom gave you great advice (moms have a way of doing that) about a church being a good place where you can meet people; I understand though, how scary it can be to walk into a brand new place and try to get acquainted. But you’re only new once and each Sunday that passes (when you DO find a church you like) will make you feel more and more at home.
To have earned degrees while at the same time dealing with Cerebral Palsy and a wheelchair makes me admire you immensely. You will be a great addition and blessing to ANY church you wind up in. Let me know how the search goes!
We attend Sunday school, and LOVE our SS class. In fact, most of the people we hang out with outside of church are in our SS class. We live across the country from any family and our church family is truly family to us. Our church also has fellowship dinner groups. We have attended a couple of those groups in the past and it’s a great opportunity to get to know others in the church in an informal dinner situation. Who doesn’t love to eat and talk? Our church is very welcoming, although I have attended churches that aren’t. It’s really sad to me when a church is not welcoming to newcomers. It kind of defeats the purpose of what church is all about.
Gayle in AL
Gayle, for people who like you who live so far away from family members, a church family is especially needed and appreciated! I’m so glad you’ve found a place that makes you feel like family and yes, those casual dinners are a great way of helping people get to know each other better–beyond the pews.
I agree wholeheartedly with you that it is sad when a church doesn’t welcome newcomers. As you said so well, “Doesn’t that kind of defeat the purpose?”
I hope you continue to enjoy the wonderful church family you have found.
I think your Connections Group is wonderful! For some people, church/church family is all they have. I just love the “empty chair” idea. 🙂
Our Catholic Church tries reaching out, as well, but not everyone takes part, and has even become disconnected. My husband, Adam, is one of them. Our children attend Catholic schools, and even participate in Mass (Eucharistic Minister, server), but I can only convince my husband to join us on holidays. This bothers me more than he will ever know. Church is such a big part of my life, and our children’s, as well. Adam used to attend regularly, and even attended Catholic schools – including college! But this is a personal choice. His choice. I pray his heart will change one day. Maybe he needs folks like you and Steve to reach out to him. 🙂
Your church is blessed to have you and your family! And Summer … well, her heart will change one day, too. 🙂
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend! Ours will be filled with family and friends as we celebrate our daughter, Haley’s, 17th birthday. We’ll leave a few chairs empty just in case you’d like to join us. 🙂
Lizzi Lou (am I correct in remembering that your “real name” is Michelle? My mind gets muddled sometimes) 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing your experience with church and with faith. I can only imagine how difficult it is for you when Adam doesn’t actively participate in something that is so very important to you and to your kids. It’s hard to understand why these things happen. But as you said, hearts can change and your continued prayers will be a part of that change.
Happy 17th birthday to Haley! I can say from personal experience that having a 17 year old daughter is a wonderful thing. (And PS. Thanks for reassuring me that Summer’s heart might change at some point, too!) 🙂
Haha good memory! Michelle I am. 😉
I am a Baha’i. I have always lived in small communities of around 10-15 families. We have always been close knit. I am currently in a big city were there are 400 of us. Part of our faith we host children’s classes and work in small groups within our neighborhood. When I say small groups… we are back down to 5 families. I love the connection with them. Just tonight they surprised me with a baby shower. We pray together, we provide suppers for some our more busy members (One fellow works about 50 hours a week, is sitting on 2 major committees, and provides his home for our Junior Youth groups). We care for him, making sure he has enough food in his house to eat. We work in our community, we currently have 1 children’s class where we teach spirituality and moral values to all children not just Baha’is. We have 1 Junior Youth group with the potential to start 2 more just need to find someplace to host it. We are also in constant contact with the other Baha’is around the city through our regular Feast (every 19 days), is similar to going to Church just less frequent.
Angela, I really admire the way that you and the others you worship with take such good care of one another in down-to-earth, practical ways. Providing food for an over busy person? What a thoughtful thing to do!
I especially love the line from the Bahá’ís website that says, “We worship God through prayer and meditation, by participating in devotional gatherings, and through active service to their communities.” Although our faiths differ on many issues, I love the way you all reach out to each other. And congratulations on your soon-to-be born child! How sweet to have a surprise shower thrown for you! 🙂
I used to attend pretty regularly when I was younger. I haven’t attended in years now, thanks mostly to shift work. My husband and I tried to get back into it a few years ago, but we both worked shift work at the time and could only attend together once in a while. Now he works a regular Mon-Fri job, but I still work shifts. I work every other Sunday, and if I don’t work Sunday I’ve sometimes worked all night Saturday night, getting off at 6:30AM. Wouldn’t trust myself to stay awake! I would only be able to go every once in a while, maybe once a month with my schedule, and I didn’t feel like it was enough to really get to know people that well. I really wanted to start taking my son when he was born, but it was just impossible to go on a regular basis so I guess I got lazy and stopped. We enrolled my son in a Christian private school though, so hopefully that will ‘make up’ for it somewhat. A small group like you mentioned would be great, especially if it was something that was in the evenings rather than mornings.
Melissa, that’s a tough thing that you and your husband have had to work such a variety of schedules over the years; it must make it hard to keep things in synch. (And I’m amazed that you can work all night till 6:30 am; I would be a complete basket case!)
There are many churches where you would feel comfortable attending just one or two Sundays a month; we have several people who are on that schedule (for various reasons) and we just welcome them they show up and let them know we are thrilled to see them. People’s lives are so crazy and busy these days and it’s especially tough in situations like yours when your schedule is always changing. But who knows? You may surprise yourself and find a church that you, and your husband and son all love. In the meantime, I hope you can fit in a nap somewhere along the way! 🙂
My church split a few years ago, and we now have about 40 families/singles who attend regularly. We are a VERY friendly church. Before the split, I attended Saturday night services which always had dinner provided. (folks could bring sides) Good way to get to know each other. Then the split, and no more Saturday night. most of my friends left. so, I rejoined the Sunday group, and I hardly knew anyone. ugh. re-joined the choir, and got to know those folks. I seldom stayed for our yummy coffee hour (homemade treats every Sunday) because the noise was too much for me to comprehend conversations. BUT, I can now say that I feel I know most of the folks pretty well. and with my new hearing aids, I’ve joined the Christian Formation class which is actually a Small Group. MANY years ago, the church had FOYER GROUPS.., as I recall, different people would host about 6-8 folks for dinner once a month. I think people would sign up ( I should remember because I made the bulletin board for the sign ups)… little houses with a front door that would open up for people to sign the list in the Foyer. I thought that was sorta clever; but I digress. I never signed up. I like the way you do it with inviting people; that way you know you are wanted.
Mrs. Pam, how interesting to hear the sorts of church traditions that you have experienced through the years! (And homemade treats every Sunday? That’s a tradition I’m VERY interested in.)
I know that when a church splits, it’s a really hard time for church members and pastors alike. I’m so glad that you were able to change gears a little and still find a place to belong. Sounds like a wonderful place.
HI Becky. I LOVE GOING TO CHURCH… i also love God and Jesus. IN MY MIND I believe God and his son are alive.
The church we attend while we are at home is LORENZO FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH. Membership runs about 40 to 60 people counting every single person FROM BABIES TO OLD PERSONS,.
DURING THE FIRST SONG AS THE SMALL CHOIR IS SINGING…EVERYONE IS ENCOURAGED TO GET UP AND GREET SOMEONE SITTING NEARBY.
THE CHURCH WE ATTEND WHEN WE STAY AT OUR DAUGHTER’S HOUSE IS SPRING CREEK UNITED Methodist CHURCH. This church has two Sunday AM services. We attend the 10;00 am SERVICE, mainly because I am not an “early” riser.
The 10;00 AM SERVICE HAS ABOUT 200 PLUS MEMBERS. We enjoy both services…small and large. HOWEVER THE CHURCH I would attend if we lived closer to it is GLORIOUS WAY CHURCH, located in NORTHWEST HOUSTON.
this church of 400-600 people has a great church service where after the singing, people are invited to go to the altar to be prayed for/over,,,this church is a church who the pastor was taught under Pastor JOHN OSTEEN.
John Osteen is the man that founded the 10,000 plus member church began In a feed store on HOUSTON’S EAST SIDE. This church also purchased one of the sports complexes UNDEER jOEL’S DIRECTION and made IT into a church WHERE IT NOW MEETS. It’s ,name is Lakewood Church known as the OASIS OF LOVE, IT IS NOW BEING PASTORED BY John’s youngest child and his wife, Joel and Victoria Osteen. During 1993-95 when we moved to Houston KENNETH AND I attended Lakewood church where we watched Pastor Osteen send Pastor John Greiner out to start Glorious Way Church in JANUARY 1995.. By July 1995 we found where the Greiner’s were starting their church and we began going there until we moved FROM Houston to Canyon Lake in 1999…Everything I LEARNED ABOUT God and the Bible I learned at Glorious
In that four years, I may have missed two services in that four year peroid. It is where i came to understand God’s Word and that He lives today. and that death from this liife is just a beginning, not the end. Now when a person who serves God dies, I AM NO LONGER SAD, HOWEVER. NOW I can rejoice in the comfort that I WILL SEE THAT person again in heaven,
SO I SUPPOSE A PERSON MIGHT DESCRIBE MY ASSOCIATION (ACTUALLY MY LIFE) WITH JESUS AND GOD AS A RELATIONSHIP. SO THE RELIGION DOES NOT MATTER TO ME….
BLESSINGS IN JESUS TO ALL…
Sounds like you’ve been blessed with a lot of positive church experiences. And you’re right–it is about a relationship more than religion. Thanks for sharing your experience.
I LOVE my church! My husband and I went to a church of only about 40 people, for several years but there just seemed to be a lot of monotany there….same visiting Preachers, same music, same people…nothing ever changed and there were only about three people that got saved the whole time we were there. We started visiting another Baptist church four mins from our house and we have been there six years! There are about 400 people that attend there. We are always having covered dish get togethers in our Family Life Center and we have a seniors group that my hubby and I are in and we do lots of things with them. One of my friends at church and her husband have been coming there for three or four years and I asked her why they never joined the church. She said she would love to but her husband said he has never felt like he fit in. Well, they are both sweet as they can be but he never talks to anyone. During fellowship time he just shakes hands but does not try to start conversations with anyone. I guess he is shy but I think a person has to be willing to talk to strangers in church in order to become friends and make new bonds with people. I talk to everybody! I have made so many wonderful friends and we have an awesome Pastor and his wife. He is so great at what he does and when he is not there and we have a visiting preacher, it is ok but just not Pastor Zane. God just works so much through him. I am pretty involved in my church and do lots of things and sing in the choir. I know people can sit at home on Sundays and listen to preaching on tv but to me being at church and being fed Gods word just blesses my soul. My church helped us so much during my cancer journey this year and they all still ask me all the time if I am ok and if we need anything. They are precious to us. I just love going to church and being with Gods people. Sure there are some that are stuckup or not friendly and don’t seem to even want to be there but hey that is between them and God…as for me and my house, we WILL worship our Lord. 🙂
Kaye, so glad to hear that your church family waled with you through your cancer treatment; I know that meant the world to you to know that you had that support. I’m happy you’ve found a church you love so much–that’s a good thing!
I try to attend regularly, but sometimes the spirit is a lot more willing than my arthritic joints will allow. My church is small (86 pledges–budget report in this month’s newsletter–, although I think membership is about twice that…possibly married couples only have one pledge?). There are many, many activities, some small group. There are Bible studies, this month an Advent study, social activities–dinner with friends, movie night, book (usually secular) club, prayer shawl, a host of volunteer activities, Pinnochle, Bunco, men’s breakfast, and other small group breakfasts that happen spontaneously, “Good Timers,” which is a monthly pot luck lunch which usually includes a speaker. I don’t often attend these activities, but the times that I have I’ve truly enjoyed them. There also are many months which have additional special activities–ice cream social, softball, talent show, pancake supper, to name a few. It’s a very active, very friendly church! “Open minds, open hearts, open doors.”
Jan, sounds like you’ve found yourself a friendly, lively, active place to worship. I’m happy for you!
I’m just sad that your arthritic joints are not cooperating with the program! Tell them to get with it! 🙂 Thanks for sharing a positive church experience.
I’m what used to be called a “lapsed” Catholic, retired teacher (30 years in the Diocesan School System, and have my Masters in Pastoral Studies. Yet I don’t attend church. I generally try to live my life as I think Jesus would, but I have a harder and harder time with each passing year with the Church (any denomination)as an institution. Seems to me that the larger and longer a church grows, it becomes a “closed system” which is both exclusive and judgmental,i.e., “We have all the answers and anyone who doesn’t believe as we do is damned.” Or something like that.
Jan, you have your Masters in Pastoral Studies and you taught school 30 years? Wow! I can only imagine how much knowledge, experience and wisdom you have accumulated after all that!
I would tend to agree with your comment, “It seems to me that the larger and longer a church grows, it becomes a “closed system” which is both exclusive and judgmental,i.e..” There are few things worse than a denomination that acts like it’s the only one with the “right answers.”
Steve and I have actually read studies that say that the first 20 years that a church is in existence is when they are the most effective, reach out the most, and are not as “closed in.” Which isn’t to say that a church that has been in existence longer (ours is 60 years old) can’t be effective and outward thinking; we just have to be more intentional about it.
I really enjoyed reading your perspective on church, especially since it was shared through the lens of your long involvement in religion. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
I have not attended church regularly for years. I was baptized Catholic and even have a sister who is a Catholic nun but I fell away from organized religion a long time ago. I hope I do not offend anyone but the teachings of the Catholic church and the wrongdoings of some in the church have left me without faith in my church. I do have faith, I just practice it differently and independently. I pray daily. I believe in God and the saints and the Blessed Virgin but I found the Catholic church to be too judgmental and too strict in its beliefs and teachings and requirements as to how to be a good Catholic. I felt shamed into going to church – not wanting to just HAD to go. If you look around at a regular Sunday Mass, it is so obvious that most do not want to be there or are paying attention, they just are fulfilling their requirement of Sunday Mass. I would like to find a place to worship that felt welcom and free and that I was not a sinner if I did not attend every week. I do not believe in the Sacrament of Penance which requires me to confess my sins to a priest. I feel I can do that between myself and my God. I believe God is not as limiting as my “faith” requires me to believe. However, there is a comfort to attending Mass – I think it is just because that is all I have known and it feels like an “old shoe” that fits good enough but needs to be replaced. I struggle with this often and have let my daughters down as far as raising them in a church going family. They are wonderful Christian women but I also recognize the advantages, education and comfort to belonging to a church community. It gives you something to hang on to when you need it most. I think that is why I so enjoy your life with your faith and your church and how open and welcoming it must feel to be a part of that community. I just never knew that feeling from the practice of my religion. Thank you for asking and I have enjoyed all the comments. Bottom line, keep on doing what you are doing because I am certain so many would love to have the faith experience you help provide.
Mary, Steve and I attended a funeral at a Catholic church a few months ago and I was so touched by the ceremonies and the rituals and the traditions. It was a beautiful and meaningful service and I was glad for the chance to step outside my own faith tradition for a little while and experience a different one. I can understand how comforting and familiar those rituals are to you, having been raised in them, but I can also understand how you would feel uncomfortable with other rituals, such as having to confess sins to a priest.
As you yourself said, there are so many advantages to being involved in faith community; I think that even at this point in your life,even after having not attended regularly, you would enjoy finding a faith community of your own, a place where you feel comfortable and welcome and are allowed to skip a Sunday or two, if you need to! 🙂
Although I agree wholeheartedly with you that it is possible to pray and to experience God outside a church setting, there is something so special about joining with other people to worship. Keep your ears and eyes and heart open–you never know what you might find!
I can totally relate to Mary H’s comment! I too was baptized Catholic and am struggling with the Catholic church but I do have faith and practice it privately. Only difference between the two of us is I do not have a sister who is a nun. I would like to explore other churches and take part in their services but I have not made that move yet. I hope to some day have the faith experience you write about. Thank you for sharing yours with all of us.
Becky,
I do attend church regularly, but it is a new church for us. Although we knew a few people from our growing up in the same neighborhood, it was quite different from what we were used to. We came from a church which we helped to organize and were involved in everything, my husband actually was the children’s ministry director for several years. I taught Sunday School, sang in the choir and worked in Children’s church. When we started at the church where we attend now, we felt isolated (I think most of that was us :-))since we were so used to being involved in everything.We have now been there for almost three years and are finally involved, but it was a struggle. Most of the people there had been there for years and although they were welcoming to us, it was still hard since we didn’t feel as though we fit in anywhere. I think that is the major problem in lots of churches, people who have been there forever, don’t realize how left out someone can feel. I try to make a special effort to talk to people, so they don’t feel isolated like we did at first. Don’t get me wrong, we have a wonderful growing church with a wonderful pastor who cares so much for his people and loves our God more than I am able to describe. I am so blessed to be in a church where the gospel is preached with no apologies. Small groups are a wonderful idea and I think it would be a great help for any church to do what you have done there. Wish I lived close enough to attend your church.
Gail, I agree that it is very difficult to leave a church where you are involved in everything and go to a church where you are brand new and have to start from scratch. It can be a long adjustment and I’m glad you and your husband stuck with it and are finally starting to feel like you’re fitting in to your new place.
And kudos to you for making a special effort to welcome newcomers to your church! People who have gone to the same church for their whole lives have no idea what it’s like to walk in some place brand new but YOU do! And your extra effort to be so welcoming will make a big difference to people who are a little shy about starting in some place new.
Thanks so much for sharing your story!
Let’s see….I grew up in a family that did not attend church. I was baptized Catholic, but I am not comfortable with a lot of the Catholic beliefs. So as an adult, I did not pursue the church. I really know very little about other religions. Probably, one would be a good fit, I’m not sure.
In the meantime, I had my boys and the years went by. Then came Sarah. Her arrival was so enlightening, in the spiritual sense, for so many reasons that are far beyond her disabilities. And I became ‘spiritual’, I guess you’d call it. No religious affiliation, but understanding of the highest power. It is trickling out from Sarah to family and friends and it is beautiful to see.
She is just a little girl sitting in a chair, but she has brought to all of us the gift of belief and understanding. The gift of giving. And it’s picking up steam, her effect on others, as she grows, which is interesting.
So because I have all that under my belt, I am now more curious about religions, church and how people pray and worship. I love your posts about your church and all you do, and I feel that it would be nice to have that comradery in my life.
I just don’t know where to find it.
Lesley, your words about your Sarah are so wonderfully precious; what a sweet addition she is to your life. I love how you have been awakened to the fact that, “She is just a little girl sitting in a chair, but she has brought to all of us the gift of belief and understanding.” What a beautiful way to express it!
I’ve enjoyed the “conversations” you and I have had over the years through our blogs and I have found you to be a person of insight and intelligence and compassion. I think the fact that you have started to think more lately about church, religions and prayer might indicate that its time to take a few baby steps and investigate a few options. So many churches have websites now; you could start your search there and see what kind of “feel” you get from visiting the sites of a few churches in your area. In the meantime, give Sarah a hug for me and enjoy Christmas with your family!
I would love to find a small group in a church! I do attend church (not as regularly as I should), but have not found one that I feel at home attending. My situation isn’t the norm with others my age (no children and never married), and that makes it difficult to fit in. Finding a small group has been weighing on me recently, I just am having trouble finding one. I think what your church is doing is wonderful and wish I could find that in my hometown!
Reagan, it’s unfortunate that many people in your situation (no children, never married) aren’t made to feel comfortable in a church setting since so much emphasis seems to be put on families. In the small groups we just started, one of our first priorities was to set up a group for those who are unmarried and that group has been one of our most successful as its members have such a great time sharing their stories and their mutual struggles and joys. I hope you find a place soon where you feel like you can become a part of things; don’t give up the search! (And if all else fails, we’d love for you to move to Manteo!) 🙂
I agree with you about not feeling at home or “fitting in” I, too, have never been married, never had children, etc. And, did not come from a large family myself, so I am basically alone. I often feel like I am on the “outside looking in”. The church I attend (when I attend) has an annual “Parish Festival”. One year when they were seeking volunteers for the festival, I decided to volunteer. Well, after several phone calls went unreturned, I finally reached someone who told me, “I guess we can find something for you to do, we are really looking for families to volunteer together.” Oh, I forget to mention, I also attended school at this parish! What a way to make someone feel welcome!
Anonymous, I have to say that it really stinks you were treated that way! I really can’t imagine telling someone in our church we didn’t want them to volunteer because they were’t part of a family; we’ve got tons of single volunteers and they are FABULOUS! Again, I’m sorry.
Becky, I appreciate your comment, but you really have nothing to be sorry for…some people are just uncouth. It is extremely ironic that they said that, because for years my father (without the help of his family) volunteered to construct the booths prior to the festival and then “tear them down” for storage after the festival. I guess they (the festival committee) figured a single man to do the heavy work was better than a single woman to work at the festival. I tried to do as Jesus would have done, and forgive, so, yes, I did volunter that year, and yes, they did find something for me to do. Alhtough I am still a member of that parish (having been one since I was a year old and my family moved to the area) I find myself attending church at a neighboring parish sometimes more frequently than in the past.
Anonymous, I’m afraid it’s true–some people just really are uncouth and just don’t have a lot of people skills.
It sounds like you had a wonderful example of big- heartedness and community-mindedness in your father who volunteered so much of his time and effort to help the festival. (He sounds like a talented fella!)
Glad to know you’ve found a neighboring parish that you enjoy attending.
I might go to something like this if i knew someone else going but that is just me. ive never been too comfortable going places by myself. I do not go to church on a regular basis. I do not go because i do not follow the rules and feel as if i would be slapping God in the face by going. i do not exactly plan on changing. I do not see marriage in my future, it was never something i ever really dwelled on as a child either. I have two boys and have lived with their father on and off. Right now we do not live together because i live back at home and there is no privacy and he likes his privacy. We do plan on living together again once i get a home. He is my best friend and i love him to death but as a couple we just do not work. Our situation is odd but it does work for us.It also makes sense to live together because i work night 4 nights a week and why pay for two places when he would be at my place 4 nights a week to take care of the boys. I also do not go because the few places i have gone just rub me the wrong way. I do respect people who have strong religious beliefs but for me its not something i really have, so i do not feel going to a place to worship is something i want to do.
Becky, thanks so much for sharing your story; I really enjoyed reading your perspective!
I agree that it can be a bit intimidating to walk into a church all by yourself; you would definitely enjoy a smaller group experience as opposed to the Big Crowd experience.
As far as feeling like you’d be “slapping God in the face” by attending church when you don’t follow the rules, please know that God loves you whether you follow certain rules or not. Someone famous once said, “There’s nothing you can do to make God love you more and nothing you can do to make God love you less.” He just loves you!
Your sons are lucky to have parents who work hard to provide for them and make a good life for them. I hope that someday (maybe soon) you will find a small church or a small group setting that works for your schedule and your family.
I love small groups. I really does help getting with getting to know people better. Especially when I have an internship somewhere and I’ll only be there for a couple months, I tend to only go to a church if they also have a small group.
It also doesn’t hurt when they have food. 🙂
Luke, yep, food is a great addition to any sort of gathering! 🙂 And I can only imagine how helpful small groups are to you when you’re only going to be somewhere a short while; helps you to plug in quickly which is a good thing!
Not exactly connections, but I began hosting Gaggles several years ago. The back story is that 4-6 women from church would get together for fellowship and dinner. God asked me the question, “What about the women who do not have 4 friends to go to dinner with? From this grew the Gaggle (named by my husband for the noise we make). The idea is to invite 5 more people than you can possible fit in your dining room. It is essential that everyone is at the same table. We begin the Gaggle with a brief sharing of joys and concerns (brief because some folks have a lot of joy and some a ton of concerns), grace and an inexpensive meal. Menu ideas: I bake a bunch of potatoes and everyone brings a topping, or I clean a lot of salad greens and everyone brings a topping….). During the meal, I ask one simple question and each person must answer. It gives the shy folks a chance to have the floor for just a minute to be heard. Rules are no man bashing, no self bashing and no gossip. To date, the largest event has been 24 women, some from our church, some not. The most popular question is, “Tell me something wonderful about yourself–not your kids, your spouse–you.” We end with prayer and watery eyes from laughter, tears, and the experience of being together.
Kristy, I LOVE this idea! (And the name is a HOOT; your husband did a good job picking it!) 🙂 I love the idea of getting more women than will comfortably fit at the table (adds to the merriment, no doubt), the simple meal ideas and the great questions you have asked. I also love your rules–absolutely perfect guidelines for a gathering of that sort.
We do something similar once a month at church; we call it Chick Chat and everyone brings her own simple meal with them; either from the drive thru at McDonalds, a light salad, or leftovers. All we do is chat and laugh and tell stories–simple, sweet and a great way for women to get to know each other.
Thanks so much for sharing your wonderful idea!