No news.
The paper they gave us after the biopsy said that results could take two weeks. However, I have browsed through a few websites about core needle biopsies and read that a straightforward result should take 2-4 days, and a result needing more complicated testing could take up to ten days.
Since we are eight days past the biopsy we are definitely getting close to an answer which is a good thing, because I honestly don’t think my nerves can stand another week of waiting. I don’t go anywhere without my phone within arm’s reach and every time it rings my heart rate jumps, my blood pressure shoots up and I wonder how I will ever find the courage to even squeak out the feeblest, “Hello.”
And then I look at Caller I.D. and see that it’s my pharmacy. Or the dog groomer. Big sigh.
This is what the floor around my writing chair looked like the first day after the biopsy.
I’ve been keeping the Kleenex Corporation in business in the days since then, still tending to get teary-eyed out of the blue. It happened again this past Sunday during our worship team rehearsal when we were practicing Chris Tomlin’s song, Blessed Be Your Name.
The song says, in part:
Blessed be your name, on the road marked with suffering
Though there’s pain in the offering
Blessed be your amenEvery blessing you pour out I’ll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in Lord, still I will say
Blessed be your nameYou give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name
About three-fourths of the way through singing those words, I had turned into a pitiful, blubbering basket case. Although I kept on playing my keyboard, I was completely unable to sing.
After the song was finished Steve said, “It sounded like we were missing a harmony part. Becky, were you in the mix?”
And then he turned around, took one look at my face and said, “Oh.” He put down his bass guitar, walked over to my sniffling self and presented me with a hug and a Kleenex.
During the few minutes between rehearsal and our morning service, our drummer, David, came up to me with a gentle smile and a brand new box of Kleenex. He told me that he was going to put the box within easy reach of my keyboard, “Just in case you might need them.”
Such a sweet congregation. They have hugged us, and prayed for us, and brought us meals, and asked after Sarah time and time again.
And it’s not just our church people who have been so kind. Sarah’s friend, Hope, and her mom drove six hours round trip, just so that Hope could spend a couple of hours with Sarah. So much love.
Sarah also got a message on Facebook from her childhood friend, Victoria. It said,
I’m praying for you Sarah, and trusting God that all will be okay, and that He will heal you from any disease or illness that may be in your body. You’ve got this girl. And, most importantly, God’s got YOU! Love you and praying for you constantly.
And with all of the amazingly encouraging comments you all have been leaving? We are truly surrounded by love.
I thought I’d post a few photos from last week’s trip. As I mentioned in an earlier post, we decided to leave a few hours ahead of time so that we could enjoy at least part of the day before the traumatic part of it arrived.
Steve, in his thoughtful way, collected a blanket and a neck pillow for Sarah so that she’d be able to rest on the way home.
Sarah got out a trip CD by one of her favorite artists, Owl City.
The two of us nestled our cups of water together in the cup holders . . .
and we were off! (Sarah drove and I took pictures.)
Once we got to Greenville, we headed to one of my favorite thrift stores where, just for the fun of it, Sarah tried on this dress.
This photo has nothing to do with the dress; I just wanted to show you the back of her very cute haircut!
As Sarah was looking at herself in the mirror, she made the comment that she would like her wedding dress to have that same sort of cascading skirt.
My heart caught in my throat.
I remembered back to her early cancer treatment days when we thought she’d never make it through high school, let alone a wedding.
But now, gazing at my gowned, grown up girl in the mirror, I could very easily picture her standing in a wedding dress and getting ready to walk down the aisle toward that fabulous man of hers whom we are all so eager to meet.
I wondered if she would walk the aisle as a one-time cancer survivor or as a two-time survivor. I wondered what additional scars she might carry on her body during that walk.
And when I was done with my wonderings, I just stood and gave thanks for the beauty of this child of mine and for the nineteen years we’ve had so far.
Yes, the phone will ring. And yes, some news will come. But regardless of what words come over the phone, I will go back to the words of Sunday’s song:
My heart will choose to say, Lord, blessed be Your name.
My heart has so much love for this family I’ve never met 🙂
Still keeping you very close in prayer and very near to my heart,
Sincerely, with love and prayers.
Kim
Kim,
What a very dear thing to say. Thank you so much! (And Sarah loved her gift!) 🙂
A bit off topic, but I do love the haircut and the dress 🙂 Why didn’t we have cool haircuts when we were Sarah’s age?? You all have been on my mind, especially so that last few days–praying!! hugs
Lorrie,
I know, right? We really needed better hair back in The Day.
Prayers and good thoughts continue to be sent your way. Waiting is horrid!
Jan,
Horrid, indeed. At least we know it will eventually have an end!
I started reading Sarah’s Caringbridge blog years ago when my brother was ill and subsequently diagnosed with an aggressive lymphoma. Waiting is so difficult. I pray for peace and comfort for all of your family. By the way, my brother’s lymphoma was cured!
Robin,
Having a brother with lymphoma would definitely teach you lessons in waiting. And how wonderful to know your brother was cured. Hooray!
May your mind also follow your heart’s choice… Blessed be His name.
Mrs. Pam,
Thank you Mrs. Pam, for a beautiful thought.
Someone else may have already said this, I didn’t take time to read through all the comment but a friend of mine had a biopsy several years ago. It took forever to get the results. Thankfully it was good news. She said bad new comes fast because once they find cancer they stop looking. If they don’t find it though, they keep looking. Praying that’s the case for Sarah!
Love your Tervis cups! I have 3 of the big ones, 2 stay at home and 1 at work, 1 medium size one and 2 mugs. My mom and dad like the mugs also because with my dad’s arthritic hands, it’s easy for him to hold on to.
Phyllis,
Sarah got me my Tervis cup for Christmas; she had bought one for herself and just loved it. I use mine all day, every day!
Sending you all so much love and hugs. Praying along with you and keeping you close at this difficult time. Hope that the phone rings today bearing good news for Sarah. Take care, Becky.
Sumathi,
Waiting for that phone to ring . . . thanks for your compassionate words and for waiting with us.
Praying with you as we wait.
Angela,
Praying. Waiting. It’s the substance of our days.
Waiting along with you Sarah, and Steve. As I read thru the blog entry I was listening to Casting Crowns’ song, “Praise You in this Storm.” It is one of my favorite songs and I have listened to it numerous times. HUGS!
Kristi,
LOVE that song! It’s one of those I wish I had written. 🙂 Thanks for reminding me of it.
I admit I have not kept up with the journal lately. I am the godmother of Tommy, Hunter and Ciara Bennett. Tom and Sarah had transplants together at Duke and Tommy passed in 2003, Hunter, his older brother died last week. As emotions swept over me I thought of Sarah and pulled up the journal. I am just catching up now. Many prayers for Sarah and for your whole family. I hope the coming days bring good news.
Alyssa,
I remember Tommy; such a sweet boy. And so sad to know that Hunter has passed away as well. I know you have been a great strength and comfort to his family. Thanks for stopping by; it was great to see your name!
Wishing I could give you guys a BIG hug!! Still and always praying… Gods got this!!! Love ya’s!! HUGS!! Beautiful dress and so is the lady in it.
Catherine,
Cyber hugs are also accepted! 🙂
I read this through twice, and found myself thinking about the strength of your family’s faith. And I wonder, are you the people you are because of the strength of your faith? Or is the strength of your faith a result of the people you are?
Regardless of the answer, it’s both amazing and slightly intimidating. And it’s lovely to genuinely believe that no matter when the call arrives, and no matter what words are spoken when it does… that faith will carry through whatever comes next.
Kristina,
A good question and I can’t quite think of a succinct and wise answer; but it gives ME something to think about! And yes, we are trusting our faith to carry us, regardless of what the call says.
Praying the waiting will soon be over and the news is good. I love Sarah’s short haircut. It looks so cute on her. She is such beautiful girl inside and out.
Joy,
Yes, I wish my hair was a cute as hers! 🙂
Praying
Margie–many thanks!
You know there is a saying in the military “Hurry up and wait”. I think your family and Sarah have had to live that saying far too often. I’m believing that when the news comes it will be good. This is just another chapter in Sarah’s story, hopefully a very small one. One that ends with a big sigh and renewed hope for the future. That wedding day is going to come and we are all going to be smiling and crying even its via a computer.
Rachel,
Hurry up and wait is right. Whoever knew waiting could be so very hard? And yes, I’m looking forward to that big Wedding Day!!
More prayers for all of you!
Thank you so much, Diane!
Always in my thoughts…
((((hugs))))
Renee,
Being in someone’s thoughts and getting hugs? A wonderful thing! 🙂
Still praying, thinking of you always and said another rosary for you all today!! Hugs from a warmer 35 degree Iowa,
Marjie
Marjie,
Enjoy your “balmy” weather! Thank you for the continued prayers.
Praying for you all.
CJ, we are so grateful!
Hang in there Mama!
Lesley,
This mama is hangin’ on tight!
Thank goodness for caller id these days-will give you a couple of seconds to prepare/pray when that call does come! When I was pregnant 25 years ago with my daughter, we had an increased chance of downs syndrome baby. Went through the whole amnio and the 2 weeks of waiting. Every day, I would come home from work at lunch and hope/wait for the phone to ring. And then when it did, held my breath as I answered because I had no idea if it was them on the other end…it all came back fine but it was still hard waiting. Praying for you guys.
Nicole,
Oh my, what an experience that must have been for you, never knowing who was calling till you picked it up. You’re absolutely right–having a few seconds to prepare myself will make all the difference.
So glad you got good news after your long, harrowing wait!
I think if it were to happen now and I didn’t have a caller id of some kind, I would go buy a phone that did have it! What we didn’t know back then, right!
Nicole,
I agree. A phone with caller id (now that those have been invented!) is a necessity in this sort of situation.
I don’t think that there is anything I can add to all the comments! I ditto them all! I love Sarah’s hair cut … hmmm, may have to copy!
I love her haircut, too, Guerrina! I was thinking the same thing about copying it, and then realized that I probably can’t pull it off 😉 . But it is really lovely on her!
Guerrina,
Actually I’m a little jealous of Sarah’s hair cut; she carries it off so well!
Thinking of you every day.
– Olivia
Oliva, thanks so much. And it always makes me smile to see your mustache icon show up! 🙂
The part about “pain in the offering” brought tears to my eyes. That must have taken courage to sing/ play. Know that there is no place God isn’t. That means that even in our deepest pain and the most difficult experiences of our lives, that God too is there. In the part of your heart that is filled with compassion and fear for your daughter, the part of your soul that aches as you wait for the news, God alone is right there in that deepest place with you. And also know you have a whole lot of people, both near and from afar, who care about your family and are walking with you.
Jenna,
Thanks for those wise words birthed–I know–from your own suffering and challenges. Hugs to you today!
Remember that virtual waiting room? Once again, it is SRO – standing room only!! So many people are lifting their prayers, me included! I hope you get the news soon. The waiting is sooo hard, I know!! (Sarah looks gorgeous in that dress, by the way! It really suits her!) Love from the frozen North xoxo
Anne,
A SRO Waiting Room. That’s a good feeling to NOT be alone in the wait!
I think that this is the perfect cut for Sarah – grown up young lady but you can still see the little girl in her. Love the dress and would love to see it with that brown old fashioned hat she has
Becky,
I agree–the old fashioned brown hat would have been delightful with that dress.
Prayers, constant prayers.
Mary,
Many, many thanks.
Very cute haircut! I’m looking forward to the day that you post those wedding gown photos. 🙂 Praying, praying.
LeeAnne,
I’m looking forward to that day, too! 🙂
Hahaha… when Sarah gets married someone is going to have to pry the camera from Becky’s hand so that she can experience at least part of the day with her own eyes rather than through the camera lens! I anticipate a minimum of six month’s worth of posts stemming from the wedding day alone. Add that to the pre- (the ceremony, location, dress fittings, bridesmaids, decorations) and post- (clean-up, recuperation, honeymoon, gift opening) events? Easily two full years worth of 3-4 times-a-week blogging!
‘Twill be such fun!!
Kristina,
You know me so well! (Except maybe we should extend it to three years?) 🙂
Ha, sure… three years of Sarah’s wedding and the corresponding pictures sounds like a good time!!
I just noticed the name that posted here…. interesting.
Perhaps I shall henceforth be known as Kristinaristina
She looks so lovely in that dress, and now picture it in white! Not only praying, but thanking God for His peace and assurance in answering.
Sharyn,
Peace and assurance are exactly what we need, whatever the news!
Praying and still hoping the news will be soon. Sara’s hair is so pretty and that dress was beautiful.
Shawn,
Hoping along with you for “soon news!” Tomorrow would be good!
Prayers all the time. Sarah looks so pretty in that gown. Jim visited the surgeon yesterday and he agrees with the VA doctor that the places are fatty tissue. He is 98% sure it is not cancer but will take the larger one out and biopsy it as soon as the VA gets the paperwork approved. At least it will be done locally. Thankful for that opinion and waiting for good news for Sarah. Sending love, prayers, and hugs.
Ann,
So glad to hear the good news about Jim–98% sounds like a good number to me! Thanks for the prayers and hugs.
I wish I could take away your anxiety and worry. But I turn to God and pray that He can give you peace and comfort that only He can. She is beautiful and the dress and color was just perfect…..just like she is. You and your family I carry in me heart with continued prayers on my lips……..
Judy,
One of my favorite verses is about “the God of all comfort.” How true that is!
Good heavens, I think Sarah just gets more beautiful as time passes! Love the haircut. Still praying for your sweet family and I keep remembering what got me through my own long wait – “I’ve read the last page…I know how it ends no matter what the journey brings and it’s all good! God’s got this.” Love and hugs…
Suzanne,
God’s got this, indeed!
The news will be great. Then you get to put this behind and look ahead at all the wonderful things to come. Prayers for all
Asma,
We are definitely looking forward to seeing what’s ahead–the waiting is a tough time!
Praying.
Thanks so much, Paige!