My guest blogger today is someone you may have heard of once or twice: Miss Sarah Smith!
Sarah and I have had many conversations over the years about personality, temperaments, and introversion; they are subjects she is passionate about. Sarah is especially passionate about helping other people understand themselves better and with that in mind, I asked her to share her thoughts with you today.
Towards the end of my junior year of high school, I had the honor of being invited to join the National Honor Society. During my interview with the school board and NHS leaders, one of the questions the principal asked me was, “Are there any changes you would suggest to make this school better?”
My answer was, “Maybe encourage teachers to allow more time after asking questions, especially thought-provoking ones, before moving on. That way, introverted students can process the question and come up with a fully formed answer. As an introvert, I find that a lot of times more extroverted students beat me to the chase because they are more talkative but they don’t always have the right answer.”
I remember the principal’s words almost exactly. “Aw, Sarah, don’t say that about yourself! You’re not an introvert! You’re a very confident young lady!”
Stifling a laugh, I simply smiled and explained, “Well, I think of myself as a confident introvert,” before moving on with the interview. There wasn’t time for me to give my usual impassioned discourse on what introversion is.
I love explaining the different types of personality – a rather misunderstood topic – to anyone who will listen; however, it was only in the past few years that I learned about it for myself. Understanding my personality, as well as the personalities of those around me, has opened my eyes and enriched my life.
Throughout my elementary and middle school years, I sometimes felt like there was something wrong with me. I loved hanging out with my friends, but would often request that they go home after only two or three hours of being at my house. I enjoyed spending time with my friends, going on fearless adventures around neighborhoods and backyards, but then I would return to my bedroom and realize how exhausted I was.
I would think, “Why does having fun tire me out?
Then I would rest, read, write, and generally ponder the universe and would start to feel better, energized, even.
During my seventh-grade Health Class, I remember happening upon a small paragraph in the textbook about how peoples’ personalities are different; some people are introverted and others are extroverted. The textbook said something along the lines of “Extroverts are very outgoing and fun to be around,” before posing the question, “Do you know anyone who is quiet and shy? They might be an introvert.”
The paragraph ended there, as if that explained everything. After reading it, I paused and thought, Yeah, I like to listen more than a lot of people, and I’m not constantly talking like some of my classmates.
But I did not really relate to the word “shy.” Being in a small school that was a part of my church, I knew just about everyone around me and could be downright talkative when discussing something about which I was passionate. I was a naturally friendly and curious pastor’s daughter who had spent much of her life traveling to new places and meeting new people, whether in the countless churches where my parents had ministered or in hospitals during my cancer treatment.
So even after reading that (rather shallow) description of introversion, I still didn’t realize that I was indeed an introvert. Looking back, I now know why. That textbook definition hardly scratched the surface of what an introvert is.
It wasn’t until I discovered Susan Cain’s groundbreaking TED Talk “The Power of Introverts” that I began to understand my personality. Susan provided a much better definition than the one found in my outdated, middle school health textbook. She put into words what I had always felt: I loved people but I also needed alone time after socializing to recharge.
Author Sophia Dembling agrees with Susan Cain’s statement in her article, putting it this way:
“Yes, both shyness and introversion relate to socializing, but shy people are scared of socializing. Introverts just aren’t always interested in it. While there can be crossover, they’re not mutually exclusive.”
I came to realize that a “confident introvert” is not a paradox and I adopted the phrase to describe myself.
I did more research into the subject, learning that the main difference between extroverts and introverts is how their brains process stimuli.
There is actually a third personality type called an ambivert, which is someone who is between an introvert and an extrovert.
One type of temperament is not better than the other; it is simply how we were hardwired. God made our personalities all over the spectrum and the world wouldn’t function if everyone was just one personality type.
My mom has mentioned in previous blog entries that she is also introverted. She and I have discovered that we have very similar personality types on the Myer’s Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) scale.
According to this scale used by psychologists, there are sixteen basic personality types that can be used to describe people; eight of these types are introverted and the other eight are extroverted.
I am what is known as an INFJ and my mom is an INFP, so we understand each other quite well. My dear friend, Hope, is also an INFJ like me. Since it is one of the rarer personality types, it’s no wonder we were drawn to each other!
That is not to say introverts and extroverts cannot coexist, my parents being a great example.
My dad is an extrovert who never meets a stranger.
He can even make me act a little extroverted sometimes!
Mom is very much his opposite and yet the two of them get along swimmingly.
Opposites, even in something as major as personality, certainly can attract as their strengths and weaknesses keep each other in balance.
The MBTI personality types can’t tell you exactly who you are, of course, but can be a great tool to help you better understand yourself and how you interact with those around you.
If you are interested in learning what your personality type is, you can take a free quiz at 16personalities.com. I also recommend checking out Susan Cain’s book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking (as well as her TED Talk video I mentioned before) and Introverts in the Church by Adam S. McHugh.
I find joy in helping people learn about themselves and the way God created them; I hope this post has been helpful to you in understanding yourself better.
Mom and I would love to hear your comments, questions or experiences on this subject, especially on your thoughts as to whether you are an introvert or extrovert.
Very interesting post Sarah. I am going to take that quiz. I would think that I am an extrovert in most situations although the older I get, I have become more of an introvert but again maybe that is just getting old and tired. 🙂 You write so well, it was a pleasure to read your post.
Mel,
Thank you! I have found that personality does tend to change as we get older and mature, though some aspects pretty much stay consistent no matter what. From your description, you might be ambiverted! 🙂
Sarah
Sarah, your blog post was very well written and interesting. I will check out 16personalities.com after I finish this comment. As for opposites, that would be my husband and I – he is very much an extrovert and I am more of an introvert. I need my quiet, alone time!
Kari,
Thanks! I hope you find the info on the site useful, even if it isn’t exactly a spot-on of your personality. You should have your husband take the quiz, too, to see how your strengths and weaknesses complement each other.
Sarah
quite insightful and well written, Sarah!
i found that many of my Preschoolers would blurt out an answer when I asked a group question, so I would say,
“Wait until I raise my hand before you answer.” … hoping that given a few extra seconds, others would be able to process the question, and then answer. Did your high school teachers respond positively to your suggestion?
I also imagine that your hearing loss wears you out when focusing on conversations in a group situation, and “Home Alone” is a welcomed respite.
Mrs. Pam,
Thanks so much! That’s a wonderful technique to allow students to fully process your questions. I don’t recall any particular instances of teachers making a point to wait after I had made my suggestion, but they may have integrated it without me noticing.
You are quite right about the hearing loss; it varies from person to person, but conversations with people do require some extra focus in the audio part of my brain. The hearing aids do help, though!
Sarah
Superb article, Sarah!! You are a gifted writer, and I join your parents in being incredibly proud of you! ~ I am truly… IN(your debt)FJ 😉
Mr. Fred,
Thanks so much! That means a lot coming from someone with a psychology major! 🙂
Sarah
Fred,
I loved your sign off! 🙂
I took the test and it came out ISFJ-T (A) Defender. I have always thought of myself as an introvert because I enjoy alone time. Thanks for the posting.
Mrs. Ann,
Indeed, we introverts love our alone time! 🙂 Glad you enjoyed!
Sarah
Well, I took the quiz and it tells me I am an ISFJ-A. A Defender. I haven’t finished reading the whole thing yet, but the majority of it is right on. It’s fun to learn about myself! 🙂
Great post Sarah!
Leeanne,
I’m glad you’ve found the information insightful so far! The website really is a great tool.
Sarah
Well fancy meeting you here! 🙂 you are such a great writer, Sarah! I really enjoyed your insights into the personality types, a subject that also fascinates me. I’m right in there with you as an introvert, tried and true! 🙂 so proud of you!
Love, Aunt Deb
Aunt Debbie,
Why, hello there! 🙂 Thanks so much! It seems that introversion rather runs in the family: you, Mom, Aunt Ruth, your mom, and I are all on the quiet side!
Sarah
Wonderful post, Sarah, I am a confident introvert as well, as a kid, I loved coming home from school on a Friday afternoon and going up to my room to READ!!! On the other hand, my sister would drop her books at the mail box and take off with the neighborhood kids to roller skate, climb trees, trek through the woods, my Mom was always encouraging me to get out more…but I liked time with myself…..as I got into high school, I became more “outgoing”, but still preferred a handful of really close friends and time with myself……I do tend to talk a lot when I am around people, something I picked up from my Mom, who was the ultimate extrovert, so people would be surprised that I am really pretty shy and prefer one on one or small groups….my husband and daughter are extroverts and my son follows in my shoes…..but we all get along pretty well! I am going to check out the website you recommended, it sounds very interesting..and BTW, I don’t mind being an introvert!!!
Dale,
Thank you! High school does have a way of bringing us out of our shells, especially with new opportunities for leadership positions. I was involved in several clubs through high school and they helped me learn a lot about working with others. I’m glad to hear you take pride in your introversion! 🙂
Sarah
Hi Sarah –
So glad to read your post. It’s something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. My mom is wickedly introverted, and my dad – he’s like me – we’re a little bit of both.. though sometimes I think I’m more introverted than amibiverted. I live alone with my dog and 2 cats and I wonder, if I were married, if my introversion would become a bigger factor.
Anyhow, I’m watching the TED talk you mentioned, and I’m also starting to plan my summer trip to visit my best friend in Amman, Jordan. I go there every 2 years to visit my best friend and her family who are Palestinians who live in Jordan. Last time I was there I realized that I what I love about their culture is that it is a very extroverted culture, in a way that ours isn’t. It’s communal. So, I’m listening to the TED talk, having just read your post, and starting to think about my trip to Amman and I wonder if this notion of extroversion and introversion is a western construct and how much this resonates in other cultures? Is what we see as extroversion, really just being communal? I don’t know, this is what I’m thinking in this moment.
Brooke,
I know several people who are somewhere between introverted and extroverted, especially depending on their situation; I think that’s natural!
America as a whole does seem to favor the more extroverted personalities, especially in the business world, more than other countries. But many great leaders and innovators through history have been introverts. I’m sure it will be fascinating for you to travel to another culture with this in mind!
Sarah
I just discovered this blog a few months ago, and am delighted with it. This was especially interesting and very informative. I took the test and discovered myself in the findings. Most was not a surprise, as I knew I was an extrovert. I am ESFJ=A, but I received some new insight, and found it to be on point. This just proves we can always grow and learn, as I am 86 and still going strong.
Vivian,
Even though Sarah is going to reply to the majority of the comments for her post, I had to jump in here and say I am honored to have an 86-year old reading my blog! I love that you said you can always grow and learn; what a great attitude to take with you into your 80’s and beyond.
I’m curious as to how you came across the blog? So happy you are here!
Vivian,
Welcome to Smithellaneous! 🙂 I’m glad my writing and the website I shared resounded with you. Life is all about changing and growing, as we continue to discover ourselves.
Sarah
Sarah,
I am a pretty regular Smithellaneous reader and thought I would chime in here. 🙂
I just wanted to say thanks for taking the time to write such a great post and helping all of us to think more about what makes who we are. I’ve always been inspired by your passion on this subject and am glad you took the time to share your knoweldge and experience with the Smithellaneous family.
I am so thankful to be your mom!
Mom,
Thank you muchly! <3 It was an honor to be invited onto your blog.
I'm thankful to be your daughter!
Sarah
So beautifully articulated, dear Sarah! I’ve long been fascinated by personality studies. I also enjoy reading about and observing the information available through “body language.” Hugs to one of my favorite introverts!
Sheri,
Thanks so much, Mrs. Sheri! I’m actually taking a very interesting class called Interpersonal Communication right now. The textbook is Looking Out, Looking In by Ronald Adler and Russell Proctor II and I think you might enjoy it! It talks a lot about body language and other nonverbal communication. Hugs to one of my favorite extroverts! 🙂
Sarah
Great post. I too am an introvert and have been told I need to speak up in meetings more. Part of it is I don’t talk just to hear myself. But like you, I like to think through the question before formulating my answer. Also, many of my peers are more outspoken than me so sometimes it’s hard for me to be heard when I am trying to say something.
I have taken many personality tests over the years. I am an ISFJ. Interestingly enough, our market president has the exact opposite personality than me. My prior analysis describes my type as The Protector. On the Meyers Briggs Animal, I’m a Deer.
I’ve done the DISC assessment and Gallup Strengths but don’t have those results with me at work. On the color, I’m a gold with blue a very close second.
I would bet that Nathan is an extrovert also!
Phyllis,
Thank you! It can sometimes be difficult to get a word in edgewise when surrounded by more fast-talking folks. Email is certainly a beautiful thing! 🙂 I didn’t realize there were so many other personality type tests. It makes sense, though, as personality is one of the most complex things there is.
Actually, I think Nathan is more of an ambivert. He can be very goofy and outgoing like Dad when he’s with people he’s comfortable around, but he does need his quiet time like Mom does.
Sarah
Very interesting post Sarah. I came up as ISFJ, the confident individualist, the defender. That’s about right. It’s great how you pointed out that opposites can make it work as they fill in each other’s gaps. And it appears as no surprise to me that you and your mom came out similar–both gems!
Leslie,
Thanks! As much as we want to be independent sometimes, we need other people to round us out! 🙂
Sarah
Sarah, I think it is wonderful that you know so much about yourself at this young age. It took me to age 65 before I realized that I was an introvert, and it explained so many things that had puzzled me about myself, and that made me think there was something wrong with me! Since I was a teacher and had to be “on” all day, I was exhausted by day’s end. Now I should carry a card I could hand to people to let them know what being an introvert means. I have no doubts that you will lead a long and happy life because you know so much about yourself and what you need. God bless!
Liz,
I’m sure it must have been a relief to realize the truth about yourself, especially after all that time! Teachers have a very demanding job: constantly working their mental and social muscles. An “introvert card” would be a very handy thing to have on hand! 🙂
Sarah
So I just took the test and while some of it is true other areas are not. But it says I’m a ISFP-T adventurer. I don’t know about all that? But I will go with it. Lol!
Catherine,
There are many version of the MBTI test with different sets of questions out there. You could try another one, just to see if another perspective from a different set of questions. Here’s another one to try! http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
Sarah
Wow Sarah what a great post. I am so impressed with your passion to help others learn themselves. My husband (who I waited until I was 40 to meet) is an introvert and I am an extravert. We get along well- the most important thing for us is for me to honor his need for quiet and solitude. He usually spends a half hour or so after work downstairs while I prepare dinner and that gives him the downtime he needs.
I’m like your Dad (and mine) never meet a stranger and love hanging out with people for hours and hours.
We say at our house neither is better it’s just how God made us!
Thank you for sharing! I have been following your Mom’s blog for years, but rarely comment. I enjoy seeing you doing so well!!
Heather
Heather,
Thank you! I’m glad to hear you understand each other’s needs for recharging; that’s very important to any relationship! Agreed; God designed our personalities specifically for us! 🙂
Thanks for commenting! Mom and I hope you write back again soon!
Sarah
EXCELLENT! I, too, am an introvert – and the rarest-of-the-rare on the MBTI scale: INTJ. I’ve also found yet another “label” for introverts, and it explains what I am: The Outgoing Introvert. I enjoy talking and meeting people, and since I work as a business developer/marketer, it requires that I be “on” a LOT. A lot more than I’m generally comfortable with. So – when I’m at a conference or other out-of-town marketing event, I typically retreat to my hotel room immediately after dinner/drinks to SLEEP. And sleep, I do. Like 10-12 hours, because people-ing makes me so very tired. 🙂
I’m also a strong D in the DiSC assessment ( https://www.discinsights.com/personality-style-d#.WJ3dH_KaVSA ). That’s a hard one to live with, as being labeled that way can have negative connotations. 🙂
Have you heard of the Gallup CliftonStrengths? I took that assessment for work, and found that my most dominant strength is “Futuristic,” which I love. 🙂 I love dreaming about the future and upcoming adventures.
Stefanie,
I’ve heard the INFJ called the Outgoing Introvert, as well, and it makes sense! Your kind of job sounds like it would be a stretching experience for an introvert, but it sounds like you’ve learned how to handle it. Retreating is always such a lovely reward! ?
I believe i’ve heard of the Gallup Clifton Strengths in my high school psychology class, but I don’t believe I’ve ever taken it. Introverts do tend to be dreamers, so your “Futuristic” strength makes sense! ?
Sarah
Great post, Sarah!
Thanks, daddy-o! 🙂
Sarah