What if you had spent months and months planning a wedding that was to take place tomorrow?
And what if your 21-year old brother died of cancer two days ago?
What would you do? Would you still get married on the planned day?
The blog post below is written by a girl whose brother, a college senior, passed away from Leukemia on Wednesday. Her grandma attends our church which is the only reason I am even aware of this amazing story and this amazing missionary family.
Having a son and a daughter of my own who are very close, having a daughter who almost died from cancer, and being in the ministry ourselves—well, this post hits home on many levels.
Please take the time to read it; I promise you, it will be worth the time.
I sit here sobbing uncontrollably having just lost my baby brother (37) to cancer a few months ago (I find each day harder than the one b/f and the some of the cliche things I here from people make me crazy)! I respect everyone’s feelings and religious beliefs but personally I don’t find the notion of him being in Heaven a blessing! I don’t think he’s lucky and I’m not sure how it could be a better place when all he ever wanted was to beat bi^ch of a disease and continue to live his life, here, with the people whom he loved the most in the world and vice versa! Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he’s not suffering and no longer in pain but he should be here! However, I commend Ian’s family for what their doing and hope today is a beautiful day for them despite the sadness!
As for your question of what would I do, that’s hard to answer? First of all, I was raised as a conservative Jew and it’s Jewish law to bury w/in 24 hours of death. The Orthodox don’t embalm; also, Orthodox, Reformed & Conservative Jews won’t allow an autopsy! It’s not always possible to bury w/in 24 hours, especially if you’re waiting for out of town family (The Orthodox wouldn’t wait) or if the death was on a Friday, since you can’t have a funeral during the Sabbith!
Although we are not Orthodox, we do have funerals very quickly! My brother passed @ 3:55 on a Tuesday & therefore, it was too late for a Wednesday funeral (the grave diggers need more notice–seriously) so we had to wait until 8 am on Thursday!
My brother would haunt me for the rest of my life if I didn’t go through w/ my wedding but it would also interfere with other customs of Judiasm (Shiva)! But I think I would do my best to forge through in his honor and memory!
If I Orthodox the wedding would be put off for a year! The mourning period is a year; covering mirrors, no social gatherings and events, etc.! Temple, funerals, doctors appointments, etc., are the only acceptable activities!
I’m sorry about the novel, BeckMy very best and sincere condolences to this family! Thank you for sharing this with us!
Jodi,
Thank you for sharing your story–not only your adjustments to your brother being gone, but also sharing all of the traditions that the Orthodox Jews observe. I found it all so interesting and appreciate you taking the time to shed some light on those traditions.
I can’t begin to imagine how much you must miss your brother. My heart continues to be with you as you grieve.
Wow! I loved the story….today is 34 years that my father passed away. How wonderful in this world to see that on March 2nd, happiness still continues. God bless them.
Susan,
It’s the way life goes, isn’t it? Some days bring loss, others bring joy. I know 34 years is nowhere near long enough to for you to be over missing your dad (because that never goes away) but how wonderful that you can celebrate the joy of someone beginning a new life together on that same day.
What an incredibly touching story- I cried my way through it. I am so glad you shared it!
Jenna,
Yes, I agree. It’s hard to read it without tears.
Beautiful story…made me think of my own brother who died 13 years ago…just a year and a half after I married and 4 months before my 1st daughter was born. Such an emotional roller coaster. Grief is such a strange journey…I don’t believe you ever “get over” losing a loved one…you just adjust to a new normal. I had never been quite so homesick for Heaven until my brother went there…I can’t wait to see him again. Prayers for the sweet Bride who will be missing her brother tomorrow as she weds….what a bittersweet day for her family. Thanks for sharing.
Angie,
What an emotional period of time for you–great joy, great loss, and then great joy again, all bumping up next to each other. Life is comprised of seasons and chapters and rather than being separated, they all seem to blend into each other and you can’t tell where one ends and another begins.
Tears of grief–tears of joy–it’s all life.
what a beautiful family!
I imagine God will be leading tomorrow’s dancing… and it will be good.
Mrs. Pam,
I love that picture of God leading the dancing–it will be a joyful day, in spite of the sorrow.
Well… that post should come with a NSFW warning label. As big sister to a little brother (who is himself getting married March 9th), I can’t even fathom that kind of pain. Much less that kind of faith.
Kristina,
Congratulation on that upcoming Big Day in your family; I know you are so excited! And yes, I have to say that the family’s pain AND faith are hard for most people to fathom. But what an inspiration to read their words and their story and to know that life goes on in spite of it all.
Wow, that hit home for me too, my son is currently 21 and has an older sister who adores him, but even more so, that actually happened to my mom and dad back in 1955, my dad’s brother, who was 21 at the time, and who was going to be the best man, was diagnosed with cancer and died about 3 weeks before the wedding, They weren’t sure what to do but my Uncle Bobby had told them to go ahead with it and that he would be there in spirit, so they did, thanks for sharing that Becky, now if I can just stop crying!
Dale,
What a sad thing to happen so close to your parent’s wedding! I so admire your Uncle Bobby for his insistence that the wedding should go on, regardless. He sounds like he was a man with a big heart and a great spirit.
I needed to read that today…. I am going thru the loss of someone I just became friends with recently. I heard about him thru a friend at work. We became fast friends. He was my neighbor. He fast became a part of my inner circle. We would sit and talk in my apartment for hours even tho I had to be up for work. He had such a positive attitude! I miss him a lot!
Kristi,
Isn’t it amazing that you don’t even have to know someone a long while for them to become such an important part of your heart and of your life. I’m so sorry you lost your friend so soon after meeting him.
Heartbreaking, touching, moving and inspirational. And Yes, I would definitely dance too!! Thank you for sharing this with us.
LeeAnne,
Sometimes, in the face of heartbreak, all you can do is dance.
WOW-what a faith she has! Thanks for sharing!
Nicole,
Yes, I was really inspired by that level of faith as well!
Thank you for sharing this story. Ashley and her family will be in my prayers.
Liz,
Thanks for your prayers for them. I know their grandma from our church has been so stricken by all of this–she and the whole family could certainly use the prayer.
WOW…..
Nancy,
Indeed.
Becky,
Thank you for posting a link to Ashley’s A Time to Dance. I’m crying because the story moved me and made me think about my Dad. My Dad will never get to walk me down the aisle 🙁
Hope you and your family have a great weekend 🙂
Love,
Michelle-
Michelle,
I know that is a true heartache for you to think of not having your dad walk you down the aisle. When that day comes, you will feel loss in the middle of your joy but you will never doubt he is smiling over you.
How do I stop the tears?
Mary,
A good question, indeed. Our tears honor that family–thank you for crying for them.