September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month and as most of you know, our family is a little more aware of childhood cancer than most people.
On May 17, 2002, our little lady was diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma and given a 15% chance of surviving five years. Looking at the paleness of Sarah’s face, it’s easy to see that the cancer had already taken over her bone marrow.
Getting through a cancer diagnosis and the long months and years of treatment that follow can often be a lonely journey.
But thankfully, it doesn’t have to be.
Steve and I were accompanied along the way by the support of our family and our friends. I’ve written about our families quite a bit over the years—Steve’s parents, my parents, our siblings, and other relatives who all went the extra mile so many times. We are blessed to have them in our lives!
But today I want to change my focus and write about some particular friends, Danny and Carolyn Stephenson, who faithfully walked the cancer road with us.
On the day that Dr. Wolford (on the left) called Steve and me into a private room to give us the life-altering diagnosis, we were so thankful we didn’t have to be in that room alone. Not only were Steve’s mom and dad with us but we were also joined by Carolyn Stephenson, our pastor’s wife and long time friend.
She took the blow right along with us, absorbed it, rallied, and then turned her heart and her energies toward ministering to our family.
She walked through Baptist Hospital with us, accompanying us through frightening tests and scans and procedures.
She was a non-anxious presence in the middle of a time that produced great levels of anxiety.
Carolyn has a wonderful sense of humor and pulled it out many times to help brighten our dark skies. She even went so far as agreeing to perform her famous Wide-Mouthed Frog Joke for us which she doesn’t do for just anyone since it requires her to open her mouth very, very wide as she imitates the aforementioned wide-mouthed frog. (Hopefully Carolyn won’t get TOO mad at me for posting this picture.)
Carolyn showed up over and over again, driving two hours round trip to one hospital and four hours round trip to the second hospital. She spent time doing activities with Sarah so that I could get out of the hospital room for a few minutes.
They read a lot of Junie B. Jones books together which was Sarah’s favorite series at the time.
They played many rounds of checkers.
.
And on the day that Sarah had her transplant? Carolyn was there.
At that time Steve was not pastoring a church but I remember telling myself that if I ever had the honor of being a pastor’s wife, I hoped I could be the kind of pastor’s wife to my congregation that Carolyn had been to me.
And it didn’t stop with Carolyn.
Although Danny was not able to travel to the two hospitals as often as Carolyn due to his pastoral responsibilities, he did arrange his schedule to come with her several times. And more importantly than that, he was constantly available as a friend, a confidant, a sounding board, and a prayer partner to Steve as he walked through some of the darkest hours of his life.
Over and over and over again during Sarah’s treatment, Steve went to Danny for counsel and prayer and a listening ear; in return he received compassionate words, tears, hugs, prayers, and support given from a heart that has also suffered much sorrow.
We attended Danny and Carolyn’s church during Sarah’s active treatment and recovery. Danny and Carolyn were proactive in educating the congregation about how to best minister to a family walking down a cancer road. The congregation was so compassionate and welcoming and helped us in many loving, practical ways. Danny and Carolyn even loaned us their personal vehicle for a couple months to help us through the transition time.
Sarah was involved in the children’s programs at their church and loved it. Here she is just a few days before being admitted to Duke for transplant; bedecked in a wig and a feeding tube, yet still with a song in her heart. On her left is her dear friend, Victoria, who is currently in her second year of studying to become a surgeon.
A year after her transplant, Sarah was in another Christmas program with the same crowd of kids. It meant so much to her (and to us) that she got the chance to do normal, fun, kid stuff.
During that difficult season of life, birthdays offered a nice distraction and provided a good reason to gather with friends for celebration instead of sadness. Danny and Carolyn are on the right; Victoria’s mom, Crystal, is next to Carolyn, and Victoria is beside Sarah.
That birthday picture reminded me of another birthday (my 40th) which the Stephensons and the Sutherlands (Victoria’s parents) joined Steve and me in celebrating. Steve and I had no idea at the time this picture was taken that Sarah would be diagnosed just a few weeks later; we also had no idea how much we would lean on the friendship of the people at that table in the months to follow.
During Sarah’s treatment, Nathan was also involved with the programs at the Stephenson’s church. Danny and Carolyn, the youth workers and the congregation supported him so well during that time of trauma and change in his life.
I’m sure he will just love me for posting this particular picture but here he is dressed up like an angel passing out programs for the Christmas performance that Sarah was involved in. The handsome fella he’s talking to is Danny and Carolyn’s son, Brian.
Steve and I also got involved in the music at the church as much as Sarah’s treatment schedule would allow—in this photo, we joined Carolyn to do a funny song for a church banquet. The Bible says that laughter is good medicine and that is so true!
And one last photo from those cancer years–this was taken just before our family left to go to Duke for Sarah’s transplant–all of us were very much aware that the chances of her surviving the transplant were low. (The majority of the kids Sarah was transplanted with are no longer living.)
But peace prevailed in that room–in the hearts of our family and in the hearts of our friends.
At this point in my post, you might be wondering why I am choosing today to write so much about Danny and Carolyn.
Well, I’m writing about them because last Saturday, for the first time in seven years, we got to see them again.
After the first hug and hello, the time between us fell away and we sat for two hours–eating, talking, crying, and laughing.
We met Danny and Carolyn in 1983 just a year after we were married and we have supported each other through the worst of times—both on our part and on their part. Friends like that don’t come along every day and we are grateful for the years, the memories, and the love.
Steve’s and my goal as pastors is to love people the way we were loved by this special couple. If we do that, we will know that we have done our job well.
What about you? Do you have friends you have known for a long time who have walked you through some hard times? Lets celebrate friends today!
Let’s also not forget the children and the families who are still walking that cancer journey and need friends to see them through.
i am so glad you shared Carolyn and Danny with us. You can be sure that they were good mentors to you and Steve, and that you epitomize the meaning of the word PASTOR, that’s for sure!
Mrs. Pam,
Yes, they were the BEST mentors; they didn’t teach it, they lived it.
What a great tribute to some wonderful friends! Throughout my life, we’ve had some wonderful people be a part of it! My mom’s best friend helped her thru all my surgeries thru the years. Sadly, my moms best friend passed away form a massive stroke in July 2003. I know that my mom’s best friend would have been there every step of the way for my mom when she was going thru her cancer journey.
Kristi,
It sounds like your moms friend was not just special to your mom but also very special to you. I know it was a huge loss for you both when she died but what sweet, sweet memories to carry with you.
It was very devastating. 🙁
Oh my bad I didn’t spell that right at all did I er bad iPad. Month and day. Also love the picture of her holding her bag of life.
My Daughter Emily was born on the day of Sarah’s transplant. What demo nth and day was she diagnosed?
Hi Amy,
Sarah was diagnosed May 17, 2002. And yes, I love that picture, too!
When I was 12, and had just moved to town, I met my friend Peggy at church. That was 40 years ago, and we are still best friends. To say that we have been through it all together is putting it mildly. On a hot August day in 2006 I found a lump in my breast. It was the same day that Peggy picked up the phone to let me know that she had Melanoma. At the time, we were living 6 hours apart. We had surgery on our respective cancers on the same day, still 6 hours apart. We remained physically 6 hours apart throughout our cancer treatments. Emotionally we were attached at the hip. In 2011 I moved back to my home town, where Peggy still lives. 2012 was the year that we went on a trip to celebrate being 5 year cancer survivors. We are now 8 years out from diagnosis and we are both still cancer free. To have a friend for 40 years is a blessing in itself. To have one who has almost literally had the same experiences that you have had is amazing. I would be lost without this friend, this friend who has been with me through laughter and tears and joy and fear and sickness and pain. She is so much more than a friend.
Dawn,
What an inspiring story of friendship!
Even though it was difficult for you both to go through cancer, how wonderful that you were able to better understand each other’s journey because of what you went through.
You are truly, truly blessed–and so is Peggy. Here’s to many more years of sweet friendship.
Beautiful story!
Renee,
A beautiful story because they are very beautiful people!
Great tribute to great people.
Steve,
Yes, they are truly are.
What a beautiful example of true friendship, of being together in not just the good but the challenging times.
Jenna,
It’s those bad times that truly cement a friendship. I’m not thankful for the bad times but I am glad for the friendships that grew out of them!
What a lovely story and such beautiful and heart wrenching pictures…..you and Steve are certainly the kind of pastors that your friends are, in following you over the years I remember countless times you have been there for your friends, families and parishioners, near and far……I am lucky enough also to have been able to have a few really really good old friends, from high school and from my young married life that I know I can always count on and who would be here in a second if I needed them, as well as a wonderful sister in law who has always been there for us…..
Dale,
I heard a speaker once say that those friends who are closest to us are “Capital F” friends. It sounds like you have been blessed in that area!
Wonderful story. You and Steve have been that kind of friend to us especially during the passing of our parents. You two are fantastic Christian people and I am so thankful for you friendship. I have a couple of friends here who are always here for me. God is so good to us.
Ann,
Thankful to call you and Jim our friends!
Becky,
That is a great story!! I met my best friend Tracy back in 1984. We met on the first day of 2nd grade in Germany. Our parents (her folks and my 2 sets of parents) were active duty in the Army but for different units. During our friendship, she helped me by being there for me when my Dad was killed in a military accident. Sadly after my Dad died, the Army sent my Mom and us back to the US and we settled in Maryland because that’s were my Step-dad was stationed. My best friend and I lost touch for several years. Somehow my Mom and Tracy’s Mom found one another and for my 12th or 13th birthday, they arranged a surprise gathering for us girls. It was so awesome to reconnect with someone who had helped you cope with a loss of a parent. To this day we still chat off and on; and to see one another once a year.
Michelle-
Michele,
What a wonderful story to read! I would love to have seen the look on your face when you saw Tracy on your birthday. A great, great surprise!! It also makes me happy that you’ve stayed in touch over the years–friends like that are a true treasure.
I was in shock! We both screamed with nothing but joy. I definitely agree with you that friends like that are a true treasure and they are meant to be in your life. I can say in my life I have 4 best friends and they are very special to me. I’d never imagine in a million years that my sister and I would be best friends because of the way we were when we were younger. Hope you guys have a great weekend!!
Michelle,
How absolutely lovely to grow up and be friends with your sister. The best surprise ever.
I am so thankful you had friends and family to love you and pray for you when most needed and always. and thanks for the news about Victoria, I am sure she will be a wonderful caring Dr
and Yes I have had a friend for many years that I can count on every time, he may live in Ga and I in Ne now but hes always there. when my son died and all these years since he has been a stead fast friend, and while I have friends and family andy is special.
Sharon,
Yes, we are very excited that Victoria has chosen to become a doctor; she will be great at it since she is smart AND compassionate.
I’m glad you’ve have someone like Andy in your life to help you through the hard times. What a blessing!
Yes! You and Steve are the “Stephenson kind of friends” to us! So thankful for you two and so thankful for Danny & Carolyn and their friendship to you.
love deb
Deb,
Love the line, “Stephenson kind of friends.”
Thankful for you and Randy in our lives over all these years and thankful that YOU have been in my life since I was five years old! 🙂