It’s hard being the mama of a growing up child. I went through this Growing Up Child Syndrome with Nathan and it’s hitting me again smack between the eyes with Sarah.
I posted Sunday that Sarah is spending the week at UNC-Wilmington. She was selected by a teacher at school to receive a scholarship to attend a leadership camp there which of course, we were thrilled—and a little nervous—about.
You see, Sarah and I are dyed-in-the-wool, card-carrying, implacable, incurable, inveterate introverts. We are never happier than when we are in a quiet place having quiet thoughts. And so for her to spend five days at a university with a whole horde of strangers was a bit of a scary prospect, although she was excited about the opportunity.
One thing that helped her cope with the thought of being away for a week was that I was going to be driving her to Wilmington. She could plan on five hours of Cocooned-In-The-Mini-Van-With-Mom Time to help prepare her for the pending Unconcooned-At-The-University-Without-Mom Time.
So. Our plan was in place. We were to leave at 5:30 am Monday morning.
However, at about 8:30 Sunday night, a few things shifted and it turned out that Sarah would be riding to the camp with some other local campers and then I, in turn, would go back Friday to pick them all up.
The change in plans saved me from having to make two lengthy, expensive round trips so it was a good thing in that regard. However, when I told Sarah about it, she was a little hesitant about making a long road trip in a vehicle peopled with a variety of veritable strangers. I hugged her, prayed with her, and said, “Well, Sarah, the good news is that you don’t have to leave until 7 am!” (Instead of the earlier time she and I had been planning on.)
Well.
Yesterday morning, Steve (who is usually up before six) suddenly shot straight up out of bed and yelled, “Becky! Sarah is supposed to leave at 6 o’clock!”
I shot straight up into the air beside him and yelled back, “Well, it is 6 o’clock!”
He said, “I know! She’s late!”
As it turns out, during the plan-changing conversation the night before, my sleepy, muddled, middle-aged brain had gotten confused on the time, and so I had ended up imparting to my child a departure time that was actually one hour later than the actual departure time.
I proceeded to put a whole gaggle of gold medalist runners to shame as I erupted from the bed and went shrieking through the house to find Sarah. Thankfully, she is a self-service kind of child and had already gotten herself up. She was walking placidly through the quiet kitchen, thoughtfully pondering breakfast when I slid around the corner and hollered, “Sarah, you’re supposed to leave at 6 o’clock!”
She said, “Mom, it is 6 o’clock!”
I said, “I know! I told you wrong! I’ll fix you a snack to take along! Get dressed! Brush your teeth! Get your sleeping bag! Go! Run! Hurry!”
I speedily slathered some peanut butter onto a slice of bread for her and then rushed upstairs to throw on some clothes. I was flailing around in the closet, half-cocked and half-clothed when Steve (who was still in his pajamas) yelled, “The doorbell! They’re here! It’s time! Where’s Sarah?”
I heard Sarah gallop from the third floor down to the front door to tell the driver that she was on the way and then sprint back upstairs.
I finished dressing, ran to the third floor, grabbed Sarah’s luggage and raced out to the vehicle. With my sticking-up hair and makeup-less face, I probably caused the folks in the truck all manner of early morning trauma.
Of course, all my sprinting had left me rather breathless and so when I arrived at the vehicle, I was gasping and heaving and babbling on about 6 o’clock leaving times and 7 o’clock leaving times and how I had gotten confused and we had overslept and oh dear, oh dear . . .!
The occupants of the truck (two football players and a teenage girl from Sarah’s school, along with the girl’s parents) watched with calm bemusement as I flailed frantically around the truck, spouting my story and waving my arms only to suddenly turn on my heel and sprint back into the house to collect my daughter. (And may I just say that watching me from the back as I sprint–or from any other direction, for that matter–is not a sight for the faint of heart.)
Sarah, to her everlasting credit, was fairly calm about it all; she didn’t give me even one lecture or eye-roll concerning how I had managed to mess everything up and make her even more stressed than ever by giving her only 4.5 minutes to dress and prepare for a week-long trip.
I stood in the front hall and hugged her while Steve (who had been rushing around in my wake gathering up additional last-minute stuff for Sarah) put his arms around us both and prayed for his sojourning daughter.
My original plan had been to escort her out to the vehicle and get her all settled in. Another part of that original plan was to eyeball the two football players she would be sitting between for five hours and inform them that The Ghost of Mother Present (apologies to Dickens) would loom up over the back seat and whomp them both upside the head if they so much as even turned and looked at my daughter. (Although I had it on good authority that these were two upstanding young men, you know how we Mama Bears can be.)
Fortunately for the football players, they were spared any maternal, maniacal lectures because I suddenly discovered that my good-bye to Sarah had left me in tears. So I stayed put.
I closed the door behind Sarah, watched her walk off the porch, and then turned to Steve and wailed, “Honey! (sniff) She’s leaving! (sniff) She’s going off with–with–with . . . . people!” (Imagine that last word being spoken in a wail.)
Steve looked at me for a long moment and I could see that his male thought process was not synching well with my mama thought process. He was no doubt thinking, “But isn’t going off with people better than going off with aliens? And/or other forms of non-humans? Or something?”
But then being an inordinately wise fella, he opted not to say a word; he just walked over and gave me a long, husbandly hug. He’s been married to me for thirty years and so he pretty much understands the words I say and the words I don’t say and he correctly interpreted my use of the word “people’” to mean something way beyond what Webster had ever intended it to mean.
Because what I was really, really saying to him?
I was saying, “But, Honey! She’s going off with people and she’s meeting a lot of other kids and who knows one of the boys at the camp might like her and she might like him and then she will start going on dates and also she will be staying in a college dorm room for a week and she might like the university and decide to go there and then she will move out of our house and she will go to college for four years and then she will get married and then she will have a career and move away and be gone for good just like Nathan and . . . I miss her already!”
Yes. That was exactly the meaning behind the word that caused me to cry a bushel full of mama tears while standing in the foyer of our house at 6:08 yesterday morning.
My daughter. Off to the rest of her life. With people!
Dear sweet Becky.
OUR TWO GIRLS WERE 7 AND 10 YEARS OLD WHEN THEY WENT OFF ON A 10 DAY GIRL SCOUT CAMP….i SUPPOSE IT WAS DIFFICULT, BEING THEIR FIRST TIME AWAY, TO DRIVE AWAY AND LEAVE THEM…ALSO, IT IS HARD TO REMEMBER AN EVENT OF 40 YEARS AGO. HOWEVER, WE ALL REMEMBER WHAT THE SEVEN YEAR OLD SAID IN THE CAR ON THE WAY HOME , SHE SAID, IN HER MOST SERIOUS VOICE “DON’T INVITE ME BACK.” OF COURSE I JUST LAUGHED HEARTILY AND SO DID HER DAD. NOW AFTER SO LONG I CANNOT REMEMBER WHY SHE SAID WHAT SHE DID. i CAN TELL YOU THOUGH IT MAY BE 40 YEARS AGO; SHE CAN SURE TELL YOU THE WHY OF IT TODAY.
Becky, Your reaction was perfectly reasonable! Crying, rambling, scared, and everything else, perfectly reasonable. So much so, that if you hadn’t reacted in the way in which you did…..I would recommend you seek professional help!
Did Sarah make it to her final destination okay, especially with those people (wink wink)? And need not worry because you will have your time to give those two football players the stink eye the entire drive home at the end of the week. I am sure they are wonderful, kind, and moral young men. So, how’s Sarah doing? She’s such a great kid, Becky, that I am sure that even though it’s something she’s not used to, she is making the very best of the situation and soaking in everything thing possibly can. What an honor that her teacher’s selected her for this opportunity! People don’t understand how it is that I am happy just to be left alone, with a book or something to look at (even if that something is “space”) than having places to go and things to see and see and see some more. I like my alone time, A LOT! Like you and Sarah nothing makes me happier than alone time.Take care!Jodi
Jodi,
Unfortunately there is no contact with home so I have been clueless all week as to how she is getting along. However, exactly 24 hours from this moment I will have her safely in the front of my van headed home. Hooray!
It is so hard to see them leave your house – I cried a few bushels yesterday morning as I watched my daughter and grandson drive away after being here with me for several days. The house was ridiculously quiet and I didn’t like it at all. So, it never gets easier but it is necessary as these children just insist on growing up and leaving us for a period of time, only to return and love to be back with their mama. I know my daughter, who is having a difficult time dealing with divorce issues, wanted nothing more to stay here where there is strength and comfort with her family but she had to go on and deal with her life and issues and make the most of a lonely life away from all of us. However, her beautiful son is an amazing gift and she has so much to be thankful for. As we do in Sarah, also. Thank you God that she is well and healthy and able to do all these “normal” things. Doesn’t make it any easier but what a rejoiceful event. Mamas’ hearts and delicate and strong as iron, all at the same time.
Mary, so glad you enjoyed the visit with your daughter and charming grandson. I can only image what sort of strength your daughter garnered from a visit home with her mom–nothing better in the world.
Oh, Becky, you have me smiling and nearly laughing! That scene would be just at home here at my house. Maybe your family could stay here if you visit NY. At any given day, someone, often me, is chasing his/her tail trying to get out of the house on time and there is some misunderstanding on time and terms of some plans.
My Christopher graduated college this May. My one with cancer over whom I cried so many rivers of tears, and so feared that we would lose him Double major (math/econ), and out in 4 years and had a nice scholarship to boot. So miracles do happen. He’s working double shifts and giving swim lessons to stockpile as much money as possible so he can do a European tour in September before looking for a job in his fields of study.
I find it hard to believe that your Nathan is MARRIED. I have two older ones and they are no where near ready for marriage, and as I’ve mentioned before, around here very few young adults marry until they are around 30 years old. Don’t know how that plays into the stats for keeping married. One bad thing, I’ll be ancient by the time I have grandchilldren. You can squeeze a whole generation in there when the span is 20-25 vs 30-40 between generations.
Cath, I’m glad you got the humor of the post. It was one of those horribly yet funny moments in life and I tried to capture that combination of feelings when I wrote it. Glad I’m not the only one who has those moments!
As far as marriage ages, I was a 19-year old bride and we’ve been happily married for 30 years! I guess it is just different for every couple and every set of circumstances. I certainly would never recommend to Sarah to get married at nineteen but that’s just how things worked out for Steve and me. You’re right–you’ll have to wait a little longer on grandkids but it will be worth it!
God’s plan is always perfect. Getting up late and Sarah not having the time to “think and ponder” about leaving her comfort zone was probably just what she needed. It gave her little time for a good-bye and only time to spread the wings to fly. I am sure she is doing just fine and is making new friends…those things we want them to do. You are a wonderful mama that has raised her to be a productive and functioning adult. That is the ultimate goal for all good parents. You did good Becky. Pat yourself on the back and look forward to all the stories that she will be telling you on Friday when you pick her up. It is only a few short days away!
Rbts6pk,
Thanks so much for the encouragement. Sarah did NOT get any thinking time before she left, that’s for sure! 🙂 So looking forward to the stories.
When I was pregnant with my son, my sister-in-law imparted this info,” One of our jobs as parents is to raise them so they will be able to go.” Gosh, he wasn’t even here yet and I’m hearing this – I didn’t like her much right then. Fast forward to first sleepovers away (and being divorced THAT started at 2 years old) and bike riding with a buddy around town…without me…. and going to play at the park…without me, and on and on and “what do you mean, I can’t walk out onto the field with you at graduation?” And I realized when he was about 2.5 years old, that I was also raising a future husband…that would mean not just letting go, but handing over. For 22 years I “mommed” – loved, prayed, taught, talked, guided, played, repeat. Yesterday, he turned 23 and it was the first birthday of his that I’ve had to say Happy Birthday” by phone. Yesterday, I wanted an epidural…today I’m okay…he called today to check on me ’cause I’m “Mom” and to thank me for being a good mom. It does all work out in our children and in us…but sometimes I’d still like to be numb!
Ummm…sorry used up all my tissues!
Guerrina, you definitely have plenty of life experience to draw from. Yes, epidurals would be nice along the way, wouldn’t they?
Your son sounds so sweet to call and check on you, knowing that it was hard for you to be away from him on his birthday. You did a great job raising him!
Have sent 3 boys and 2 girls to college. My girls both did summers abroad. All the kids went to Europe on high school trips. There have been trips with their high school orchestra. Have said so many goodbyes, I can’t even count them! Each one (especially college farewells) started my tears rolling.
However, the tears were also tears of happiness. You see, the kids were spreading their wings. Isn’t that what we as parents should be teaching them to do? As sad as I was everytime they left, I also celebrated the fact that they were doing so!
Way to go mom!!!!
Lauren, wow, it sounds like you and your family have lived a rich and varied life! I’ve been telling myself all week that at least Sarah was only 5 hours away and not overseas. You have some brave kids and you’re a brave mom! Thanks for the encouragement.
What an awesome opportunity for Sarah! As much as your momma’s heart hurt to see her climb in that vehicle with…people…I know how proud of her you are and how anxious you are to see her on Friday and hear all about her growing up adventure! Can’t wait to read about her wonderful week.
Jmckemie, yes, I am definitely looking forward to hearing about her week. Oh the stories she’ll tell!
Awwww, what a hard way to let her go. I’ve only let 2 sons go, not a daughter, but I imagine it might be just a tiny bit harder 🙁 Not sure on that one because my heart was pretty much ripped out both times.
When I see young moms crooning over their new bundles of love, I want to tell them ‘Don’t get too attached because in 18 years they LEAVE!’ But I don’t 🙂
Will you be in touch with her while she’s gone? That would help.
Lesley, unfortunately she did not take her cell phone so I won’t hear a peep! (Although I am able to at least write her a couple letters.)
And yes, I think it’s better that we let the new crooning moms have their moment; they’ll find out soon enough that little ones don’t stay little.
No doubt about it, when it comes to our children, “Letting go” should be classified as a profanity! But think of the experiences she’ll have this week!!!
Jan,
Yes, I’m trying to concentrate on the experiences she’s having and the growing she’s doing–it helps me a little but I sure do miss her!
Oh Becky, I remember crying through your posts quite a few years ago about Nathan going off to college because I knew within a few short years, my son would be going off to college too!! Now I am teary-eyed again reading this about Sarah leaving (even if it is for just one short week), because just like you I was pondering all those thoughts too!! My son HAS moved on, has found new friends and now lives in his college town of Raleigh. At least for a few years, I don’t think marriage is on the horizon because he claims he doesn’t have time for a girlfriend right now between school & work! Praying that the week goes well for Sarah!! Even though she may be an introvert, I know that coming from your family, she certainly will be able to shine & make it through the week with no problems!!
Donna, it’s nice to hear from someone who remembers my scary “letting go” times with Nathan! I’m glad your son is doing well and finding his way in life; I know that makes you so proud.
And yes, I know my introverted daughter will do fine but I sure am looking forward to the day when she comes home!