Celebrating Seventeen.

August 23, 2012

Today we are celebrating Sarah’s seventeenth birthday!

Yes, I really did say seventeen.  And no, I can’t believe it either.

There was a time in our lives when we never dared dream that we would get to celebrate this milestone.  In fact, Trine, a faithful, long time reader from Denmark, recently reminded me of a post I had written on that very subject way back in 2005.  She and I both thought it would be a great idea to feature that post again on the day Sarah turned seventeen.  And so I am!
 

By way of a little history, this post was written shortly after we had been through a health scare with Sarah and had just been to Duke for a variety of scans to rule out  a possible relapse.  We had just gotten good results back when I wrote this. 

Written on May 29, 2005 

As you can probably guess, we’ve spent this whole past week hugging Sarah and kissing her sweet face every chance we’ve had because we are so very happy about the good news we got about her scans. In fine Sarah fashion, she has patiently endured our onslaught of happy hugs and parental puckers.

She continues to feel great. No more pain, no more fevers, just a hearty, healthy appetite and a happy, healthy girl. And speaking of happy, she is always at her very happiest when she is out in her beloved back yard, playing with Snowy, and letting her imagination have free reign. When  I looked out at her yesterday, she was sitting cross-legged on the hammock, smiling, talking, and waving her arms around, obviously narrating whatever story was going on in her head.

Snowy had stationed himself on the grass in front of her and was doggedly doing his duty to diligently guard her from all manner of dastardly back yard dangers– like killer squirrels, aggressive robins, and threatening blades of grass. He is an intimidating six pounds of fluffy fury and unswerving vigilance.

It gives me extra special joy to watch Sarah playing because I know that if that scan had gone the other way last week, she could be lying in a hospital bed right now receiving chemo. So much to be thankful for!

In fact, I was made thankful all over again when I happened upon a picture of Sarah during treatment. I just sat and stared at that photo for the longest time because, among other things, I had forgotten just how thin she had gotten during that time.   The change between then and now is just amazing.

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 Pictures are such potent reminders of all the things that have gone before and I could sit and look at them for hours, never failing to be moved by the power that they possess.

I was aware of another sort of “picture power” last week when we attended our friend, Meagan’s, High School graduation party. (Edited to add:  Yep, that would be a 2005 reference to the newest Mrs. Smith!)

One of the highlights of the event was when Meagan’s dad, Frank, called her forward to pray over her future and God’s plan for her life.  I will never forget how sweet that moment was,  the two of them praying hand in hand with her picture up on the screen behind them.

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2005 A June 048

 After the prayer was finished, we all watched a Power Point presentation that Frank and Sheri had put together, depicting Meagan’s life from birth to the present.

I sat with all the other Fans of Meagan and laughed at the silly and sweet pictures of her as a baby, a toddler, a gap-toothed six-year-old, a preteen.

Then the pictures progressed a few more years to when she was twelve, and then fifteen, and then seventeen.   As they displayed all the sweetness and maturity that developed over the years, I felt my eyes fill with tears and I breathed a quiet prayer, “Oh Lord, please let Sarah live. Let us have the joy of seeing her when she is twelve, and fifteen and seventeen; let us be able to see her graduate from high school. Let Steve and I have the honor of putting together our very own slide show to honor her as she graduates.”

And then I began to picture just what that might look like. I imagined pictures being projected of a darling, rosy-cheeked baby, a curious, full-of-life toddler, and a spunky, sparkling-eyed  six-year-old. And then in my mind, I saw the pictures continue to change and I tried to imagine the impact the next set of photos would have on all the assembled Sarah Fans.  

I imagined pictures of feeding tubes, hospital beds and syringes; I imagined photos of a pale face, a bald head and stick thin legs. I thought about how the viewers would be impacted by seeing the pain and questions on a young child’s face as her simple childhood disappeared into the gray complexity of cancer treatment.

And then, I imagined the gathered friends and family seeing a strong and sturdy 12-year old riding a bike (with no training wheels!), a fifteen year old driving a car (with mom hanging on for dear life), and a seventeen year old being picked up for her first date (with Steve hovering in the background wielding an official form called “One Thousand Questions You Have To Answer Before I Let You Date My Daughter.”).

In short, I pictured life being lived, not life being lost.  I imagined Sarah being one of the few children diagnosed with Stage IV Neuroblastoma who would beat the odds and still be alive at her high school graduation.  

Can you picture her as a 17-year old? Can you imagine the young woman she will become? I sure can.

Right now, though, she’s still nine, still enjoying every moment of life, still teaching all of us Sarah Fans how to live. Really, really, live.  And right now, as a family, we are making the memories and taking the pictures that will be blended together eventually to tell her story.

 In eight years, when her face beams at me out of her graduation pictures, I know I will witness the same determined but joyful look I saw when she was six years old and fighting so very hard not to die.  Most importantly, I will see a face that beautifully reflects the joy of being alive.  Only a person who has been close to death can appreciate the fact that every day is a birthday of sorts, because every single day that we are given is a celebration of life. 

Happy Celebration Day, baby girl!

(It would be so interesting to Sarah–and for all the rest of us, too–if you would leave a comment sharing what advice you would give yourself if you were seventeen again.)

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53 comments so far.

53 responses to “Celebrating Seventeen.”

  1. Happy Birthday Sarah!!! You are such an inspiration, I am sitting in the waiting room of Miami Childrens Hospital while my 3 year old daughter, Ava, is being operated on for stage IV Neuroblastoma. The surgeon is removing her left adrenal gland, which IS the tumor and affected lymph nodes. I came across your story from the Because of Ezra site. I am so happy to read about a survivor of this horrible disease. Live your life Sarah and enjoy each precious day but go home to see your mom frequently, she is such a blessing in your life!
    Becky, I LOVE your writing. I am thinking right along with you, the vision of my Ava growing to become a beautiful young woman. If you would like to follow Ava’s story http://www.caringbridge/visit/avacrowley. Becky, thank you also for being such an inspiration! How wonderful you have a healthy, beautiful daughter, much love to you both!!

  2. Lisa from Georgia says:

    Happy Birthday, Sarah! You are THE miracle of Neuroblastoma! I am so happy you are at this amazing milestone. Continue to LIVE everyday. Be blessed!

  3. sheri says:

    WOW! No other words seem sufficient for celebrating this milestone! Love to you ALL!

  4. Lauren says:

    I so much agree with the posts that encourage Sarah to get an education and go off and explore somewhere or something before getting married!! The best advice my mother ever gave me was to do so!! I followed her advice and moved to a new city, got a job, got involved in “my” church I know I can support myself and my family if something ever happened to my husband. Have been married 30 years, have raised 5 children and have passed on my mothers advice to all of my children

  5. Angela says:

    Coming in late I have not had a chance to read all the comments. But my advice to myself at 17 would be this: Make sure to get out, go to church functions, conventions where I could met guys that have the same values that I have. I was always good at following what Jesus wanted but I was shy and liked being by myself and it was hard to find someone to share my life. I have been happily married for 5 years now and expecting our first child. Most of all…. Just Enjoy Life. accept every challenge, continue to learn something everyday… and never ever consider yourself old…. You will stay young forever.

  6. Vernie says:

    This brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. Love to all, Vernie

  7. fran says:

    HI SARAH…IT HAS BEEN SUCH A LONG TIME SINCE WE LAST HUGGED!

    PLEASE KNOW YOU ARE SUCH A BLESSING, TO ME AS WELL AS ALL YOUR “FANS” (YOUR MOM’S READERS).

    ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS; I LOVE YOU AS JESUS LOVES YOU AND HAVE A HAPPY
    HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

    PS: this is the one I lost and I found it ! So I decided to quit while I was ahead and send what I had written so far…lol

  8. Fran Harris says:

    WELL AS USUAL; I POSTED WHAT I THIOUGHT WAS AN INSIGHTLFUL MESSAGE AND I LOST IT….SO I WILL JUST SAY:

    I LOVE YOU AS JESUS LOVES YOU AND A HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SARAH…
    MISS FRAN FROM TEXAS

  9. Becky says:

    All right, you guys, you’re just too much! I never dreamed I would get so many comments full of gracious words and wonderfully wise pieces of advice for Sarah’s 17th birthday. Thank you!!

    My original intention was to respond to each comment but I am barely digging out from the past couple of weeks of craziness so I am going to have to pass on doing that this time around. (Even as much as I always love getting involved in the wonderful dialogue that goes on around here.)

    I DO want to say thanks to each of you who have left comments–Sarah, Steve and I have been reading with them great interest and we are so grateful to each one of you who have taken the time to write down the things you have learned. Good stuff!

  10. Dave and Betty Lingle says:

    Center Church in Grove City, Pa……you spent time on that front pew while your parents sang to the Lord…..and then we all sang Happy Birthday to You!!!! Long ago and you were little…..now, 17, and you are wise and fun. Thanks for being you…..and being 17 is just fun…..let that happen in every stage of your life….and especially in the down times. God is a comforter for every season. Soooooo happy to celebrate with you!

  11. Cindy Forrester says:

    Happy Birthday Sarah! You’ve already received such good advice from the other posters…I can’t think of anything else to add. Enjoy your day.

  12. jenna hoff says:

    Happy birthday to your beautiful miracle daughter. I am filled with such joy she is doing so well. What a blessing.

    My advice is to not shy away from adventure. I was well until age 19 and wish i had used my well years to do more, experience more and tried more. We don’t know what is around the corner so make the most of each day. And remember that with everything lthat is around the corner of your life-the good and the challenging- God is with you always,.

  13. Lesley says:

    Happy Birthday Sarah! I would tell my 17 year old self that it’s going to be a bumpy ride but hang on because it’s totally worth it!

    Lesley

  14. Guerrina says:

    Happy Birthday, Sarah! So much as been packed into your 17 years already! The next 107 will be an extraordinary adventure!

    Advice to MY 17 y/o self with much hindsight: Know & follow Jesus. Ignore guys until Jesus says I’m ready for the challenge. Study well instead. Oh! And be sure to travel abroad with bestie girlfriends before Jesus says okay to guys. Yep, that about covers it! 🙂

  15. Karen Cathey says:

    Oh my Becky. The life that has been lived between when you wrote that article and the present time. I got chills reading about what Sarah would be like at 17 (I’m sure you are pleased!), and then seeing pictures of Meagan at 17 and how her future turned out. Aah, the beauty of the written word. The best words of advice … “for where your treasures are, there will your heart be also.” Don’t worry so much about the material stuff … invest in relationships.

  16. Pilotbutterfly says:

    Hope this has been a wonderful birthday for Sarah. What would I say to myself if I were 17 again–live life knowing God has a plan and He will take care of everything in His time. Don’t rush but enjoy each day and as others have said “Take time to smell the roses.” Travel as much as you can because there will come a time when you will settle down. Love you all. May there be many more happy birthdays to celebrate and I expect to be at the graduation festivities if possible.

  17. LizziLou says:

    Beautifully written. Best post ever, Becky!

    How sweet it is to be celebrating this milestone … so many Sarah Fans are joining right along with you!

    Sarah, I hope this birthday is one of your best ever! You are truly a one of a kind gal. You are an inspiration to many. You and your journey will never be forgotten. Cannot wait to see all that God has in store for you. Sky’s the limit, sweet girl! 🙂

    My advice would be “Don’t sweat the small stuff!! 95% of the things we worry about, end up being nothing to worry about at all.”

    “Yesterday is history.
    Tomorrow is a mystery.
    Today is a gift.
    That’s why it’s called the present!”

    Sarah, I hope and pray you are blessed with MANY presents!! Happy Birthday to YOU!!!!

  18. My words of wisdom, to you (since my 17-year-old self is long gone), Sarah: Do exactly what YOU want to do. Don’t let anyone else tell you what you MUST do – if you want to do something, do it. No matter how long it takes you to accomplish it, no matter how much it might scare you (or your parents!!!!), no matter what. Because living your TRUE life is what life is all about. Probably the ONE thing I think you should do, is take a “gap year” between high school and college, and backpack across Europe. I wish so much I had done that. And I wish so much my daughter had done that. You will learn so much. Your perspective will be forever changed. Be true to you.

  19. Kaye Joyce says:

    Happy 17th Sarah! You are an amazing lady and from one cancer survivor to another, we are strong cancer chicks! My advice on your turning 17……..enjoy every minute and don’t be in a hurry to be a grown up. It comes soon enough. I got married when I was 17, nearly 40 years ago!! I would not do it any different if I had to do it all again. It has been amazing but I don’t recommend it for everyone. Just stay young and enjoy yourself in everything you do. God bless you sweet lady and love you with all my heart.

  20. CJ says:

    Happy Birthday to Sarah 🙂 No advice, just to enjoy everyday – but I am pretty sure she already knows that! Looking “back” I think my favorite age as of now would be the 17-19 range. Still a kid, yet “Old enough.” Dont grow up too fast 🙂

  21. Nancy says:

    Happy birthday, Dear Sarah! Know in your heart that you are perfect, whole and enough, just as you are today, and as you will be tomorrow and the next day and enough.

  22. Mom22 says:

    Happy birthday Sarah. My advice would be to wake up every morning and be joyful.

  23. Jill says:

    Happy Birthday Sarah! No advice, just joy from “knowing” her through your writings. She has a good head on her shoulders and can do anything she desires! Enjoy your day!

  24. Nancy says:

    You’ve always lived your life with quiet dignity and grace. I wish more children/teens could learn something from you Sarah. You are wise beyond your years and fought a courageous battle that many of us couldnt dream of facing. You are my hero. my inspiration, my idol. I found God through the grace of running into a Pastor. I wanted to share the same passion in the Lord t hat you have since I’ve been following you 8 years ago. Sweetie you can accomplish everything you put your mind to. I cannot wait to see where the next chapter of yoru life takes you. I’ve been following you since you were 8 and your Mom still had your caringbridge. Happy birthday sweet sweet soul. May you be continually blessed with great health, great love and many opportunities. You can do it angel.
    God bless

  25. Lauren says:

    A very happy birthday to Sarah!
    I was just catching up on your blog after a couple of weeks away and saw your posts about Snowy. I can’t read those posts without bawling, but you and your family are definitely in my prayers. I am so sorry.

  26. Catherine says:

    Happy Birthday Sarah!!!! May you always enjoy the moment. And not want to grow up to fast!! Always keep your eyes on God and the bigger Picture

  27. Melanie says:

    My advice is to dream big! God has HUGE plans for you and will carry you each step of the way! You are an inspiration to all! Happy Birthday!!

  28. Connie Walker says:

    Happy Birthday Sweet Girl…….Be happy always , stay strong, and in a world where you can be anything, be YOURSELF!!!!!! You are a special child of God and he has wonderful things planned for you. The picture is beautiful and I loved reading about the tea party!

  29. Kristina says:

    Happy Birthday, Sarah!

    Here’s what I wish I could tell my 17-year-old self. For that matter, sometimes I wish I could tell my 30-year-old self, because I still occasionally forget:

    Enjoy the moments and the days, but set goals for yourself, too. Have a plan for what you want. Expect detours, expect the plan to change, expect to realize that the original plan isn’t the right one — but have one anyway. Make sure that the decisions and choices you’re making are the ones you want, and not the ones others tell you you want, or the ones they want for you. Be who you are, because that’s the only way you’ll be happy.

  30. Sharon Holweger says:

    Happy birthday to you.
    I guess my advice to you is to make the most of every day, but you already do that.
    When you get discouraged remember that so many peope love and care for you and want the best for you. I know that as a teen sometimes its hard to remember that.

  31. Robyn says:

    Please give Sarah my best and wish her a very happy birthday!

  32. Angela says:

    Happy, happy birthday, beautiful Sarah! I think I would tell myself to care about others and try to help them, but to forget trying to impress them. The people we need to be close to us will be impressed by just us being ourselves. Along with that, I’d try to learn not to get embarrassed easily; I’d be myself (within reason) and let the world think whatever it wanted to! 🙂

  33. Jojy Smith says:

    Sarah is so lovely…looking more young woman than child…Birthday blessings from California!

  34. becky m says:

    Happy Happy Birthday!!!! I can not wait to see the birthday hat picture or wait for the day when your mom posts the video of the pictures she shows at your graduation. i hope you have a wonderful day!

  35. Bec (from Sydney) says:

    Happy Birthday Sarah! May your day be filled with enormous amounts cake (you must share with your Mum though).

    If I could give something to my 17 year old self, it would be confidence, I also wish I had way more self-worth. I had none!

    Lots of love and hugs xxx

    Bec

  36. Trine says:

    Beautiful meaningful post and it felt extra special to read it today. Can you imagine her as 17 years old? And it felt special to see that picture of her as a 17 years old. Happy birthday Sarah, you are such a beautiful lady outside and inside. I hope you had/are having a great day. If I were 17 year old a girl I would tell myself to value myself more and to value all the small things in life- something I have learnt now, but not something I was good at when I was 17 but I know that you are, but still it is the small things in live that makes us happy

  37. Melissa says:

    If I were 17, I’d make sure to try and remember not to be so hard on myself. So many young girls nowadays are, and I’d try and remember that you are NEVER as unattractive and awkward as you think you are! I wish I would have known that back then and stopped wasting so much time worrying about it. And though it sounds like silly advice, always wear sunscreen. I grew up in the tan-crazy 70’s and 80’s and I’m paying for it now! Also, make sure to get a good education, either college or otherwise, as that’s something no one can take from you. Worry less about what other people think, and more about what YOU think. And savor this time of life, because time DOES fly. 17 one day, 47 the next! At least, that’s how it happened with me! Last but not least, have a great 17th birthday!

  38. Mary H says:

    Tears again for such a very different reason. Celebrate, celebrate well, dear beautiful, Sarah.

    If I were seventeen again, I would tell myself to value myself. Make sure my decisions make me happy and are what will lead me to a happy, fulfilled life. Do not SETTLE for anything. Go for what you want, no matter what anyone else says you should do. Be true and honest with yourself and to yourself because you can do anything you put your mind to – it is all possible with faith in God, your family and your friends.

    So very, very happy for all of you today. What a splendid day.

  39. Suzanne says:

    Happy, happy birthday, Sarah! You are beautiful, talented, creative and SO VERY loved and admired by all of us “Sarah Fans”! I hope today brings you much love and laughter and maybe even your very own “cheesecake”!

    I think I would tell myself at 17 to relax and enjoy the moment. I was in such a hurry to grow up that I didn’t enjoy the process as much as I should have. 17 is wonderful and exciting and I can’t wait to see what fun God has in store for you this year!

    Blessings!

  40. Sally Reed says:

    Sarah, Happy, happy birthday # 17. I remember when you celebrated your 1st birthday at Center Church in Grove City, Pa. So very happy for you and proud of the young lady you have become.

  41. Nancy Irving says:

    Happy Happy Birthday Sarah. My advice would be for you to be true to yourself and your beliefs and enjoy every sweet day of your life. Love deeply and live fully. With love and best wishes on your 17th birthday xoxo

  42. Jessica K says:

    Oh wow – what a beautiful miracle girl. Happy birthday Sarah! My advice would be to stay in God’s Word and keep your eye on Him and the Cross. You will never regret living a God-centered life.

  43. dmantik says:

    Go to college or get some kind of training with which you can make a living for yourself. Enjoy the time of being an independent single person before you get married (if that’s what God has for you) and don’t spend time worrying that you’ll never get married. Each season of life has it’s lessons, treasures, and trials. I really regret that I did not stay in college and I wish I would have waited a little longer to get married.

    Bottom line, God knew His plan for you before you were even born and He will reveal it to you step by step. There are so many things He has already brought you through and there is so much more He will do through you! There are exciting days ahead, dear sweet Sarah, and I love you! Happy Birthday!

    Love, Aunt Deb

    • Becky says:

      Deb, words of wisdom from a very wise woman. I especially loved the line, “Each season of life has its lessons, treasures and trials.” So very true.

  44. sandra Gleason says:

    Happy Seventeenth Birthday! I would tell myself to worry less about what others thought of me! And to not try and grow up so fast. I hope you have the most wonderful day!

    • Becky says:

      Sandra, I agree. Worrying too much what others think of us is never a good use of our energy–although it is certainly a constant temptation!

  45. Donna says:

    Happy Birthday Sweet Sarah!! And while you are celebrating your 17th birthday, I will be celebrating my grandma’s 97th birthday today!!

  46. Gail Puckett says:

    She is such a beautiful 17, I think if I were 17, I would tell myself to slow down, smell the roses and take in the beauty that our Heavenly Father has put all around us. I know that I would want myself to be more concerned for others than about myself. I would pray for a Godly man to marry (such as the one God actually gave to me) God bless you sweet Sarah and Happy Happy Birthday

    • Becky says:

      Gail, that is great advice for ALL of us but especially a teenager who can easily get in a hurry. Making ourselves slow down is a great gift.

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